What does Birthdays mean to us –
Dream about it
Pretend it’s not happening
Want the gifts
Wishes come true
Secretly loving the attention
Hope the world forgets
Don’t need a reminder
Waste of time
Waste of money
Celebrate in style
Fireworks and fluff
Day off work
Major plotting and planning
Licence to go crazy
Loads of alcohol
Permission to Indulge
Got to have a big Party
Make it all about the food
Spend all day pampering
Feel same as any other day
No big deal
WHY do some of us want more and more for our Birthday?
WHY is the more never enough so we go in search for even more?
WHY do we look for way out and whacky birthday themes?
WHY do we want to be known for doing something different?
WHY do we think our birthdays are a licence to go crazy?
WHY do we lose rational thinking when it comes to a birthday?
WHY do we forget our common sense hat when it is birthday time?
WHY do we want so much for just that one day called birthday?
WHY do we spend so much time and effort on our birthday?
WHY do we feel it is important to do this whole birthday stuff?
WHY do we get left with a sense of guilt if we don’t do birthdays?
WHY do we look the odd one out if we are not into big birthdays?
WHY are we investing so much into our children’s birthday parties?
WHY do we want our children to have the birthday we never had?
WHY do we over spend when it comes to our kids’ birthday?
WHY is the birthday industry so huge?
So how do we spend our Birth Day and what does it mean to us?
Birthdays are big business – especially for our children.
So here we have it – a tiny snapshot of what we are spending on our children’s birthdays.
It would be true to say that there is very little research, so we cannot get real figures that reflect the truth of what is going on.
What if we were living our dreams through our children’s birthday parties?
What if we were buying gifts for our kids that we really wanted?
What if we are filling a void inside us when it comes to celebrating birthdays?
What if we want our babies’ birthday party as an excuse to have a big bash to suit our needs?
What if we just want to be seen to be doing what others do for birthdays?
What if we just have to have what others bang on about – a birthday to remember?
What if we are going with champagne but the budget we have is for lemonade only?
What if we dread these birthday bashes as the cost stings us later?
What if we just want our kids to think we are great so we spend loads of money on them?
What if we have never bothered to check in with our kids how they are truly feeling?
What if we think we can erase all the ugly stuff with a big fat birthday bonanza?
What if we just want a spectacular event for our kids’ birthday so others know where we stand?
What if we just do the birthday thing every year to fit in with the world and its brothers?
What if we love the thought of going crazy for one day with all the people we know?
What if the alcohol we consume helps us to numb the stuff we want to forget?
What if daily life makes our body feel dense and planning our birthday takes that away?
We each have a choice – always a choice.
What we do, what we think, what we say and how we do what we do and who with.
How does our birthday make us feel?
What does it bring up for us inside?
How do we go about this birthday stuff?
How do we celebrate our Day of Birth?
Do we feel one thing and say something else?
Do we secretly want the recognition but pretend we don’t?
Do we make out we do not care about our birthday but we do really?
Do we wish the whole birthday stuff would just go away?
Do we look forward to it because it brings us something?
Do we subscribe to the birthday stuff that’s out there?
Do we fall for the ‘let’s make it bigger and better than last year’?
Do we play nicey-nice when we get a gift we really don’t like?
Do we have an expectation of what we want our birthday to look like?
Do we have an image, a picture of how it should all turn out on the day?
Do we feel sad if our nearest and dearest forget our big day?
Do we dread certain bits of our birthday, like inviting family members?
Do we end up having a birthday pleasing other people?
Do we feel something is missing in our life, so we have a birthday bash?
Do we make a big deal and feel disappointed at the end but don’t know why?
Do we think our wish list is way off and we don’t like that feeling?
Do we know how to celebrate who we truly are?
Do we have a deep sense of appreciation for who we are in essence?
Do we live in a way that feels like it is our Birthday every day?
Now a brief summary of real life stuff from my own birthday memories:
18th – teenage marriage, deeply unhappy inside. No memory of a celebration.
21st – big party, hired venue – invited everyone, so others think I knew lots of people.
30th – close friends, paid for fancy restaurant and copious amounts of alcohol.
40th – close family only, indulging dinner and paying the bill felt good.
50th – with mr husband, shopping spree and dinner in expensive restaurant.
Up until my mid-forties, I had an expectation of how my birthday should be and of course it left me hurt and disappointed. Nothing was ever enough and the truth was I never felt enough inside me.
How on earth can a date in the calendar just magically change how we feel?
The misery, agony, exhaustion and struggle of life greeted me every morning and that meant the same on my birthday.
No commitment to any area of life ALL year but somehow expected the birth day to deliver what I wanted, on my terms and think it was all going to be just great.
Zero effort to take care of myself or listen to what my body needed, which was not in good shape, but demanded that the birthday erase all that and just deliver the magic with champagne and a big fat cake for starters.
Alcohol was a must and the bubbly stuff done the job to numb everything nicely for many years.
Counting how many cards I got had an effect on my moods.
Most gifts ended up in goodwill charity shops or given away to someone else.
Demanding presents from my husband and never using them.
Cupboard full of unused gifts, hoarded for that ‘one day’ when the big house comes.
Finding ways to ‘out-do’ others with next idea for a birthday bash.
The TRUTH – all very boring and feeling the void once the day was over.
Fake and phoney life needs to be knocked out and time for a true foundation in life.
No more subscribing to an illusion that guaranteed feeling empty inside every day.
2005 – In comes the much needed wake up call, which came with a big dose of common sense.
Serge Benhayon – Universal Medicine to present the real Truth about life on earth.
This feelings business and taking deep care of myself was simply not my thing.
However, every single thing this man said made simple sense, so I gave it a go.
Time to get Real and get Honest.
How was I choosing to live every day?
So there is Another way to Live.
The BIG BIRTHDAY REALISATION was how invested I was in the ‘outside world’ giving me something.
Attention, Recognition, Identification and Emotional love to make me feel special and remembering my day with cards, cash and gifts.
Roll on today – 55th Birthday
No big deal
No wish list
No fancy cake
No gifts needed
No indulging with my best friend
No hot date with my man
No feel sorry for me
No looking on the outside
No wanting anything
No craving this and that
No plotting and planning
No pleasing anyone
No trying hard to be someone
No more lying
No thing missing
The above list has come from a strong Commitment to Life and that means every area of our life and not just the bits we like or are less challenging.
Words that are now lived to the best of my ability without any need for perfection are:
So just in case anyone is wondering how today is going – same same here, business as usual – GETTING ON WITH IT.
There is no gift out there that can buy ‘knowing and living who we truly are’ and celebrating that quality which unites and holds us ALL equally. It comes with a deeper form of stillness that allows for more awareness and a quality that can be described as a solid confidence in daily life.
Something you cannot learn or buy and you can’t wing it.
Might sound a bit way off and whacky words, but is this what is missing?
In other words, when we know who we truly are, it is only then we feel connected with everyone else and feel the Equalness and this is what brings us more awareness – something we all need for our evolution.
Written by Bina Pattel
Posted – 27 March 2017
(1) (2016). Facts and Figures. Greeting Card Association. Retrieved March 23, 2017 from
(2) (2015, May 25). Parents Spend £19k on Children’s Birthday Parties Over Lifetime. The Telegraph. Retrieved March 23, 2017 from
(3) Hope, K. (2015, April 6). How Much? The Crazy Cost of Children’s Parties. BBC News. Retrieved March 23, 2017 from
(4) Taylor, C. (2016, January 20). How Parents Can Fight the Birthday-Industrial Complex. Reuters. Retrieved March 23, 2017 from