Gossip, Judgement & Cursing

Gossip

  • What is gossip?
  • Why do we do it?
  • What does it give us?
  • Who benefits?
  • Would we like it done to us?
  • What does it do to our body?
  • Why do we read celebrity gossip news and magazines?

How would we feel knowing others are gossiping about us?

I grew up in an Indian family and it was very normal for my parents to take us at any opportunity to the rellies (relatives) and they would spend time just gossiping. This was mainly what Indian women do and the men would drink alcohol. I do not recall it ever changing and it is the same today in my experience.

I hated gossip and all that judgement so I opted to stay at home as often as I could as a child because for me it was too boring. If the rellies were visiting our home, I would walk out of the room but as I grew older, I found myself getting involved and joining in the gossip, knowing how wrong it all felt inside me.

Whilst I got better and was not gossiping non-stop, it was still there until I got an understanding that it harms me and others and it keeps me stuck. I can honestly say that today I make the choice not to engage in this gossip stuff and I am not willing to partake in idle chit chat that I know is harmfull.

Judgement

  • Why do we judge ourselves?
  • Why do we feel to judge others?
  • What gives us the right to judge those we do not know?
  • Why do we need to keep judging anything and everything?
  • What would our life be like if we stopped the judgement?
  • How does our body feel when we judge it constantly?
  • Could it be possible that another person can feel if we are judging them?
  • Could it be possible that judgment of any kind is hurting us?
  • Could it be possible that when we are in judgment, we are not ‘forming sensible opinions’ as the dictionary says?

Let’s get real – who doesn’t judge these days?

I am no halo head and not claiming to be non-judgemental but it sure is ‘work in progress’ and I have come a long way. What has helped me to not judge another is to have understanding.

Having a chat with myself and saying –

  • You do not know what their current choices are.
  • You do not know what they truly feel in each moment.
  • You are not with them 24/7.
  • You do not know what they have been through in this life.
  • You do not know their past lives.
  • You do not know what their choices have been to lead them to this point so shut up and Stop Judging.

What I can claim is I have hundreds of testimonials and this includes prisoners and a general theme throughout is that I do not judge. I know I have a true compassion for others and with understanding I remind myself to say –

“Live and Let Live. Allow another to be in their choices. Accept another in their choices, in the knowing that one day they too will return to who they truly are.”

This helps me to stay focused and on track with what I need to be doing and not getting into any form of judgement. What I realise is Living in this way to the best of my ability, others can feel this and it makes them feel safe around you.

Cursing

  • Just the word itself feels like a missile coming at you?
  • Where did this all start?
  • Why do we curse others?
  • Is venting our anger on another cursing?
  • Do we curse things and not just people?
  • Is cursing confirming our lack of responsibility?
  • Are we choosing to not take responsibility and deal with our stuff and so it all gets thrown out at the first thing or first person in the firing line that day?
  • Many of us have grown up with cursing and imagine what it does to our heart?
  • Imagine a young child being hurled abuse in the form of angry words?
  • Imagine how our body reacts to this type of abuse?
  • Imagine how hard and protected we get to not feel this cursing stuff?

Imagine if we all stopped cursing each other and made a choice to take Responsibility and deal with our ‘anger and annoyances’, which is what the dictionary tells us cursing is.

Imagine expressing without the hurt, which has made us angry and annoyed in the first place?

Cursing is poison in our body and it really has to Stop. Cursing another is attacking our own body and deeply harmfull. For this reason alone, I do my best to not allow ugly thoughts in and if it does enter my head, I say ‘get out’ because I know it is not a true thought.

This and all the other understandings I have today come from the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

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Comments 32

  1. A very practical blog – thank you Bina. You share some great examples of how our behaviour, words and thoughts harm ourselves and others. I really resonate with what you say about gossiping about others keeps us stuck; this makes sense. If we keep doing what we’ve always done there’s no room for change. I know that when people have not judged me it has given me the space to not judge myself and see what I need to see so that I can grow and make changes. Judgement of others (and ourselves) incarcerates us.

    1. Thanks Shevon Simon – yes this is a very practical blog and lets hope those reading this in time realise it is deeply harmful to vent our stuff on another or make the choice to gossip.
      I am not perfect but I have made the choice to look at how my thoughts are and I make a conscious choice to not sit and gossip. I have heaps of time now and my head feels clear.
      I agree with your bit about having space if you can feel another is not judging you. My tip that I am currently ‘work in progress’ on is to see and feel the essence of the person in front of me or opposite me on the train and then see the nonsense which is the that is judged. In Truth they are pure and whole but the outer stuff is what we judge. Just having this simple understanding and take on judgement has helped me.
      I say ‘work in progress’ as I reckon it will take a lifetime to be totally free of all judgments. I am not perfect or making any claims in this blog, just saying that there is another way.

  2. I am so glad this blog was published. It is a subject that is never talked about. I too hate gossip and when someone tries to do that with me I do ask the question do you know the person and do they know you are talking about them, it usually gets them to think about their behaviour. I come from a culture where gossip is/was hot press and I didn’t like it growing up. As I read this blog it brings me back to the days when I used to curse and swear. It serves no purpose in Life and all it does is affect you and others. It is a way of us NOT taking RESPONSIBILITY for the way we live and our behaviour towards ourself and others. I have spent the last few years building bridges with others where my behaviour affected them. To other readers please read/re-read (I know I will )this blog as it serves as a reminder to us all that empty gossip and cursing does not need to be inflicted on our already suffering world.

    1. Correct Priscilla I am also glad this blog has been published. It sure is a subject we dare not talk about. Even the thought of swearing or cursing right now feels so wrong in my body that it would take a lot for me to go down that road.
      Great you are asking future readers to re-read this powerfull blog as a reminder that Gossip, Judgement and Cursing is not needed in ‘our already suffering world’.

  3. Bina I also grew up around this also and my 80 year old mum continues to gossip. To spice it up further Indian soaps, movies etc promote such dramas and gossiping and it’s amusing to see my parents getting excited when they are glued to the TV. I’ve given up in making her understand that it isn’t good to gossip, I just let her continue and I don’t allow myself to get caught up in the gossiping or react to it.

  4. Like the pun Shushila ‘spice it up further’ with Indian soaps which thrive on gossip and it feels like a stimulation. We call it entertainment but how deeply harmfull is it watching others gossip and create drama from everyday life onto our TV screen in our home. We then somehow think its endorsed and gives us a licence to continue to let loose with our tongues.
    We cannot make another understand as you mention in the case of your mother. What we can do is stay committed to the way we are living and by reflection they can and will feel it. They may never change but at least you know you offered them another way without any reaction or judgement. What I have noticed is having given up swearing from being a serial swearer my body feels less hard and I don’t have the need to vent anything on another or stomp around. It simply is not there. I deal with things as they come up and there is no place in my life for this gossip, swearing and cursing business. Thank God those days have gone thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

  5. How could I possible know what some else needs! I need to focus on my own stuff and what I need! Thank you Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and Bina Pattel for supporting me in asking for the truth.

    1. Yes I hear you Ken and agree we all need to simply focus on our own stuff. You are right how could you possible know in Truth what they need. We all come in equipped and we have all the answers inside us.
      This gossip and cursing stuff really is poison in our body. The whole world and its brothers are into judging in one way or another. I too have to catch myself and stop the ugly thoughts as they pass through my head. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who has brought this stuff up in our face to look at and if we bothered to study him in full we would know he has no judgement whatsoever and thats going to take you and me and the world a bit of time to get to. Lets start now I say and stop the poison.

  6. I have been working on eradicating these behaviours from my life for awhile now. Like you I’m not interested in gossiping or even chit chat. In the workplace I am currently in, we stamp out gossip very quickly as it can cause so much harm to the team. I’m a work in progress re judgement, the questions you suggest as a form of self talk and support to cut the judgement I found really helpful and I will be using them myself when I feel I go into being judgemental of another.

    1. Great that you found this blog of some support regarding the practical self talk when you go into judgement. All I can say is that it has been tried and tested and always works. I know for a fact I will continue to be a ‘work in progress’ but the blessing is I am willing to keep addressing this and remain open to all of humanity. Judging is really awful and I recall a long time ago my judgements on this super wealthy man who was full of arrogance but at the same time I thought he was like a little boy. It just so happened we had a chat that was deeply honest during a course and when I got the full story it was that day I realised – Stop judging as now you know exactly what this boy has been through and why he behaves the way he does.
      When we stop and feel that each of us has a story it sure makes it easy to remove judgement and then all that is left is to keep practicing it day in and day out with every single person we meet, relate to or just observe.

  7. Gossip for me is the stuff we do in society to ignore what is really going on within our intimate family groups, our workplaces and our lives in general. It is essentially easier to gossip about another over stopping and taking stock and actually being deeply honest about what is happening – and stating it clearly.

    Gossip is like sticky string, it wraps around us and envelops everyone involved and in order to keep it going you have to produce more and more.

    Gossip has an effect on all personal relationships – we become guarded and wary when we have felt gossip about ourselves and when we are involved we get heightened and excited – its almost like there isn’t enough gossip to fill us up.
    Gossip is harming and dangerous – for there is rarely any honesty in gossip – let alone truth.

    1. I would say there is never any honesty in gossip. It is a waste of time and space and certainly does not offer any evolution. What is the point of stimulating ourselves by ill talking about another that we KNOW we would not like if it was done to us. I say stimulating because that is what gossip is doing to our body. It buzzes us and we get going and cant stop. I used to repeat things and twist and turn things all to suit my way of thinking and then seek out those who I knew would agree with me. How sick is that?
      Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I got a deeper understanding of what that was doing to my body and that is why I now know the harm and hence this stupendous blog for humanity.

  8. Judgement has been a constant in my life – it is like it has been a constant protection against others judging me. Like the first thing to go up is this judgement of another that supposedly prevent them from having a judgement of me – they will I am sure – but it will in my mind have dealt with a situation. This will happen in an absolute flash! Trained and honed over many, many years if not lives. What occurred to me reading this blog is that there is no let up of this – it is constant.
    Imagine not judging? Imagine how much energy we would save and be able to let out into the world?
    I have gotten more aware over the past years but have not succeeded in beating this judgement thing completely. I like you am a work in progress. And considering more deeply how this affects everyone in my life – those I know and don’t know but just interact with, there is a purpose to this. Stop harming others.

    1. Thank you Lee for your take on this which is valuable. Like you I am more aware and a work in progress because judgement is a big one for most of us. I agree with you that it does affect everyone in our life and it is time we stopped harming others.
      Without trying to be perfect but remaining human, my job for the rest of this life is to be aware of my thoughts and when I judge. These days I tend to say ‘get out’ when I feel a thought enter that I KNOW is not me. I say ‘not me’ as how can it be when I know the real me would never judge.
      The other thing that has really helped is accepting me for who I am and this has allowed me to drop more of my self judgements and bingo it then supports me to not judge others. Yes a forever student, learning and well on my way, hence the sharing in this blog that has a purpose, just like this whole website.

  9. You make some great points here Michael expanding on the blog itself. I am not claiming that I am free of all judgements but what I know is that I have a RESPONSIBILITY to choose what thoughts I want to take on and I now find myself doing a bit of self talk and saying ‘get out’ the second I catch myself judging. Not easy and work in progress but well on my way. The good news is at least I am willing to be more aware.
    The thing is what has helped is learning to stop judging myself for what I do and not do.

    I love what you say Michael about how this blog is a great reminder of the incredible power we have that could help us and others to evolve. What a waste of time and space to indulge in gossip or judgement. It has zero purpose and if you ask me it makes us dense and so it retards our evolution. So what is the point?

    A classic example recently was some minor gossip with family members and I just continued walking and I noticed my movement changed everything. They got that it was not worth saying anymore as I was not interested so game over, they stopped too.

  10. Gossiping definitely stimulates our bodies. I know for a fact when I have done this there is an excited feeling, but what also comes with that is a feeling of being better than another. My experience is that we gossip because there is something about ourselves and our lives that we are not satisfied with so it’s easier to focus on someone else’s life, rather than look at what we need to address or be honest about our real feelings. Like Shusila’s comment gossiping is the same as watching a TV drama.

    1. I agree with you Shevon what you are saying here. My understanding is also that when we gossip there is some level of comparison going on and that is because we do not want to stop and admit, let alone accept that we are not choosing to focus on our own life and this stops us from truly evolving. No way as the blog writer here am I claiming to be perfect as this is not the case but presenting another way that really offers a sense of freedom and a real focus on what is true and what makes a difference if applied to the best of our ability.

  11. Gossip and cursing are two of our human traits that we can easily control. We just have to make a choice not to do it. Although with judgment, we still have that choice, it is a lot harder to exercise. Most of us make judgments every second of the day and for the most part we are not even aware we are doing it. We see someone walking down the street and straight away we have clocked everything about them and then we start to make judgments on them. We judge wether they are fat, slim or skinny. We judge the clothes they wear, the shoes they have got on. We judge their hair, their facial features, their make up. We judge wether they look rich or poor, wether they look sad or happy—and the list goes on. As you say Bina, having an understanding that we know nothing about their lives and what has brought them to be where they are in their lives, gives us the opportunity to not make snap judgments on them and this will then enable us to see them for who they truly are.

    1. You make some great points here Tim and very important too. Yes we can choose to not gossip or curse another. But for most of us judgement seems to be a lot more harder and as you say most of us are not even aware of how often we do it or that we are actually judging almost every second of the waking day.
      Having an understanding is super important if we are to even begin to knock out this judgment stuff. Most of us are no where near judgement free and it will require us to commit to developing a true relationship with ourself first and foremost that is not in any form of comparison. That in itself could take a lifetime if you ask me.
      Think about it if we are constantly comparing and judging ourself then of course we will cast out judgement to another, even if it something crazy like their hair colour.

  12. What I know for sure is that when I’m judging others it comes from how I am judging myself – a quiet undermining voice inside that ultimately comes out also in judgement of others. But since I have noticed this and watched myself with it and brought in more appreciation for myself, slowly, slowly I can see it lessening. The understanding is more readily available to me with others and I know that comes from softening how I am with myself. These blogs seem to keep coming back to ‘start in the mirror’ and giving lots of practical tips on how to do that. Thank you.

    1. Yes Jenifer these blogs do keep coming back to the mirror and saying take RESPONSIBILITY for all your choices and there are plenty of practical ways to do that.
      As we all well know – true actions speak louder than words.
      No point banging on to others about this and that if how you live consistently is way off from what you are saying. People respect those who simply get on with life and inspire by the way they live. There is a quality to be appreciated when we live in a way that does not harm self or others. Of course this is not about perfect in any way but it does say put the judgment stick down and stop digging at yourself and chances are you may just develop more awareness and understanding about others on the way.

  13. “Imagine a young child being hurled abuse in the form of angry words?
    Imagine how our body reacts to this type of abuse?
    Imagine how hard and protected we get to not feel this cursing stuff?”
    Re-reading this blog, these words jump out and they are seriously confronting. Hands up who hasn’t been shouted at as a child?! What a huge realisation of the impact it has. And if we know (which we totally all do) the affect it has on children, then we also know the affect is exactly the same for adults, it’s just that adults have better techniques for not feeling it. My son told me last night he was cross about something and I felt he was blaming me and didn’t listen to him properly because I was indignant. The truth is he would have felt every bit of that emotion in me. There is so much more here to see and address. Thank you to this blog for the constant call back to responsibility and the reminder that it’s just a choice every time.

  14. Thank you Jenifer for confirming this blog is a call saying it comes down to choice and taking RESPONSIBILITY.
    On another note, I was with a family at a restaurant recently and the father was shouting and cursing his young son who instantly hardened his body and started to eat faster. I noticed he was shoving food down like he was so hungry and ate heaps. I was sitting next to him and because he trusts me as someone who is wise and would never hurt him, I suggested he simply slowed down his eating and ask what is making him eat so much so quickly.
    Instantly there was a change and he realised he had dis-connected from his body and was mindlessly eating and not even thinking about it. No surprise he felt full up.
    The fact he did not feel judged actually supported him and more of us need to be reminded that we have a responsibility in all that we think say and do. This is not about being perfect but it is about being real and honest to the best of our ability.

    1. What a great real life example of this blog in action and the affect of abuse on how we live (and eat). Amazing that child got to be presented with a stop moment and an opportunity to be free from the reaction.

      I am realising how much there is to this judgement aspect. Just yesterday in a team meeting at work, someone was reporting on what someone else had done that day. The person being reported on is well known for undermining, judging and control. The conversation took on a tone of exasperation, reaction at the person and every one of us went into judgement. We were so ready to hold that person in their patterns and in the past (a choice not to let go of old hurtful experiences?) and we laced the ‘what’s next’ with that. The person wasn’t even in the room.

      Eventually, I clocked what I was letting play out and cut it with a call to understanding, but not before harm was done. Every person in that room felt the judgement of the others, which confirms in us all the potential to be on the receiving end of judgement ourselves. Allowing it also normalises ‘standing in judgement’ behaviour, which would continue outside of that room, in the future. This keeps us all down.

      What right do we have to stand in judgement anyway? We have no idea where that person was coming from that day and we haven’t walked in their shoes.

      The judgement did then get called out in the room, which is great, but it was a big lesson for me in compassion and the responsibility to feel what’s going on and respond to it instead of letting reaction and judgement come in.

      It also reminded me about group dynamics and that it only takes 1 person to say no to lift the whole group. In my experience, the reverse is also true.

  15. Like you, I grew up around gossip, who needs magazines when we can gossip. It was all around me, family, work, gym, friends etc.

    It was only yesterday I questioned as to why we do so much of this, I see its prevalence in the in-law families. Why aren’t we accepting of each other? Why are we finding faults first before we even consider they may have something unique to offer but blind to our ways and unopen to anything new.

    I’m learning to break this practice and the more I bring my awareness to this the more I find it hurts when I find myself caught in it. Thank goodness I made the choice to stop, it really does not serve anyone.

  16. Thank you Simple Living Global for this relatable blog. It offers the practical tools to bring change to gossip and cursing which is so rife.
    I have been around gossip quite a bit and at one stage was quite a gossip myself but feeling what it was like and when done to me made me realise what I was doing. I find the more I work on not judging myself the less I judge others.
    Your sentence “Live and Let Live. Allow another to be in their choices. Accept another in their choices, in the knowing that one day they too will return to who they truly are.” stands out to me it gives another the space grow at their own pace.

  17. If we are going to be honest who in the world hasn’t judged or done some gossip or cursed for whatever reason.
    All of this stuff is ugly but nevertheless we do it.

    Something that really pricked me once was how insidious gossip is and I never felt comfortable as it is the same bit of stuff re-interpreted, mis-interpreted and spun around and around. In the culture I grew up in, women gossiping is really normal and still is today and ten times worse if you ask me.

    They do it for hours on the phone, if not in person and they have their own clicks, so each support each other and bad mouth whoever they want. It used to bother me and today I don’t even flinch. I can see the whole thing for what it is and thank God I do not choose to partake in such nonsense. What an utter waste of time and such a purposeless activity. You go nowhere, you are deeply harming another and worst of all – we think we are getting away with it. Funny we all know about karma but on this stuff it’s like that word does not exist.

    Karma or no karma, gossip has no purpose, so why on earth bother to engage in it?

  18. Evening Standard – 25 August 2017
    “drink promotes gossiping and provides material to gossip about”

    So here is the confirmation that alcohol is doing something to us where our mind is stimulated and we start expressing nonsense as that is what gossip is.

    Loose rubbish coming out of our mouth that more than likely holds no value or meaning and is far from the Truth. Why bother and WHY is is happening more with a drink?

    Could it be possible that alcohol is a scientific poison and it alters our natural state so something is talking but it sure ain’t us?

    How many times do we almost step aside of ourselves and say ‘who was that talking? that was not me as I don’t do that?’

    How come we have a loose tongue and lose our inhibitions with a drop of alcohol?

    What gets into us when that poison hits the system inside us?

    WHY are we not interested in research studies that could tell us something is dominating our thoughts and they are clearly not our thoughts?

    No one in their true state of being gossips and a great marker of that immutable fact is kids – our children do not know how to gossip and funny they don’t drink alcohol.

    Maybe there is a correlation and a hypothesis to consider here for our researchers of the the future.

  19. I totally agree Bina gossip most definitely has no purpose. Back in the day when I used to get caught up with gossip I always felt worn out from listening to it.

    I work in an environment where gossip, false stories are rife. And unfortunately some people buy into to it.

    Gossip is toxic, a waste of time and harmful towards the very people who are being spoken about. A really irresponsible act to engage with.

  20. Thank you for this wonderful and welcome blog.

    I totally agree with the author that gossip and cursing are harmful to ourselves and others. I’ve never been a great gossiper or swearer because these forms of expression have always felt wrong to me. I am not perfect, however, and have been known to do both. And still occasionally do.

    Since I first heard from the author about the poisonous nature of cursing, I have held an intention to call out cursing and swearing when anyone does it in my presence.

    Whilst pondering the blog, I began thinking about that and I realised that I don’t always ask people to desist if they swear in my presence. So, I asked myself, what is the difference between the occasions when I have asked people to stop cursing and the times when I didn’t?

    The difference was that the times when I didn’t call someone out for using bad language where situations when I held a fear of losing the approval of recognition of the person swearing or that the individual cursing was in a position of authority over me.

    As I consider this further, it has dawned on me that I need to call out everyone who might use bad language in my presence because I have a responsibility by virtue of the simple fact that I know that cursing is harmful to both the person swearing and the object of the curse.

    Playing favourites won’t work – the attitude I’ve had of “I’ll give you a pass if you want to swear because I want you to like me” is a dereliction of responsibility.

  21. I spent so many years cursing be it in my head or out loud; that I did not realise the harm it did to me and others round me until 7 years ago.

    With the help of the author of this blog I started to realise my cursing was my unhappiness and sadness being played out loud; rather than me taking Responsibility for my choices and behaviour towards myself and others.

    Fast forward cursing is very rarely on my radar. When it does pop up I certainly do Feel it and that feeling does not go away until I address it.

    A great blog to read over and over again.

  22. I notice many, many things. Especially about people.

    Growing up, I learned that observations about people get turned into judgements and criticisms and I realise that is what I had been doing.

    I felt this playing out this week, spending time with family.

    Except observations do not need to be turned into anything. If you simply stay observing what is going on, you get loads of information about how life is for a person and it helps you understand them better.

    In fact, this actually gets rid of judgement and criticism, because you can see what is playing out, with compassion.

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