Perfect Life

WHY do we want the Perfect Life?
WHY do we dream about a Perfect Life?
WHY are we seeking the Perfect Life?
WHY do we need a Perfect Life?

WHY do we want the –

Perfect Picture?
Perfect Body?
Perfect Hairstyle?
Perfect House?
Perfect Kids?
Perfect Education?
Perfect Results?
Perfect Job?
Perfect Partner?
Perfect Marriage?
Perfect Family?
Perfect Friends?
Perfect Holiday?
Perfect Health?
Perfect Clothes?
Perfect Dinner?
Perfect Christmas?
Perfect Party?
Perfect Social Life?

WHY do we want goals that are not real?

WHY do we yearn for things that are not sustainable?

WHY do we want ambitions that are not attainable?

WHY do we keep striving for more and more?

WHY are we obsessed with having the Perfect Life?

WHY are we driving our body to get the Perfect Life?

WHY do we think that the Perfect Life takes away our problems?

WHY is it that when we get there, it is not perfect and we are not content?

Could it be possible that our mind changes the goal so we never reach perfection?

Could it be possible that there is no such thing as the perfect life?

Could it be possible that we are designed to be human and not perfect?

Could it be possible that in Truth there is no one in this world who has a perfect life, wife or all the things we want and don’t have?

Could it be possible that wanting or needing to be Perfect in any area of our life is going to lead to failure as it really is a goal we can never get to?

So what exactly is Perfect?

Let’s check our reliable Concise Oxford English Dictionary (1)

Having all the required elements, qualities or characteristics.
Free from any flaw; faultless.
Complete, Absolute.

Google and you get a few more words like –
Exact, Precisely Accurate, Free from any defect in condition or quality.

Consider the pressure on our human body trying to live with precise and exact qualities with no flaws.

Consider the drive needed to live faultless and free from any defect.

HELLO – Bit of a tall order or what?

Can we stop and press the pause button here?
Do we need a reality check?
Who can actually live up to any of this?
Who is setting the marker?
Who on earth has this in their lives?

If we do know someone that we think has the Perfect Life, then have we studied them 24/7 for 10 years?

If not, then how can we say they have a ‘perfect life’?

Do we really truly know them and are we fully aware of all the choices they are making in every single moment?

A great example is a superstar celebrity who has all the trimmings that we think is perfect and that includes fame, fortune and the perfect private life to match.

But do we truly know them?
Do we know them personally?
Do we know how they are choosing to live every day?
Do we know about their childhood?
Do we know if they are living a see through life?

Where did we get the information from telling us they have a Perfect Life?

Are we being absolutely honest when we say they have the Perfect Life?

How does it support us if we have the media airbrushing and we pretend that these people are real and we do what it takes to get the same Perfect Life? See Link
http://www.trueactivist.com/before-after-images-of-celebs-reveal-societys-unrealistic-standards-of-beauty/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=TMU&utm_campaign=before+after+images+of+celebs+reveal+societys+unrealistic+standards+of+beauty

Could it be possible that we try and copy with a mindset that believes we can be the same?

Could it be possible that we follow the diet or lifestyle that this famous celebrity is living?

What effect is this airbrushing having on our kids who maybe far from ‘perfect’?

Airbrushing and Retouching is now rife on social media platforms.

Traditional teenage pressure to look slim has been dramatically accentuated by the growth of social media and intense pressure from online bullying.
9 out of 10 girls in some schools are doctoring their pictures to appear thinner.
Dr. Pippa Hugo – Consultant Psychiatrist, London Priory Hospital (2)

It would be more unusual for them to upload a completely undoctored picture to Instagram. This is an “open secret” as everyone does it but no-one admits to it.
Isabelle Whiteley – Photographer & Researcher of That’s What She Said Project (3)

Doctors are concerned that this “selfie” culture is fuelling an increase in eating disorders. (2)

Think about it with our common sense hat on – there is pressure to conform and not stand out like the odd one out so our teenage girls go along with it.

Who for?
What for?
WHY?

It would be common sense to say this way of living is not natural, so of course it is going to have an effect on their breathing and what they choose to eat or not eat.
Add to this that the majority of who they hang out with are all doing it, so it becomes the norm instead of abnormal.

How serious is it when there are mobile phone manufacturers today who have beauty settings so we can ‘automatically’ airbrush our selfies?
https://www.instagram.com/p/BG9O5qPTJs4/?hl=en

We do not need any rocket science education here to work out how many are possibly using this to make themselves look like what they think the world wants.

Next –

Have we heard of Imposter Syndrome? (4)
Is this something that Perfectionism brings, like an undercurrent where we feel a fraud as we know it is not really us?

Next –

Girlguiding UK have reported that 25% of 7 to 10 year old girls felt the need to be perfect. (5)

Hello Again

Can we just stop and re-read this and ask WHY is this at such a young age now?
What is the world saying to them?
How is their daily life contributing to this?
Do the parents have a Responsibility here?
Does the schooling have a hand in this?
Are we blaming the media for this rise?
Is the Internet now the culprit?

WHY is Perfectionism linked to anxiety and depression? (5)

This is serious stuff as we now go into mental health, which statistics are telling us is rising out of control.

Could it be possible that our body goes into a state of anxiousness when it is not living a real life that is true?

Could it be possible that wanting Perfectionism is not realistic and deep down we know this and so it leads to us giving up on life?

Could it be possible that we give up on life as we are not committed to life?

Could it be possible that we are exhausted because of how we choose to live and this is the start of our depression?

Could it be possible that we have a picture of what the Perfect Life is and our real life is far from it and that makes us depressed?

Could it be possible that we are busy trying to be something we are not and that is what makes us anxious?

Could it be possible that we are not equipped to deal with our daily life stuff because we are exhausted and this leads to anxiety and depression?

Could it be possible that the choices we are making every day are contributing to the anxiety we feel but we can’t seem to find a way out?

Could it be possible that by doing what others do in their quest for a perfect life, this keeps us the same, so we don’t stand out as different?

WHY do we blame Society for giving us expectations about beauty?
Who is Society?
Who makes Society?
WHY does Society supply us with what we want?
What are we demanding from Society to deliver?

Do we stop and consider that each of us contributes to what we call Society?
Do we think that we may just have a hand in what Society is telling us?
Could it be possible that we as individuals are subscribing to the Perfect Life and so Society supplies us the Perfect Lifestyle choices to help us achieve this?

Could it be possible that we lose sense of reality when we try and be like another?

Could it be possible that this way of wanting another person’s life is not attainable?

Could it be possible that we seek the perfect life of another to avoid living our own life because we don’t like the choices we keep making?

Could it be possible that something is missing in our own life and so we seek to live another person’s life that we think is perfect?

Could it be possible that we cannot sustain this other way and so we give up?

Could it be possible that this ‘perfect life’ we see in another is far from perfect but we choose not to see the whole and just focus on the parts that suit the picture of ‘perfect’ in our mind?

Dear World

WHY do we want the Perfect Life of another person but never look at the daily choices we are making that have given us the life we now have?

Have we as a society given up on our lives so we fantasise about the Perfect Life?

Do we find life a struggle so we choose to buy a lottery ticket as the ‘perfect’ answer to all our problems?

Could it be possible that we have given up on the real value of life?

Could it be possible that we crave the perfect life on the outside because something is missing on the inside?

Could it be possible that we seek perfection to hide the agony and misery of what is really going on in our everyday life?

In other words, we are not deeply connected to the very essence of who we are and in that gap we are constantly wanting and needing more of what this world has to offer.

Could it be possible that we are not on earth to be perfect?
Could it be possible that we are here to be real?

Could it be possible that if we started to focus on the everyday Back to Basics stuff like sleeping, walking, cooking to truly take care of ourselves, we may begin to feel more connected and content inside?

Could it be possible that the Back to Basics way of Simple Living is teaching us what life really is about so we don’t lose the plot?

Could it be possible that if we let go of the images, pictures, ideals and beliefs that we hold about the Perfect Life, we can give ourselves permission to make real choices that support us with our true health and well-being?

Are we ready to stop paying attention to the world outside of us, which tells us there is a Perfect Life?

Are we ready to listen and take note that the world inside us is what really counts as our particles come from a much grander place than we may realise?

Could it be possible that we are on this earth to learn lessons about life so that we can evolve?

Just in case you have not noticed our world is in a mess and we are all doing what it takes to cope and exist to get through our days. Not once do we stop and ask the WHY questions.

Our world is far from perfect. Our confirmation of this comes from the rise in illness and disease, ill mental health, crime rates escalating and wars going on in every country.

We as the most intelligent species on earth are no-where on the perfect scale.

Is it time we changed our focus?

Would it be wise to look at our priority in life and be real and honest about how we are living and the choices we are making every day?

Would it be wise to build a foundation that is truly supporting us consistently to live a self-connecting life?

Could it be possible that if we let go of our agenda to have the Perfect Life, we may get to enjoy a real life that has meaning and purpose?

Possible?

References

(1) Concise Oxford English Dictionary – Twelfth Edition. Oxford University Press. 2011

(2) Bingham, J. (2015, September 19). Nine out of Ten Teenage Girls Digitally Enhance Their Own Facebook Pictures, Claim. Retrieved December 9, 2016 from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/11875084/Nine-out-of-10-teenage-girls-digitally-enhance-their-own-Facebook-pictures-claim.html

(3) Cosslett, R.L. (2016, September 8). Thinner, Smoother, Better: In the Era of Retouching, That’s What Girls Have to Be. Retrieved December 9, 2016 from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/08/thinner-retouching-girls-image-manipulation-women

(4) Cohen, C. (2015, November 16). Imposter Syndrome: Why Do So Many Women Feel Like Frauds? Retrieved December 9, 2016 from
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/imposter-syndrome-why-do-so-many-women-feel-like-frauds/

(5) Marsh, S., & Guardian Readers. (2016, October 14). The Pressure of Perfection: 5 Women Tell Their Stories. Retrieved December 8, 2016 from
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/oct/14/perfect-girls-five-women-stories-mental-health?CMP=oth_b-aplnews_d-2

 

 

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Comments 58

  1. Yes, the perfect life is just another distraction to avoid the responsibility of living a true life of our own. When I was in school I was listening to all the guidance people that I thought knew what they were talking about. I did this so I did not have to take responsibility for my own life. When I figured out that school was not the answer, I worked hard to be successful in the world, but I had no idea what success was. When I collapsed from exhaustion at 50 years old, I finally asked for some real truth.

    I found Simple Living Global and it has supported me to understand that I was looking outside of myself for answers and with simple techniques helped me re- connect to myself.

    Now I understand that the perfect life is my life and I have all I need to live it, inside of me. And there is amazing support available if you really want to take responsibility for your life.

    1. Great point you make about school Ken and how we blindly listen and follow the guidance of others who we ‘think’ know more than us or are somehow equipped to advise us on whats best for us.
      Your story about trying to be successful in the world could relate to many of us and how wrong we are if our body is showing us exhaustion.
      So true what you say about the perfect life is to know and understand that everything we need is already inside of us. We just need to connect to that inner most place inside us and bingo things will change.
      Yes there is ‘amazing support available’ if we start to take true RESPONSIBILITY for our life. We are both living proof of that fact.

  2. I like your comment Ken Elmer, especially
    ‘I found Simple Living Global and it has supported me to understand that I was looking outside of myself for answers and with simple techniques helped me re-connect to myself’

    What a blessing it is to have Simple Living Global here presenting very real and practical and simple ways to live that enable us to accept and appreciate who we are and what we have. When I started to accept myself it felt so freeing and I noticed that I spent less and could pay off my debts as I was not hankering after more or what I thought I had to have to be somebody. The more that we are able to connect to who we are on the inside, the more that we can accept ourselves and each other just as we are.

    1. Who would guess that we could start paying off our debts by living in a way that is simple and practical which gives us the ability to accept and appreciate ‘who we are and what we have’ as you say Shevon.
      The outside stuff tends to take less priority because how we feel on the inside becomes our new focus. This means we will value life differently and imagine more of us living in this way? The knock on effect is huge as it does support our true health and well being to live in this way that is not harming self, others or our environment. No perfection of course, just real living with a commitment and consistency that speaks volumes if we stick with it.

  3. I never thought I had the “perfectionism” thing… but I did and do! I have recognized that I hold onto my “mistakes”, dwelling on what “could/should have been” instead of accepting what is or has happened, learning from it and going forward differently.

    I also have discovered that I have loads of “pictures” (my ideas of ‘perfect’ or ‘should be”) which I hold up against real life and this always causes me to feel hurt.

    I am learning to be more open, real and honest about myself, life and all that happens. I am learning to catch the pictures and see them for what they are; un-realistic ideals and beliefs which cause me to react and hurt myself.

    I am learning that I can let go and enjoy what is unfolding without trying to control it or judge it for not coming out a certain way and this is a totally different way to live…

    When I let go of living with perfectionism I am able to learn from and appreciate what is happening now.

    When I choose to be open instead of “trying to live up to a picture” I am able to simply appreciate myself and people in my life more, I am able to live life as it truly is and this feels really truly good.

    Thank you Simple Living Global for calling it how it is so we can get real and move on.

    1. Yes Jo it is time we got real so we can truly move on.
      You have added more to this blog by expanding on your own lived experience so thank you. Holding on to mistakes because of the perfect picture you hold in your mind is going to lead to more hurt and what an ugly way to live.
      We give our kids endless opportunities and when they make mistakes we just say they are learning. Well why do we stop at our children?
      What about us adults?
      Are we not forever learning on this earth school?
      Are we not here to learn and keep evolving?
      It is high time we knocked out the images, ideals, beliefs and pictures that we have about anything and everything as this is what feeds us the nonsense about who we need to be and the goal post just keeps moving as it is never static. WHY?
      Simple really, it is not the Truth so it will keep moving. Truth is solid and firm and not all over the place.

      1. ‘Are we not forever learning on this earth school?’ YES YES! Just learning every day. It’s amazing how dearly we hold on to our mistakes and the negative stuff, like a stick to quietly beat ourselves. So awesome to be reminded of the chances and patience we give to kids. What a gift to give ourselves the same.

        1. Interesting what you say here Jenifer about how we seem to hold on to our mistakes and the negative stuff. For some reason this is what dominates our thoughts and out goes appreciation or even bothering to stop and think it may just be a lesson in earth school as that was life is all about.
          So WHY is it that we give patience and time to our kids to learn and keep learning when they make mistakes but there is no allowing or room for an ounce of time and patience towards ourself?
          Sounds crazy and way off but it seems to be the ‘norm’. It is high time we gave a dose of the same wisdom and common sense so we can truly knock out this nonsense behaviour that harms us all.

          1. At some point, we stop seeing ourselves as the glorious little child, but on some level, that little child is still right there inside as adults. I watched a toddler walking on her toes the other day, delicate and sweet, pottering around, and it reminded me that I was like that once. The thought actually did something to my body – it softened and opened up and I tuned into that delicateness in me too. Gorgeous really and certainly deserving of more appreciation.

  4. Your last paragraph really stood out for me. I grew up in a household where everything had to be Perfect. This transferred to me from a very young age and I spent my life persuing the perfect job, relationships the list was endless. The result I ended up with chronic exhaustion amongst other things and Yes it is Exhausting trying to persue in my eyes a LIE. We are fed so many images through the media, people around us etc we create our own image of what our Life should be instead of living our life as you say in real time. Society critiques you endlessly if you don’t have Children, a high flying job and don’t own a house etc. Is this Real Life No it is Not. This is still a work in progress for me but what I do know life is not perfect and neither is me and that is Ok.

    1. Great comment Priscilla sharing real life stuff. Yes we are fed images by the outside world and the media have they part to play but could it be because we are not taught from a young age to connect to who we truly are and then look outside and see what the world is saying?
      Could it be possible that we each make up society so we cannot really point the finger or blame but have an understanding that if we know different or have a person or organisation reflecting another way, we can be inspired to change?
      You are right there is something said if you have no kids, a top job or own your own property but who subscribes to this and why is what we should all be asking.
      I have come to realise that we don’t usually KNOW the full story of how someone is childless, not earning big bucks in a top job or renting their home. There are reasons and they may be deep rooted and so its high time we accepted others for the choices they have made and are choosing to make. Our own individual responsibility is to get on with our own life in the knowing that it can inspire others if we are truly committed to life and live a life of consistency. On that note there will be blogs about commitment to life and consistency coming out next year.

    2. Yes indeed Priscilla – it would be exhausting for anyone to live up to something that is not real life, possible or achievable and yet we seem to hanker after stuff that is way off the mark for some reason.
      Who really cares what job title we have or home ownership or whether we got the perfect family with 2 kids and a dog.
      As the author of this blog, I have no home ownership to speak of, definitely no high flying job or income to match, not a homeowner because of my past choices and yet I have no exhaustion to speak of and this is confirmed by the vitality levels I have everyday.
      It is possible to live a way that is not neglecting our precious body and making our focus and priority to connect our inner most so that the ‘outer’ stuff becomes secondary. This way of living requires no perfection so it is not draining and has nothing has a hold over you, if you get what I mean.

  5. Priscilla what a post! ‘Society critiques you endlessly…’ – so true and we enjoin it by critiquing too, right? It’s exhausting just thinking about it like that: like an insidious form of abuse. Thank you for sharing, because it is a reminder we are all having the same experience and we don’t like it but there aren’t many presenting a different way. Really motivating to let go of this stuff, knowing others are working on it too. Like Neo taking the reality ‘red pill’ in the Matrix!

    1. Correct Jenifer – there simply are not many presenting a different way to live and be in this world. WHY?
      Our world is geared up and offering us endless ways to ensure we do not live a simple BACK TO BASICS life and the media does its bit to fuel it further because we demand it and they supply it. There is no judgement or blame just saying it as it is.
      Nothing out there is going to allow you to breathe your own breath and be the real you. Then we get scared and run for the hills, sit on the fence, keep up with what is going on and try and fit in and all because we don’t want to stand out.
      Add perfect to all of that and you got a recipe that is going to keep moving the goal post and making sure you have anxiety and tension inside your body.
      Maybe high time we changed our Recipe for Life. Blog out soon..

  6. If we don’t ask questions then nothing will change and these blogs are asking.

    …So, a huge appreciation to the author for calling out the truth by questioning what does not feel right and to all those, here and around the world, who care and dare to question and start honest & meaningful conversations.

    If asking questions is the big first step to change…
    then the question is ‘will we dig-deep and care enough to want change and ask real questions… or do we keep digging our heels in trying to make life work the way we have been…?’

  7. Many people look to the USA as a perfect place to live. I have lived there for 65 years and I am questioning that belief.
    In the 1960s in the USA it was all about buying all the labor saving devices, so you did not have to work so hard. Then you could go on vacation and do lots of fun things, and have a perfect life. The problem was that in order to pay for all this, you had to work more. So you were working more and more to get this wonderful life but you were too exhausted to enjoy it. This is the mentality that has been driving the US economy ever since.

    The momentum of this drive is massive. It has pushed the US into the world power that it is today.

    But I question this concept that that the US is heading in the right direction. I believe our quality of life is going down. The national debt is increasing every year. Illness and disease are increasing. People are generally worse off in my opinion.

    The US has accomplished many wonderful things, we have incredible resources to get things done. I believe it is time to change our priorities and to get together and to say no to all the things that are not working. We can not blame our government, we have created what we have by our individual choices, we can change things by making more responsibly choices in our own lives.

    1. A grand comment indeed from you Ken as an elderly citizen of the United States of America. This perfect life called the american dream is what most seem to want but your comment is speaking volumes and presenting more for the reader to ponder on.
      You talk about the momentum of drive that has been created by us and we cannot blame the government, media, manufacturers or retailers.
      We could all agree that this ‘want more’ society we have created pushes us to work more in order to get more for the ‘perfect life’ we want.
      So what about QUALITY – what is the quality of life and does your opinion actually make sense Ken? Reading the statistics on some of the blogs on this website would confirm that not only have we, as a world lost the plot but we live a generally poor quality of life that allows no space for true meaning and purpose.
      To summarise – your last sentence is offering another way. How about we start taking RESPONSIBILITY and making choices that support our true health and well being without any need for a perfect life.

  8. From experience trying to make things perfect is very exhausting, physically, mentally and when things do go out of the perfect picture boundaries – emotionally exhausting from the reaction of things not going the way I wanted them to be. Accepting my imperfections and imperfect moments however doesn’t drain me if I look at them as something to learn from.

    1. It would be great Leigh if we did come to realise that trying to have this perfect image in our mind about this or that is simply exhausting as you say.
      The reaction that comes from not achieving the goal or when things ‘go out of the perfect picture boundaries’ adds to the exhaustion.
      Acceptance is key here but how on earth do we start walking on the road of acceptance in the knowing, that we are here to learn?
      This website is presenting another way and there is much already to study and our commitment is to continue with weekly blogs so humanity is left in no doubt that we can all live without exhaustion in our body, which is draining our life force and perfect is not on the radar ever.

  9. The word that sticks out is ACCEPTANCE. What if there is something about us that cannot ACCEPT who we truly are and so we are the ones choosing to play this perfect life game? Could it be possible that playing the perfect game keeps us entertained in our minds at the expense of our body that is showing us signs of dis-harmony within?

  10. We are fed so many images Priscilla, I agree and when we get really honest with ourselves what is true for us is often very different to the perfect picture. Let me share an example. Growing up and into my early thirties I had a strong desire to have children, it was a given in my mind, that I would meet the perfect man, go to university, be in a high flying job as a fashion buyer and be a Mum. Now at age 38 I have not ticked the boxes with any of these being single, without children, leaving university after my first year and not getting a degree and not working in a high flying job and to be honest I have no desire for any of them now and feel content with my life just as it is. The biggest picture smasher was in my choice to not have children and realising that I have choice and that I don’t have to. With that realisation I felt years of pressure and restriction just leave me and ever since I have been slowly building a relationship with myself, getting to understand and know who I am as a woman which is nothing like the picture perfect image of who I thought I had to be.

    1. Thank you Shevon Simon for spelling it out here in detail about your age, your honest real life picture of what is happening and not ticking the boxes.
      What sticks out is the bit about ‘biggest picture smasher’ being not having children. This would be a big one for many women as it comes with so many ideals and beliefs that add pressure and tension to our body.
      How many of us can openly say that we are building a relationship with ourself and that is enough and we are not seeking anything more to make us feel complete and whole.
      Getting to understand and develop a true relationship with our self takes time and space and that word RESPONSIBILITY has to be in there.

  11. “Everybody wants to be the perfect person but that has broadened out to being smart as well as [attractive] and that’s added more pressure.
    Not only do you have to look really nice and put on loads of make-up but you’ve also got to study.
    Half the time we’re expected to be children and accept what our elders say, and then make these choices that are going to affect the rest of our lives.
    We’re on the precipice and we don’t know where we stand.”

    This quote was taken from the BBC website, said by an 18 year old female
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-710ceafb-a26b-4a6c-9698-94800bb739f9

    This further confirms the enormous pressure that our young people are under to be a certain way, to fit a certain picture which really stops them from just being who they are. The more that we each accept ourselves as we are, the more freedom this gives others to do the same.

    1. Great points you make here Shevon to have the looks, the brain and everything else to fit the perfect picture of what we think the world wants.
      Also that we are expected to listen to the elders even when we are grown up adults and then wonder why we feel we don’t quite know where we stand.
      The link is one of many teenagers feeling the pressures of social media which has changed the goal post for the word perfect.
      Each of us has a RESPONSIBILITY to be who we truly are and we can start by simply being honest about what is not working in our life.

  12. I remember a few years ago when Simple Living Global shared with me about the ‘take-two’. I hated that phrase so much! Because the strive to be perfect and get things done right without going back to it and moving on was so strong. But when we are imperfect saying ‘oops’ or ‘take-two’ it is a great reminder that we never leave anything behind and can repeat if necessary knowing what we know from the last time around. Nothing is ever final or left behind never to return.

  13. Dear Simple Living Global, these blogs in themselves would make a great study book for each and every one of us – taking each topic e.g. perfection, or care, or more more more, or Karma and being curious about it, and using each topic and the questions in each blog as questions to reflect upon as we go about our daily lives.

    1. This is making sense what you are saying here Jane Keep. Blogs like this one and others on this website would make a great study book and many businesses, individuals, government departments and our healthcare systems would benefit.

      It would certainly bring in another dimension to that word RESPONSIBILITY.

  14. Simple Living Global – you have hit the nail on the head here with this question (and so many more in this blog) “Could it be possible that our mind changes the goal so we never reach perfection?” I have experienced this, it is like chasing your own tail – you never reach it yet you go around and around in circles.

    1. Great that you have answered this particular ‘could it be possible’ question Jane.
      Chasing your tail and getting nowhere, other than adding a bit more frustration and stress every time the mind changes is not a natural way to live. In fact it feels very harmfull and it is high time we moved away from trying or attempting the perfect life stuff.
      It alters our perception of ourself and everyone and everything in our world. It distorts the truth and plays havoc with our minds. What is the point and what on earth is the purpose as it certainly does not evolve us?

  15. Perfectionism is insidious in that it is rarely if ever questioned as being a source of anything other than good. As this incredible expose shows, perfectionism is causing us enormous problems coping with life in a world where, ironically, we can never be perfect. It sets us up for a fail, yet most of us keep seeking it. It is so often revealed that those who appear to have a perfect life, are actually living in misery far more than we could ever guess if just judging by appearances.

    1. Great point here Felicity when you say that Perfect sets us up to fail and yet most of us keep seeking it. WHY is this not making any sense?
      We do not live with someone 24/7 and have no clue about their past choices or even current choices they are making on a day to day basis. We do not know how transparent they are living and yet we somehow see them as perfect and yearn for their perfect life.
      If we stop and take a reality check and look at our life and it is far from our dream perfect life, it can make us feel depressed as the gap is so huge we feel overwhelmed.
      But what if being real, taking stock and living a true life where we choose to connect to who we truly are and express from that everyday, things could change?

  16. Its so true that even when we meet our criteria for a’ perfect life’ we soon find its not ‘perfect’ there is a lack of content, because we constantly seek other ways to find ‘perfection’, we invent more needs, we decide life cant just be what it is, we have to control it in some way and get more from it. I have often seen single women lament their single status and seek the right man, they find ‘the man’, yet lasting happiness eludes them even when he is ‘perfect’ and ticks all the boxes. I know PhD students who are convinced they will be so happy when the PhD is complete, yet invariably the happiness land they imagined is pushed aside in search of new goals, the thirst for fulfilment in unquenchable when we don’t know how to just be, and appreciate how awesome everything really is around us. We need to stop seeking for things to be different to what they are or imagine we will ever get off the treadmill of wanting endlessly more out of life, in the absence of a connection with ourselves first and foremost. This is the game changer, when we value how we are with ourselves first, and use this as our true guide to life, where we don’t ever need to be perfect, but we do need to be real, honest and prepared to admit not only that we don’t have all the answers, but don’t need to have all the answers either, just connect to ourselves and allow life to unfold for us.

  17. What a top comment Felicity and this in itself is a game changer.
    Your words are powerful and worth listing again for any reader to feel and know that change is possible and its not hard work. Just simply a choice.
    What you say here in this list makes sense and is worth re-reading:
    Invent more needs
    Decide life can’t just be what it is
    Ticking all the boxes yet happiness eludes them
    Got the PhD then in search of new goals
    Thirst for fulfilment is unquenchable
    Just don’t know how to Be and Appreciate
    On the treadmill wanting endlessly more out of life
    In the absence of connection with ourselves first and foremost
    Value how we are with ourselves first as true guide to Life
    No need to be perfect
    Need to be real and honest
    Be prepared to admit we don’t have all the answers

  18. Thank you Simple Living Global. Perfection takes a lot of striving, push and force to obtain something that is never reachable, it is draining, exhausting and supports lack of self worth and can lead to illness. Connection is a choice and I have found with commitment and consistency a foundation is built with which a growing inner steadiness is there, a joy in daily life and being me … mistakes and all. Such a shift from how it used to be where I did strive for perfection which came from the need to be in control, which came from fear and lack of trust … from my lack of connection . What if we put the focus on Connection that we put on perfection, what a different world this would be.

    1. Great point you make here Ruth about Perfection ‘supports lack of self worth’ and this can make you ill. This makes sense.
      That striving and pushing and forcing is un-natural and so it will be draining to our body and the mind is constantly going for that thing that is as you say ‘unreachable’.
      It is high time we all let go of the need to have that word perfect in our life because in truth we are not designed to be perfect.
      What is the point of going after something that is simply an illusion.

  19. Or the perfect parents, partner etc. I’m realising that REAL is not PERFECT and the pictures of what good looks like are really harming. They impose ideals of how things should be and then when reality doesn’t measure up we get disappointed, frustrated etc. But the world doesn’t owe us, our parents don’t owe us, our partner doesn’t owe us and they certainly aren’t responsible for delivering the pictures of perfect inside our heads. The sooner we drop the pictures of how they should be, the sooner we can accept reality and go forward from there. I recently had an interaction with a family member and they reacted to the truth I was presenting. I was initially wobbly about it, feeling sad that they couldn’t see what I could see, but it passed quickly as I realised: (1) what I said needed to be said, holding back to not ‘rock the boat’ in that moment was not an option (2) it’s their choice how they respond, I am not lessened by their reaction. A small but big step as I pop these perfection bubbles that only exist in my head.

    1. Real is most certainly nothing to do with that word Perfect.
      You make a great point here Jenifer about how the world, our parents or partners do not owe us anything and are not responsible for ‘delivering the pictures of perfect inside our heads’. It is high time we take responsibility to let go and knock out all the images, pictures and ideals and beliefs that we have inside our minds about this perfect stuff. It is a killer and as this blog is saying it keeps moving so we never ever get there.
      These ‘perfection bubbles’ as you say only exist in our head and they cause us maximum stress, anxiety and all other kinds of emotions so why bother to entertain these nonsense thoughts.

  20. “Could it be possible that we lose sense of reality when we try and be like another?” What a great question. It’s kind of ridiculous to think that everyone is comparing with everyone else; everyone trying to be like the other so then who is the REAL one, who is the ORIGINAL, who is TRUE? Err, noone if we are all copying something. We are all the same in many ways, but we are also gloriously different and if we can learn to see that and celebrate it then maybe we can stop trying so hard to fit in or fit a picture. It’s like that track ‘would the real Slim Shady please stand up’: time to stand up for REAL.

  21. Are yes the perfect life – I fell into that trap for many years, I had this belief that everybody had the best life and I was missing out. Never happy always striving for more thinking the grass was always greener somewhere else when I hadn’t looked at my own grass. Looking for other jobs thinking it would be a better place to work when I had the perfect job, I could go on.

    I was tired when I finally realised I wasn’t going to live at Buckingham Palace. Over time I started to appreciate what I already had at my own door step. These images of the perfect life is constantly fed to us with media, magazines, Hollywood / Bollywood portraying the glitzy lifestyles. It hits the news and the world is at shock when a celebrity couple split leaving a trail of a messy divorce wounding the children along the way and people still fall for the fantasies of that perfect life. No amount of money can buy that perfect life ask the celebrities and famous singers who relied on drugs to numb them from reality not around any more to tell their real life stories.

    We have the perfect life, we are equiped with everything to give us what we need.
    If we took care of ourselves more and appreciate what is already around us would we see life through a different looking glass?

  22. Looking outside of ourselves for the perfect life is destined to be an endless quest. There is so much out there and it is constantly changing.

    I am slowing down and feeling a sense of contentment, by feeling me, that I have been searching for all my life. By doing this I can enjoy the outside world more because I do not need anything from it. It is so simple, just be myself, and allow the outside world to be what it is.

  23. What is it about us that goes for the miracle cream, lotion and potion that is going to change us overnight and make us perfect.
    The big newspaper advertisement says it is going to give us the perfect eyes, teeth, skin or whatever it is we don’t like and bingo we are sorted.
    But are we really as the same ad says it lasts all day long.
    HELLO – that means one day. Then what?
    Is this perfect this a joke and if it is who benefits?
    Is it a game where we are chasing something that is not really achievable?
    Are we ok buying these products that seem to get high volume of customers simply because of the claims they make?
    Are these ‘one minute wonders’ here today and gone tomorrow a true way for us?
    Are we hooked in because they all have special offers and buy now, pay later which suits our lifestyle?
    Are we jumping on the quick fix bandwagon because it means we do not have to take any responsibility for the way we are living?
    Are we happy just having something work for one day at whatever cost because that simply suits us?
    Are we the customer demanding these miracle solutions like band aids to cover our bullet wounds when in truth we know deep down they cannot really deliver life long change which is what we want?

  24. This image thing is huge and our young children are being affected and this is our future adults. Where are we going to end up?

    Just in the national newspaper today we have an article about famous young royals and our celebrities wearing super high heels whilst pregnant and doctors saying this is not a sensible choice because of the risk of a fall.
    The question is where is our responsibility and whether we are famous or not, what is it that we want the world to see about us?
    The perfect picture is killing us literally as it robs us of a natural way of life and that word Acceptance is not on our radar.

    Our kids need real role models who are not caught up in a certain way to be or look but are deeply connected and know who they are without the need or craving for recognition from others.

  25. What is a ‘Perfect Life’?

    There are many reasons for different people that constitute a perfect life, like, winning big on the lottery, having the perfect job, having the perfect family (wife, 2.4 children, house and a car), living on a tropical island, emigrating to another country, owning your own business and making millions, the list is endless.

    Up until about 10 years ago, I thought that winning millions on the lottery would be my ‘perfect life’ and the money would solve all my issues. Yes, it would enable me to buy ‘stuff’ but with the money comes the wanting for that bigger, better house, car or gadget. And as it has been shown through history with people that have a lot of money, it sometimes brings more problems than if they didn’t have the money.

    Whatever our ideal or picture of the ‘perfect life’, is it possible that, because it is just an ideal or picture, when we get our ‘perfect life’, we find that it is not enough any more and so we strive for another ‘perfect’ ideal or picture.

    Is it possible that that the reason we are always striving for that ‘something better’ is because our ideals or pictures come from looking outside of ourselves which leads to a need to have other people recognize and acknowledge how ‘good’ we are.

    What if we didn’t need that recognition?
    What if we didn’t look outside of ourselves?
    What if we started to ignore what society says is the ‘perfect life’?
    What if we started to look in-wards and realise that we are enough as we are and that what we do as a job or how much wealth we have doesn’t matter?

    What would our ‘Perfect Life’ look like then?

  26. I am starting to realise there is no such thing as the perfect life and it is not something to strive for. If I’m honest, that’s exactly what I have been doing, but it’s a trick – the goal posts always move and, anyway, what’s it all for? In fact, all it has done is keep me from appreciating all there is to appreciate (and it’s a lot), as I’ve been so busy judging and measuring it against an imaginary picture or a bunch of expectations. And it has kept me from taking all there is to take from the lessons and imperfections, because I’ve been too busy beating myself up for making them. It sounds exhausting just typing that.

    Slowly, slowly, there is more appreciation coming in. Slowly, slowly, I’m seeing what’s really important and realising it’s actually pretty simple.

  27. I feel if we are looking for a perfect life, we are just setting ourselves up to fail. Is it possible that we can never reach perfection? If we did, what would we do then, there would be nothing to do, nowhere to go?

    Striving for perfection is a great way to ignore our inner selves. I have done this to avoid feeling. Looking for answers out side of myself for all my hurts.

    I am slowly letting go of all my expectations of what life should be. It is allowing me to surrender more to myself and allow in all the support that has been around me all the time.

  28. I was just reading this double page news story about women who spend a lot on beauty face products. Ranging from £2700 to £6500 on this, that and the other for their face.

    I had no idea that there are lotions and creams on the market that can cost over £500 each.

    The interesting thing is I did not go WOW when I saw their pictures but did question how this stuff makes it to a double page news story when we have such atrocities in the world that do need to make it to headlines, so the public are more aware and informed about the truth of what is going on.

    Why do the media use press coverage on this? Is it because this is what we the readers want?

    Think about these suppliers, what is the mark up and how much do they all make in the chain and are they exploiting those who think they need to spend big bucks to keep those fine lines and wrinkles away?

    I look amazing for my age and feel 20 years younger and it is not expensive face products to look perfect, but a daily routine that includes cleanse and moisturise but going to bed early for a decade has probably got a lot to do with it and cutting out the nonsense like alcohol, dairy, gluten and sugar which is a drug, if only we were told this when we were kids.

    This trying to be perfect or doing anything to keep this image in our mind going, is an utter waste of time because the goal post is always moving. If we think about it we only do it to get a response from the world outside of us. Inside of us our body is probably saying “get to bed, that’s what I want, not another helping of that posh cream”.

  29. Reading this news article from the mail newspaper on 18 March it is saying that amateur beauticians with no medical training are offering to inject schoolgirls with dangerous lip fillers at a cheap cost of £59.

    So social media is where they have a captive audience and ‘insecure young women are being targeted’.

    The growing cosmetics industry is now estimated to be worth £3.6 billion.

    Bit like the old Tupperware parties, there are lip filler parties so all together a whole group in one house.

    There are people administering this treatment with no medical background. So basically this grossly unethical market is getting away with it.

    Sir Bruce Keogh, NHS medical director said in an official review that this industry was ‘almost entirely unregulated’.

    We could all throw our arms in the air and say it is shocking OR we could ask who are we blaming and WHY?
    Has this undercover world of cosmetic surgery been going on a long time but we have only just woken up to that fact because the media has made it hot news?

    Is there a supply of dodgy people ready to make a quick buck because there are vulnerable, easy to target audiences, who live their lives through social media?

    What if there was no demand, so the suppliers would not be in this unethical business long-term?
    What if we are the ones wanting and wanting and so they supply and supply?
    What if each individual is Responsible for feeding this game of greed or saying No?
    What if we each have our part to play in WHY this underhand stuff is going on in modern society?
    What if we need to look at WHY our school girls need this ‘perfect’ look and what is driving them?

    What if there needs to be a sense of true Responsibility and Accountability?

    What if we asked parents how well are they policing their children on social media?
    What if we asked parents to really talk to their kids about what they are actually up to?
    What if we asked parents to find out daily what on earth is going on for them?
    What if we asked parents to question WHY they need to change the way they naturally look?
    What if we asked parents do they know what their teenagers are spending their money on?
    What if we asked parents what are their children really up to behind their backs?
    What if we asked parents to take Responsibility for their part in this?
    What if we asked parents to take the law into their own home and start taking action?
    What if we asked parents to consider questions like these so change can occur in time?

    Common sense has told us over and over again that something is not right if any of us, any age is needing something to fix them or change or alter their natural state.

    If we just stop here and ask WHY, then maybe there is a chance one day for the tides to turn and bring an end to this way of living and it stops the Blame cycle. http://simplelivingglobal.com/why-do-we-blame/

    1. ‘What if we are the ones wanting and wanting and so they supply and supply?’ great question, I like how you bring the responsibility back to all of us with this question. We can complain and blame yet what is our part in it?
      What is our responsibility in the demand for these procedures?
      What is missing in our lives that make us feel the need to artificially change ourselves in this way?

      When I was younger, I strongly wanted to have my nose done and my ears pinned back, I never did but later on life as I built a loving relationship with myself, I realised that my ears and my nose fitted my face in the correct proportions. Accepting myself was huge in how I was seeing my face and features, of which I now appreciate and wouldn’t want to change any of it.

  30. http://www.medicaldaily.com/trying-be-perfect-may-lead-suicide-ideation-poor-mental-health-420721

    News story yesterday – 31 July 2017 in Medical Daily
    Trying to be Perfect may lead to Suicide Ideation, Poor Mental Health

    The study published in the Journal of Personality by researchers from the University of Ontario, Canada suggest perfectionism could kill – it could lead to suicide ideation.

    They analysed numerous studies on perfectionist tendencies and elevated suicide risk. To measure perfectionism, the following were the main ways:

    Placing excessive expectations on oneself
    Feeling the pressure from others (including parents or society at large)
    Holding other people to perfectionistic standards

    The one that was more linked to suicide attempts was where Perfectionism was linked to concerns about meeting others’ expectations.

    They added “Consequently, the typical perfectionist is locked in an endless loop of self-defeating over-striving in which each new task is another opportunity for harsh self-rebuke, disappointment and failure.”

    Despite the wealth of data on perfectionism and suicide ideation, researchers believe there needs to be more research with diverse groups.

    HELLO
    Can we just stop, re-read this blog again and this comment then join the dots?
    Even if we had one person doing this, that is a clear indication of the microcosm. The fact wE have numerous studies, confirms this fact over and over again.

    WHY on earth do we need anymore research when we all have common sense?

    WHY don’t we put it to good use here and say that something is clearly wrong when it comes to our mind wanting this perfect life and the goal post keeps moving and the thoughts keep getting more extreme?

    We can keep coming out with more and more studies telling us the same thing but none of it is presenting another way or offering us the root cause.

    Is it high time we all started asking questions and demanding answers and making this news headlines until we get to the root cause?

    If not we remain in the solution-based way, relying on our scientific research studies and negating all else there is to take into account as to WHY someone wants to be perfect in the first place.

  31. The UK Home Office’s Crime Survey shows that steroid use has quadrupled in a year, with the biggest increase in use being in the 16-24 year old age group – 19,000 young people now use steroids.

    https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/drug-misuse-findings-from-the-2015-to-2016-csew

    The reason given for these statistics is the increasing ‘sensitivity and vigilance’ in young people about how they look – young men are wanting the muscly bodies they see as the ideal.

    How serious must it be for them to feel that sourcing and taking illegal drugs is the answer?

    What pictures do our youth have in their heads about how they should look?

    What are we all buying into that propagates those images?

    https://www.google.co.uk/amp/m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/uk_597b05c4e4b02a4ebb74b8cb/amp

    1. I was talking to a beauty journalist who concluded she needed to go on a ‘magazine diet’.

      By this she meant she needed to look at magazines much less. She said she had noticed that within the first few pages of reading, her sense of self worth dropped and she became critical of herself – her body, her face, her skin, her clothes.

      It as if magazines had become like self harm to her and she needed to remove herself from that – standards of perfection she couldn’t reach, instructions on how to live and what to buy, a sense of never being good enough.

      There is such supply and demand for magazines – what are we all buying in to?

  32. I was talking to a woman yesterday who has ‘never been below a size 12’ and she was sharing how hard it is for her to feel good in her body when society holds such strong pictures of what perfect looks like.

    She feels healthy. She feels strong.

    I wonder what would happen to our pictures of perfect if we prioritised vitality over dress size…

  33. http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/perfectionists-much-greater-risk-suicide-those-who-just-do-their-best-1638482

    International Business Times – 7 September 2017

    Perfectionists are at much greater risk of suicide than those who just do their best.

    This is the news headlines on an International News website, so what is this telling us about being Perfect?

    The article says that “more than 50 years of research has found a systematic link between perfectionism and suicide”.

    Hello
    Can we just stop at this sentence. Over 50 years of research.

    WHY are we not just funding research now into finding out the root cause and not stopping until we do?
    WHY do we need a single more study about a correlation that has been proven and tested and tested, for over half a century, giving us the same answer?

    It would be true to say there is a link with perfectionism and suicide.
    So what is next and what on earth are we going to do about it, knowing we have all this intelligence?

    Could we go straight to anecdotal evidence and cut to the chase?
    Could we find those who attempted suicide and find out why?
    Could we carry out research with those who have eating disorders and see what they have to say?

    Can we begin to value what another person says and not fit them in a box to suit our study?
    Can we have more independent, transparent research so it’s in the public’s interest?

    Could we find out more from the family and friends of those who did commit suicide?
    Could we join the dots and use our common sense hat, to get some real answers?
    Could we then save time and money and get to the root cause of this devastating problem?
    Could we then take seriously blogs like this, which may just be presenting another way?
    Could we then consider websites like this which are in for the long haul, giving us some real answers, if we are open to another way?

    Martin Smith, University of Western Ontario – the author of a new review of research on perfectionism and suicide says “Perfectionism places people at increased risk of depression over time. It is linked to eating disorders, including binge eating. We have a new paper coming out showing a link with anxiety. Perfectionist concern is shown to be associated with procrastinating”.

    There is more but after reading this blog and comment – are we any wiser?

    What if we made a choice to read the Suicide blog on this website?
    http://simplelivingglobal.com/world-suicide-prevention-day-10-september/
    What if we made a further choice to read the Eating Disorders blog?
    http://simplelivingglobal.com/world-eating-disorders-action-day/
    What if we then read the blog on this website about Depression?
    http://simplelivingglobal.com/world-health-day-depression/
    What if we read the blog on this website about Mental Health?
    http://simplelivingglobal.com/world-mental-health-day/
    What if we read the blog called Commitment to Life and see what it has to say?
    http://simplelivingglobal.com/commitment-to-life-part-1/

    Can we join the dots and see where all this perfection stuff comes from in the first place?
    Can we make a start by being honest and admitting something is not right?
    Can we all do our bit and at least start talking, at every given opportunity?
    Can we make this part of our daily conversations at any social chit chats?
    Can we use social media to get this stuff out there, so we can make a difference?

    Are we ready to educate our world that life does not have to be this way?
    Are we ready to help those who need our support, by simply expressing what we feel and not choosing to hold back?

  34. You often hear the phrase “living the dream”. Does such a thing exist?
    I don’t think so. Does the word dream put us in a false state of being?

    The one thing I have come to realise is the perfect life does not exist. It is us as human beings that create a picture in our head of how life SHOULD BE. When the simple answer is to live who we are and NOT TRY TO LIVE SOMETHING WE ARE NOT.

    Perfect Life is a False way of Living that I know because I have been there. It is great to re-visit this blog.

  35. I always thought about the “perfect life” syndrome in the grander context – career, primary relationship, family, material goods. I realized yesterday through a session with the founder of Simple Living Global that where this actually manifests much more for me is in everyday things.

    I am in London for a work trip and when I booked the trip a few weeks ago my usual favorite hotel wasn’t available. I threw a complete tantrum, rechecking every day for a few weeks whether it’d come up, and spent probably 7-8 hours researching other hotels but convinced nothing else would measure up. I was so invested in this hotel that I landed at Heathrow still with no hotel booked hoping mine would magically become available (it didn’t) and ended up finally booking one on the train on the way into the city. I wasted an enormous amount of time and energy and also put myself through a lot of unneeded stress. Then the first night in the new hotel I also threw an internal tantrum convinced I should move partway through my stay.

    On the first morning after a good night’s sleep I woke up and hotel was actually great, just in a different way than the other. Is it my favorite ever? No.

    Is it a lovely place to spend a week in London? Yes.
    I talked about this in my one to one session today with the founder of Simple Living Global.

    What was presented made sense and helped me to see it was all about being invested in a picture.
    I’d been stuck on “this is how a trip to London needs to be” when the reality is there are a billion ways to have a trip to London.

    I walked out of the session thinking: wow – if that’s all just from this one pretty insignificant picture imagine how much unneeded stress I’m adding and how much time I’m wasting on lots of pictures big and small without even realizing it. This is something I’ve really got to start paying attention to.

  36. After writing my comment yesterday I went horseback riding with a guide who told me she only ever orders the same thing at her favorite restaurant because “what if I order something else and I don’t like it?”
    It was another wake up call for me around the overlap between the pictures and my habits. I realized that not only do I stay in same hotel every time I come to London but I tend to go to same places every day for meals as well. So this trip I am committing to trying a new place for every single meal – if I don’t like what I get I can adapt.

  37. Last weekend’s newspaper, the freebie addition had headlines about the perfect diet so you can get into that party dress in time for Christmas. What was interesting is the word PERFECT in big bold front page colour gloss.

    What does that do for the majority?
    How is something like this even possible or attainable?

    I reckon we have seriously lost the plot and the media are not helping us.
    We seem to demand this perfection and want the quick fix solution all the time.

    I know this as once upon a time, I was one of them and it just left me disillusioned, empty and seeking the next fix to give me the picture in my head that kept changing. I was simply going around and around in circles and going nowhere.

    Things changed when I stopped spinning and started to take responsibility for the choices I was making every day in my life. Instead of seeking perfection, which was something outside of me, I looked inside me to ask myself honestly what was it I really wanted and why?

    Asking questions helps and being honest is a great starting point.
    Then I addressed the exhaustion of living a life that was never about me but what others would think and say about me. Once that was knocked out, I could focus on qualities that I know I have that may be of some use to this world.

    Bingo, here I am today having published over 100 blogs on the world wide web, learning how to use Twitter as a platform to bring more awareness and nothing else, studying my 11th diploma at age 55 and writing a course for a college. There is more but this shows what is possible if we stop trying to be perfect and just get real.

    Perfect in any form simply does not work and I am living proof. Been it, done it and I see no point now.

  38. There is a book I like called – ish.

    It is about a boy who loves to draw and his pictures do not look exactly how they are supposed to.

    He draws what he feels.

    This reminds me I don’t have to get it right if I like it.

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