Why do we Blame?

What is blame?

According to the Concise Oxford English Dictionary – assign responsibility for a fault or wrong to. (1)

Why do we play the blame game when something goes wrong in our life?

Who do we blame?
Why do we blame?
What do we blame?
What does blame give us?
How do we feel when we blame?

Who wins when we blame?
Does blame actually change anything?
Are we aware of how much we blame?
Where did we learn that blame is ok?
Why have we become so good at blaming?

Why is it that we blame anything and everything when something goes wrong?
Why do we blame others when deep down we know it was not them?
Why do we use blame like an auto-pilot switch?

Could it be possible that blaming is a choice and helps us to avoid Responsibility?
Could it be possible that blaming anyone and anything means we can be right?
Could it be possible that blaming means we get off the hook?
Could it be possible that blaming is the easy way of life?
Could it be possible that blaming makes us look better?
Could it be possible that blaming others is more comfortable?

Why do we seek answers to our issues by blaming?

Could it be possible that Self Responsibility feels too much?

Where is the Self Responsibility?

Are our choices a contributing factor in the blame game?
Is blaming a solution – in other words a band-aid?
What really changes when we blame?
Why is our world telling us it is ok to blame?

If we stop and ask these questions it may become evident that this blame game is getting us nowhere and maybe, we need to look deeper at that word RESPONSIBILITY.

So if things go wrong or we get ourselves in a pickle, is it time we looked at the WHY questions?

So to keep it simple – we make some ugly choices that put us in a situation that is not good and we feel uncomfortable or we react, get stressed or get sick. At no point do we want to think that our choices may be contributing to what is going on in our life.

For example, we go to bed late every single day and we feel exhausted when we wake up. Our body is struggling and we keep pushing harder. We then eat foods to keep us going and we feel buzzy and racy and so it is not natural to fall asleep at bedtime. Things get worse, so we pop to the drug store and get the latest sleeping pills and they don’t work.

So we find it easier to blame as this option is very familiar and comfortable.

Do we ever stop and ask WHY we have a sleep issue?
Do we think that maybe our daily choices are why we have a sleep problem?

Blame the job
Blame the kids
Blame the partner
Blame the parents
Blame your childhood
Blame money issues
Blame the government
Blame the politicians
Blame the microwave
Blame the car
Blame the house
Blame the noisy neighbour
Blame the trains being late
Blame the curry last night
Blame the shop assistant
Blame the doctor
Blame the drugs
Blame the soccer results
Blame the war in the Middle East



Are we ready to accept that we maybe living a life of irresponsibility?

Back to the sleep example –

Could it be possible that we stopped caring for ourselves a long time ago and we do not value and appreciate the precious body we live in everyday?

Could it be possible that if we could admit our choices got us the lack of sleep, then there can be no blaming anything or anyone?

Could it be possible that if we Accept that we made ill choices, we would need to take responsibility and make better choices, but we don’t actually want to change?

Could it be possible that by blaming, we never ever have to address that we caused the issue in the first place?

Could it be possible that our choices got us in the mess and our new Responsible choices could get us out of the blame game forever?

Could it really be that simple?

We spend our life groaning, moaning, grappling, whinging and whining about anything and everything. We have a habit of looking outside of ourselves and blaming, without looking inside and seeing that we have contributed to the mess we are currently in, however big or small.

We think blaming means we get away with it.
Get away with what?
Do we really get away with it or do we just have a solution and bury the real issue deeper inside us?

Blaming has no room for being accountable for our choices.
In other words, we can make irresponsible choices and then if we don’t like something we can use blame which offers us relief.

Is it time now to stop blaming and start making responsible choices?
In other words – the opposite to the dictionary definition, to assign Responsibility back to us.


(1) Concise Oxford English Dictionary – Twelfth Edition. Oxford University Press. 2011

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Comments 25

  1. Blaming has always felt wrong to me. Thank you Simple Living Global for confirming my feeling. It is useless to blame, it just allows you to not take responsibility . It allows you to ignore something that happened for a reason. If you blame you don’t have to deal with something that has the potential of teaching you something. Everything happens for a reason. We can listen to the message that is being presented or we can ignore it. If we ignore it then it will just keep coming back until we listen.

    1. Correct Ken Elmer – ‘it is useless to blame’ and it then means we do not have to take responsibility so thats the cop out.
      I agree that it allows us to ignore something and by blaming we don’t get to learn or evolve so really there is no change.
      How many of us have felt like something keeps presenting itself and its like we never get past it because we haven’t leanrt the lesson.

  2. I can so relate to this for almost four decades I spent my time blaming people around me, parents, friends, work colleagues the list is endless. WHY because I was not prepared to take Responsibility for the way I was living. Quite shocking really. We all know deep down when we lash out on others it is really us Lashing out on ourselves! WHY because we don’t want to deal with our HURTS. I say this because I was one of them. Look at the state of the world all the hurt, pain and suffering and why because people Blame each other. So anyone reading this take note of what is being written this is the Real Deal and has certainly helped me to stop the Blame.

    1. It is shocking as you say here Priscilla but yet how many of us are still choosing to blame as lets face it – there is a choice. Our irresponsibility guarantees we don’t move on and what we need to look at is WHY. If we keep asking the WHY questions we will get there.

      Great when you say “anyone reading this take note of what is being written this is the Real Deal..”
      Blogs like this are the real deal and they are fresh air on our internet and much needed to knock out some of the nonsense that we keep facing in our everyday lives.

  3. What games we play in order to postpone the inevitable… taking of responsibility.

    Waiting for others to ‘get it right’, from a ‘good parent’ to an ‘enlightened president’ or the promised one coming down to erase all our sins and save us, is not reality; holding ourselves accountable and as the author of this honest blog states, it is our new responsible choices that will get us out of the mess our old choices got us into.

    I most have been more aware lately, of my own little blaming games; here and there using ‘outer’ excuses which enable me to seemingly ‘slip through the radar’ and to not face my own responsibility fully… but I actually know there is no getting away with being anything short of truth-full and/or loving as I feel it and we all feel it and I am seeing how every little thing always catches up to me anyway!

    What power we hold to change our lives, to change the world… and the key is in our own individual pocket, the key is called ‘taking responsibility’.

    1. Top comment Jo Elmer and love how you say basically who on earth are we waiting for when the ball is in our court. We just need to get on with it and start taking RESPONSIBILITY.
      Lets get real – we all have a past and done things we would not do now. So what?
      Why not start now and erase that past by LIVING IN RESPONSIBILITY consistently.
      Tall order maybe, but talking about it won’t change anything. Making small steps every single day to not harm yourself or others and then commit to living in way that supports you guarantees that past is erased in a way that it no longer holds you to ransom.

  4. Something in the news in Western Australia, made me come looking back at this blog. What the issue being highlighted is not important – but more the fact that when something happens – the blame starts to get pushed around very similarly in fact to a hot coal or a football as I saw it. The responsibility has to be quickly pushed on another so that one group or individuals can stay in the reaction they want and not look at all inwardly or at the circumstances with any clarity. The game is then shove and keep shoving for eventually the newspapers walk away and nothing is truly resolved – more stuff is then swept under the carpet. Interestingly in all of these incidences afar and close to our personal lives, the blame stuff now swept under the carpet never ever gets dealt with.

  5. That blame card we pull out every time is like our back up when things don’t go our way and what a cop out that really is.
    It does leave us feeling unsettled and this is the proof. A confirmation from our body saying “excuse me mate, that was not the way to handle your irresponsibility”.

    The other thing is we all know how it feels to be on the other end of blame. Awful when you know it is not true and you just got blamed for something you did not do.
    Imagine how many arguments or heated discussions go on each day around the world because of Blame.

  6. I agree with you Shevon – this website it unique and it presents EVERYTHING that we need to end the misery in our lives and move on by living with RESPONSIBILITY.
    Reporting REAL NEWS as you say is important and not only that we do our best to present in simple language so it is truly accessible by all equally.

    No airy fairy fluffy talk and no fancy long words makes the reading very easy.
    There is another way to live in this world and Simple Living Global are confirming this.

  7. I laughed out loud at ‘blame the microwave’. This really does shine a light on how much of a cover up blame is. Some blaming is more sophisticated so it’s harder to see the trick, but pointing out the ridiculousness of some of the excuses we make for ourselves really leaves us nowhere to hide, if we’re honest. But that means doing something about it – taking a true look every time we blame, at the part we played and at how we are reacting. Yikes… time to turn the finger back this way and see what’s really going on.

    1. Correct Jenifer Swallow – if we point out the ridiculousness and laugh out loud as you have done, then at least we get a reality check of how we have become masters of the blame game.
      ‘Doing something about it’ is the game changer and if we start with not pointing the finger outside of ourself – we may just feel the harm of what blame does.
      One thing I know from lived experience is it gets you to take full RESPONSIBILITY for all your choices and you get to feel the consequences of your ugly choices and thats ok as long as you learn. The great thing is no more blaming means more honesty in how we choose to live.

  8. Love your comment Jennifer. From my experience I’d say that we blame as we don’t want to feel the discomfort of knowing that we had a hand in whatever situation has been created. ‘

    It can feel very uncomfortable but staying in the blame does not move us forward at all.

    The last paragraph in this blog really brings it home

    ‘Is it time now to stop blaming and start making responsible choices?

    In other words – the opposite to the dictionary definition, to assign Responsibility back to us.’

  9. I have understood that blame is useless, and I have been good at catching myself when I want to blame . But going deeper I am feeling that there parts of my life that I do not want to deal with (take responsibility) because I still want someone or something out there to fix it. There is a stubborness that says “I will not deal with this issue and move on because I was hurt and I want someone to take responsibility for it.” So is this a sort of blame?
    Yes, I was hurt and it is not ok, but I am still holding on to something even though deep down I know that I am the only one who can deal with the hurt.
    I am understanding that I can constantly go deeper when it comes to responsibility.

  10. Blaming is certainly the easy option and for most people it seems to be the default position when something goes wrong. It seems to be innate in us to point the finger anywhere but at ourselves.
    Our everyday choices shape our lives so it is only logical that the consequences of those choices should be our responsibility, but yet, it is a very rare thing for someone to take that level of responsibility.
    The author has made a very good point when she says that we don’t want to take responsibility for our ill choices because if we did we would have to change.
    I agree.
    I feel that change is what most people really want but they are not prepared to put in the work to make, and sustain, the changes.
    New Years resolutions are a great example of this. Most resolutions will last only a few days until the comfort comes knocking on the door and then its back to the old ways blaming all and sundry for why they couldn’t continue with their resolution.
    In truth, we all know what we do that harms us but until we are ready to truly change, playing the blame game will be our first port of call.

    1. “I feel that change is what most people really want but they are not prepared to put in the work to make, and sustain, the changes.”

      I’m sure most of us could agree with you here, Tim. How many of us talk about wanting change but do little to nothing about it?

      It makes me ask myself ‘how much do we really want it?’.

  11. I was very good at blaming others, it was never about me, it was always ‘their’ fault and never ‘mine’. Over time I was not pleasant to be around and when ill health came knocking on my door, I had two choices, continue blaming others or look deep within myself as to why I was doing this.

    As already stated by Simple Living Global, I was not willing to take ‘responsibility’, I was making it hard work, but with persistence, it started to become the norm.

    I pondered further on this word and when I break down the word – ‘respons’. I see it as how would I respond? Most of the time I would have reacted adding further complications instead of simply responding.
    ‘ibility’ – what am I capable of doing? Ignore and continue this behaviour or have a choice to do something about it.

    I now ponder more on my actions and activities on a daily basis and have no hesitation to admit when I have been irresponsible for my actions and people see me more transparent, it gives them permission to be transparent and become more acquainted to responsibility.

  12. I have been working with listening to my body, not overriding it. Last Friday I had an amazing day, worked 9 hrs, felt strong. On Saturday my body was telling me I had to rest. I have been doing a lot of resting the last 10 years because of my past choices and it has been very challenging to stop and honor my body.

    So on Saturday when my body was telling me to rest, I had two options. Go into blame which is just a reaction to something that I do not want to accept. (Why do I have to rest again! I want another amazing day like Friday! It’s not fair!) . Or appreciate that I was able to work Friday and I had Saturday to rest.

    I was in reaction at first but then I stopped and felt all the amazing support that I was being offered. It was my choice how I perceived the situation. And that choice dictates my experience.

    Again it all comes down to taking responsibility for my life. It is all up to me what happens in my life, blaming is just complaining about something so you don’t have to deal with it.

  13. I’ve noticed recently some blaming I’m doing which is quite well hidden from sight. Judgement I’m carrying.
    Re-reading this blog, I’m reminded why we chose to look out rather than look in, where the real truth lays. The quiet ‘if only they would…’ or ‘it’s easier when…’ thoughts belie a responsibility avoidance in me and it’s time to have a look at that.
    Yet again I am appreciating the wisdom this site offers and keeps offering.

    1. This line is so true, Jenifer: “The quiet ‘if only they would…’ or ‘it’s easier when…’ thoughts belie a responsibility avoidance in me and it’s time to have a look at that.”

      In a place today where I am unhappy about a situation in my life and finding myself going back to those sorts of thoughts repeatedly and having to bring myself back to a place of accepting my part in it and needing to take responsibility for the next step regardless of what anyone else does or doesn’t do.

      But wow are those sorts of thoughts pernicious they keep sneaking in.

  14. This blame business is such a big thing. I see it day in and day out where we like to blame someone, something or anything but not us.

    Bit like saying we had nothing to do with it and circumstances made it happen or someone else or something outside of us but never did we have a hand in it.

    I was also the same until I learned about the truth of taking full RESPONSIBILITY for every single choice I make and then being accountable for those choices.

    Bit hairy to start with but now a great way to live and being open to anything that happens and that’s The End of finger pointing.

    This is a great blog about blame that makes sense –

    1. Yes I agree with you Bina this blame thing is such a big thing. Look at polictical figures who constantly blame each other when things go wrong. Why is it as a society we are still looking to BLAME EACH OTHER for choices we made in the first instance. When I started to explore this a few years ago I found it hard because I spent years blaming everyone for the things that went wrong in my life. But as I started to understand that the RESPONSIBILITY for my own choices lay with me it started to get easier. My relationship with people in general changed and the Anger Monster I once was left the building (pun intended).

      Someone reading this might think how is this possible. But IT IS!
      -We cannot blame our parents for our poor child hood because some way along the line we grow up and make our own choices.
      -We cannot blame our partner, friends and family if we chose to have a late night and the following day we are exhausted.
      -We cannot blame the bus driver for missing the bus if we chose to leave the house late.
      -We cannot blame the cooker if we burn the dinner because we are distracted with something else.
      -We cannot blame our line manager because we decided not to express how we felt about a situation at the time.
      -We cannot blame the other person because we do not like what is being said.

      The list is endless and it is about time the World opened their eyes and took RESPONSIBILITY for their own Choices.

  15. All of my life I’ve blamed others for my life’s circumstances -whether it be my parents, other family members, friends, bosses, anyone.

    The interesting thing about this blaming behaviour is that I thought I was taking responsibility but then I started to take notice of my thoughts and realised even though I was not blaming outwardly the mere fact that I would have blaming thoughts was equal to me not taking responsibility for my life and my actions.

    What if every situation that we find ourselves in we have contributed to?

    What if the choices that we make on a daily basis are like building blocks and they lead us to where we are going?

    Could there be an ‘audit trail’ if we were to track back any situation and therefore no surprises as to how we got there?

    Could these types of questions and the wisdom in this blog by Simple Living Global be what we need to stop any blame?

    1. “What if every situation that we find ourselves in we have contributed to?

      What if the choices that we make on a daily basis are like building blocks and they lead us to where we are going?”

      Shevon, these are VERY interesting questions.

      If our choices contribute to all we experience, that would totally debunk the blame game.

  16. Today I read a newspaper article, speaking of the incredible rise in childhood obesity. The article stated that 1 in 5 children will be obese when they leave primary school and another third overweight.

    The writer points the finger and blames irresponsible parenting as the cause, but do we just stop there or is there more?

    Could it be possible that we all have a hand in this?

    We don’t have to be parents to interact with children and if we look at ourselves – teachers, aunts, uncles, neighbours, family friends, shop keepers – all of the people children come into contact with, can we honestly hold our hands up and say that we are true role models for our children regarding our relationships with food, our body and how we treat ourselves?

    If we cannot, would we not be wiser to start with ourselves, by getting our act together, rather than pointing any fingers out there?

  17. There are so many arguments that go on every day as a result of blame.

    Government is a great example and whenever I look at a debate in the House of Commons that is exactly what is going on – finger pointing and blame.

    Whenever something goes wrong or is exposed very rarely do all we all ponder on our part in what has happened. Now that would be taking responsibility. What would our world be like if we did this in all areas of life?

    Would things get resolved much quicker?

    I live in a family where we do not blame each other but take responsibility for our actions, which requires honesty. This resolves conflicts much quicker or causes them not to arise at all.

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