Double Life

How many of us are leading a double life?
How many of us are living two people everyday?
How many of us have a mask on for the outside world?
How many of us are not even real in our own home?
How many of us are dis-honest about our double life?
How many of us have made a double life just normal?

Some 60% thought that their friends show a fake version of themselves on social media. (1)

How many of us are using social media to lead more than a double life?

WHY are our children leading a double life online these days?
WHY are our teenagers ok with posting pictures with airbrushing?
WHY are our Youth happy to lie on social media with their double life?
WHY do we champion and accept all this stuff as normal?

How many of us have made the Internet our playground to be lots of different people?

How many of us dress and look the part for work and then go home to our porn sites that no one knows about?

How many of us know we are not real because we are living a double life all the time?

How many of us are really uncomfortable with our double life?

How many of us think we are not different people but in Truth we are?

How many faces do we show the world?
How many different hats do we have for different people?

WHY do we have a telephone voice that is not real?
WHY does our voicemail message sound like another person?
WHY do we talk differently at work like we are someone else?
WHY do we act like one person at home and different outside?
WHY do we let loose with the tongue if its family but not the boss?

WHY do we know we are not being real with our parents?
WHY do we talk to our kids in a childish voice as if its real?
WHY do we change our voice tone with people in authority?
WHY do we have a different voice for the public out there?
WHY do we have a different face for certain people?
WHY do we think it is totally ok to not be real all of the time?

WHY do we hide from the fact that leading a double life is draining us?
WHY do we find it hard at times juggling our double life?
WHY do we behave odd when we know we are not being honest?
WHY do we compartmentalize our life so we can be different people?
WHY do we confide in friends but show a different side to others?
WHY do we show only half of us to most of the world as that feels safe?

WHY do we respond differently depending on who we are at the time?
WHY do we want people to see a fake and phoney side of us?
WHY do we consistently lie about leading a double life?
WHY do we like the thought of living two people all the time?
WHY do we think we can get away with living a double life?
WHY do we know deep down that living a double life sucks?

Dear World

What has happened and where did it go wrong that we are now living a double life?
In other words, not being real and true all of the time, day in and day out.

When did we give up being who we truly are?
When did we start this double life and get great at acting?

WHY are we so concerned about how the world and its brothers will view us and judge us?

At what point in our life did we make a choice to lead a double life?

WHY are we choosing to not be aware of our unreal face that we present to the world outside?

WHY are we unable to be raw, upfront and open with others and only do that with our best friend?

WHY do we water down our conversations and dilute the Truth we feel living this double life?

WHY do we wake up with that anxious feeling in our belly, as we got the jitters knowing we are living a double life?

WHY do we have different standards when it comes to different people in our double life world?

WHY are we so uncomfortable if others get a glimpse of our natural self?

WHY have we never bothered to ask questions like this?
When did we lose the plot and become these different people?

How does our body’s physiology respond when we are not being true?
How does our body react when we start living a double life?
What changes in our body when we live a double life everyday?
What are the long-term consequences of living a false life?
What if our daily choices of living a double life makes us sick?

Could it be possible that a double life makes us ill because our body is living something that it knows is not the Truth?

What about the fact that it may be a triple life or more?
In other words, we are different people with so many faces.

How difficult is it really for us to juggle being all these different characters, just so we can –

Please
Pander
Be good
Be cool
Be popular
Be noticed
Be recognised
Be nice
Be liked
Be loved
Not rock the boat
Have a stress-free life

How true is all of this and does it really work?
Does it help us or others?
Who gets the benefit?
Is this an honest way to live life?

Could it be possible that it takes hard work and effort to be someone we are NOT?

Could it be possible that it is draining on our natural life force to live a double life?

Could it be possible that it is fake and phoney to pretend being something we are clearly not?

Could it be possible that our blood pressure would rise at the thought of not being who we truly are?

Could it be possible that our heart would feel the hardness of living a double life?

Could it be possible that living a double life does hurt us and our family, friends, colleagues and our world?

Could it be possible that we live with people that we know live more than a double life but say nothing?

Could it be possible that we just accept that most of our world do this double life living, so somehow it makes it ok?

Could it be possible that being real and true does not feel safe, so we pretend to be someone else?

Could it be possible that the unreal face that we show the world, hides our hurts that we have never got over?

Could it be possible that we enjoy bullying others online with our pseudonyms as it makes us feel better about ourselves?

Could it be possible that being a serious Internet troll online, seems ok as the day job will never know about it?

Could it be possible that living ONE LIFE same same and being True all of the time just does not feel enough?

Could it be possible that we don’t know how to change as everyone we hang out with is also living a double life?

Could it be possible that it takes a strong Commitment to Life and the word RESPONSIBILITY to live a life of CONSISTENCY that is real and true?
In other words, we can just be real and upfront and honest all of the time.

Million dollar question –
What is the quality we are choosing to live everyday, if we cannot be just one person which is real and true?

WHY is it so hard to accept and allow ourselves to be just one person?

What if peeling away the un-real face and being real is what the world actually wants?

What if we were the same with our partners, family, neighbours, best friend, big boss at work, the police and the pope if he came knocking on our door?

What if we started to take small steps to be honest about how we are choosing to live and become real and remain consistent and the same with everyone on earth, no matter what their background?

Think about it – as a tiny baby we had permission to just be who we are and there was nothing outside of us that could change that. We were adored, loved and cherished from day dot so we never wanted more.

So when did it all change and when did we think it was ok to not be who we truly are and live a Double Life?

References

(1) Thelwell, E. (2017, October 5). Teens ‘Rebelling Against Social Media’, Say Headteachers. BBC News. Retrieved October 8, 2017 from
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-41509402

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Comments 26

  1. “What if we were the same with our partners, family, neighbours, best friend, big boss at work, the police and the pope if he came knocking on our door?”

    This is such a great blog. And this is such a great question.

    How many of us can say we do not change ourselves from one situation to the next, depending on who we are talking to?

    How many of us could say we would not behave differently if the Pope came round for tea?!

  2. It is interesting to consider the physiological impact of acting like a chameleon with different people. It makes sense that this would be an exhausting way to live.

    This is definitely worth studying.

  3. Yes, I have realized l have been performing most of my life. Changing my behavior to suit the situation.

    Why did I do that? I started off life just being me. It just made sense, no thought involved. So something happening that made me believe I had to change the way I was in order to be in the world.

    This is a huge topic. What could possibly be more important than just being who I am?

    Is this why I believed it was ok to live a double life? So I did not have to be honest with myself and face the fact that I gave up on a part of me in order to be in the world? That I gave up, even when deep down I knew it was the wrong thing to do.

    I have been feeling the devastation of this choice thatIl made. It started by being honest and asking questions like ” Why did l feel it was ok to live a double life?” Then with support from Simple Living Global and patience and commitment on my part, I am remembering the part of me I gave up on.

    Getting to the bottom of this double life thing has the potential to turn our world around. When we are not just being ourselves, it makes our lives complicated and untrue. It just does not feel right.

  4. What a great blog. Yet again Simple Living Global has published a blog that I, and I know a lot of people can relate to.

    I spent so much of my life putting on different faces for different people.
    It was most definitely a mask I got used to using because I just did notTrust the World at all. Looking back I don’t know how I put up the farcade for so long.
    All I know I ended up with Chronic Exhaustion amongst other things.

    The relief I felt when I started to take off the mask was amazing. My anxiety dropped two fold, I no longer bite my nails (which was chronic since the age of 5), my chronic thyroid condition reversed, I sleep and eat better; and most of all I gave myself permission to just be myself.
    I could not have done this without the help of Simple Living Global and I thank them with deep appreciation.

    Imagine if everyone in the world woke up and started the day as themselves rather than someone else. Would the world not be a more loving and gentle place. I think so!

  5. Imagine the tension in our bodies when we are existing in a way that is not us.

    It takes energy to constantly be ready to change ourselves to suit the situation. Our focus is out there rather than with ourselves. How can we make good choices about life when we’re not connected to our self?

    I have lived like that, for most of my life. Not listening to myself because I was not with myself.

    Finally my body said enough, you are not listening, so I have to stop you. Massive exhaustion.
    I could barely walkup stairs. Very scary but thats what it took for me to listen.

    Simple Living Global’s Back to Basics program is what supported me to remember myself basically. To re-connect to my body, and reverse the pattern of not being me.

    Just living me has turned my life around. My energy is returning slowly and I am feeling a level of contentment that is amazing. Such a simple thing that just makes sense. Just be you the best you can in any situation.

  6. It is interesting to consider the physiological impact of acting like a chameleon with different people.

    It makes sense that this would be an exhausting way to live.

    This is definitely worth studying.

  7. Yes Jacob, That is the question to ask! If you can ask questions like that with honesty, it shows you are open to another way to live your life! This way of being is the beginning of making true change in the world. You are so wise Jacob!

  8. What a great blog. This question got me pondering.. ‘WHY are we choosing to not be aware of our unreal face that we present to the world outside?’ I know I had chosen to be unaware of the many faces I put on for the world, but why..? I haven’t asked myself this before..

    I feel it has been because when I am being me I would not be accepted, not fit in, not be liked, stand out.. yet I love it when someone wears their real face with me, I find it so refreshing.I have realised that as I accept myself more and more, peel away my unreal faces, Mrs Nice was and is a big one, this allows me to be just me, feeling confident and expressing what I feel with everyone I meet.

    This is still a work in progress and I am really enjoying it as less and less I feel I am being who I am not. The more I accept myself the more aware I am of my unreal face, when it’s there and how much this compromises who I really am and what I reflect to others.

  9. I have lived a double life because I was so afraid of not fitting in in the world. Why did I feel I did not fit in is the next question?

    I did not think I was like everbody, that I was different. I thought I was different because I could see that everyone was not being themselves, and I was confused. I knew something was wrong , but did not know what to do about it. I was different but what everyone else was doing did not feel right.

    So either stay myself and not feel like I fit in or give up on being me and be like everyone else. So guess what did?

    With support from Simple Living Global I am remembering me and now it is my responsibility to show the world me, so that they can see that it is ok to stay themselves. It is the only way to be.

  10. Reading this blog makes me think of ‘a phone voice’ how many of us have a phone voice?
    I have heard this expression a lot, oh that’s my phone voice.
    Why do we need to put on a phone voice? What does it do for us?
    What does it feel like to be on the other end of a phone voice, I’m pretty sure we can tell when it is..

  11. I just saw a driving instructor tearing dangerously down a 20 mph road.

    This is a person who’s job it is to teach others to drive safely and respect the road.

    It made me think of how this double life thing we do is everywhere.

    1. Great observation Jenifer – I have seen other professionals who by day act a certain way and by night or other parts of their life act in a way that is completely irresponsible.

  12. I am remembering and feeling the agony of not living me when I was a teenager. I was afraid of doing what felt right. I did not want to go against what my parents and society was telling me.

    I had this belief that girls were different, that I had to be careful around them. But there was a part of me that that just wanted them. I am 66 years old now and have finally come to terms with this issue.

    So I have lived most of my life with this false belief, and it has distorted my interactions with all the women in my life, and played a big part in my exhaustion because I was living two lives.

    Another powerful lesson in the importance just being myself.

  13. I know in the past I have lived two sides of me – one that was visible to the world and the other that was ‘private’. I was highly successful on the outside – great jobs, great home, smart car, well dressed, great social life etc etc – yet deep inside I was anxious, lonely, miserable and exhausted. I never shared how I truly felt on the inside and people used to congratulate me on how great my life was – it was like I had a deep dark secret.

    Nowadays I feel a lot more whole in that I share my innermost, and how I feel on the inside is what you see on the outside. That change has been through taking a deep responsibility, and being honest, and feeling okay to be fragile in life and not pretend to the world I was something I was not.

  14. Yes Jane, I have lived like that, putting on a show that everything is alright. I did that because I was ashamed to admit the fact that something was wrong. That makes no sense, nothing will change if I do not accept the fact that what I am doing is not working.

    This is how most of the world is living, and why the world is such a mess. Denial does not work.

    That is why it is so important to speak up about things that feel wrong in the world.

    I have been expressing myself more and more every day. It feels amazing and has allowed me to speak up about thing’s that I have always cared about but never said. It really has opened up a part of me that I had forgotten.

    So be yourself, express what you feel, it CAN change the world.

  15. Gosh, I know so many people who live a double or triple life and think nothing of it.

    As a double life lady in the past, I can say now it was draining and boring.

    What an utter waste of my time and energy to try and be something I am not and what I realise now is it was all about the outside. By that I mean it was for the world, at the cost of my internal world, my body.
    It was a false way of choosing to be in this world making out I was doing great but all the time, living a fake and phoney life which simply was a lie.

    Today, it would be True to say that I stand up for Truth in the best way that I know and when it comes to expressing the Truth in any situation, it is not like me to mince my words, hold back or sit on the fence. I just say it as it is and that way I get to bed not holding anything unsaid inside me. Of course I have to discern what to say and not say, but generally with daily practice of not holding back it has got easier.

    A classic example is my relationship now with my elderly parents, where they have come to respect me even more with my no nonsense straight talking truth style. They know I will challenge them, never hold back when it comes to Truth and speak to them with the utmost respect, but Truth is Truth so no point doing the double two faced stuff I used to just to keep the peace, so to speak.

    I notice that I never have the tension in my body, the hardness or the need to pick up the phone and moan now after seeing my parents.

    Interesting.

  16. I was listening to a programme on Radio 4 yesterday, about criminals in Glasgow who turn their lives around.

    One guy who has made huge changes in his life, talked about how great it now feels earning ‘honest money’, even though he has less of it, because he is free of the tension of his old double life.

    He was sharing how it was to live that double life, for example knowing the police could knock at his door any time.

  17. This is a great blog, Simple Living Global, and one that is very timeless as everyone one of us has at some point, and I would say that most of us still are, leading a double life.

    Some may say that that is a harsh thing to say but if we truly looked at what this means, we would see the truth in this.

    Yes, most of us don’t live the obvious double life of being a crime fighter or someone that visits sites on the internet spewing out hate and vitriol anonymously or not, or anything in between, but for most of us, the double life consists of not speaking our truth in any and every given moment and not being the same with everyone whether it’s our family, friends or work colleagues.

    As this blog states, we don’t start out leading a double life but we find ways of coping, we find ways that will make others more comfortable and we learn to pander to others so as to not upset them.

    When we have those moments when we do speak the truth, others don’t like it and then we get labelled as heartless, uncaring or thoughtless.

    From a personal point, I know I was very much like that. Very rarely speaking the truth so as to not rock the boat but probably more importantly, to be liked.

    The thing is though, this way of being is actually harder than being ourselves. Knowing the difference, I find it to be more draining for my body and it doesn’t feel nice.

    However uncomfortable it may be for someone to hear the truth, it is better than having the uncomfortable feeling in ourselves from not speaking the truth.

  18. A double life equals double the energy keeping up the charade; which is exhausting.

    When we act a certain way that is not us we can feel the drain in our body. I know this because I have done this many times over the years.

    It is great to re-visit this blog.

  19. I was listening to a receptionist at a health clinic talking to one of the staff. He said ‘thank you for coming in last minute today, I didn’t feel like changing all the appointments for these bloody clients’.

    This is a guy who is a picture of niceness on reception and when talking to clients on the phone.

    And yet how he really feels is completely different.

    What a drain that must be for him to keep up that charade.

    And the charade is pretty obvious. I wonder how many clients suspect how he really feels.

    And I wonder what impact that suspicion or knowing has – how it degrades trust not just in that interaction, but in our wider interactions and society.

  20. I have been looking at this Double life thing today and thought about when I was growing up and even into adulthood how I would place people in certain professions on a pedestal e.g. doctors, nurses, teachers, government officials, police officers, etc.

    I believed that these were the good citizens that I should aspire to be.

    However as I have got older and wiser, this is something that I have started to question, as increasingly it is revealed that those we look up to in society are not living the picture perfect professional image in their private lives they present to the world; with many suffering from mental health problems, having suicidal thoughts, drug and alcohol issues, experiencing domestic violence in relationships, carrying out fraud and corrupt deals behind the scenes and the list goes on.

    To have a private life one way and a professional life another way, is an example of leading a double life.

    So when we think about it, if we are offering a professional service but have a lousy private life, what kind of service are we truly offering?

    Are we living role models offering any inspirational change to our clients or are we another person that they become suspicious of as they can tell that something is not quite right.

    As much as we may try to hide our private lives, people can feel when we are presenting one image to the world but are living another way behind the scenes. This only creates mistrust in them.

    I have started taking responsibility for the way that I live. I work in the housing industry and do my utmost to ensure that what I tell my clients is also what I live.

    No point advising someone of the importance of paying their rent, for example if I am in rent arrears, this would make no sense and would not benefit them at all.

  21. Thank you for this outstanding blog.

    I feel that many of us have an issue with leading a double life or presenting an inauthentic face to the world.

    An example from my life is my willingness to meet people in bars and pubs even though I don’t like being in pubs or bars.

    About 10 years ago, I stopped drinking alcohol. Since then, I have not enjoyed being around people who drink alcohol and I feel that pubs and bars are unhealthy places because alcohol consumption negatively affects the energy of a group or environment.

    However, I do occasionally go to pubs and bars for meetings or to meet certain friends if not to do so would mean missing an important meeting or missing out on seeing a friend I have not seen in a while.

    On these occasions, I invariably make a decision when I arrive at the venue that I will be spending the evening in an unhealthy and harmful environment and I will suppress and bury the discomfort that I feel in my body so I can be with the people I want to be with.

    So, in these situations, I override the wisdom of my body saying “get out of this place” so I can get the approval and recognition I seek from certain people. That is not healthy, self-nurturing behaviour.

    As I write this comment, it occurs to me that the reason I lead a double life at times is that my connection to my real inner Self is not as constant, clear or strong as it could be. Therefore, the personality I present to the world is fluid, vulnerable to outside influence, and not always a true reflection of the real me inside.

  22. Thank you for this exceptional blog.

    I have lost many years of my adult life to depression. Through much of this time I was unemployed. I spent my days alone, mostly slumped in front of the television, feeling low and heavy, trying in vain to escape being myself.

    During these periods of depression, there were times when I couldn’t face being with people.

    There were also periods when I yearned to be with people and to feel connection to others.

    So, when I felt able to do so, I would say yes to invitations from friends and then spend evenings in the company of others.

    On these occasions, I would put on a pretence and tell my friends that I was fine, life was fine and everything was great. I used to do my best to act the part of a not-depressed person.

    I put on this pretence of being OK so I could be acceptable company to the friends I wanted to feel connection to. But this was absurd – there was no way I could have a real connection with people when I was presenting a pretend version of myself to them.

  23. One of the big points I’m getting from reading this blog is that it’s hard work to do the many lives thing.

    I feel the tension of putting on different faces.

    There is something about confiding in our closest friends that stuck out for me here. I used to be a huge fan of this- the more I could confide in a friend, the more I thought I could trust that friend.

    But what is actually going on here? Am I just talking behind people’s backs?
    Am I just moaning?
    Am I giving myself more reason to not trust?
    Am I creating more tension for myself? And for others? After all, my close friend gets the message that it’s not safe out there too.
    Am I excluding others?

    I used to have a ‘best friend’ and I would supposedly love showing others that my best friend and I had a special connection by being different with her.

    However, I always felt a tension in doing this. I could also feel jealousy from others because they wanted closeness with people.

  24. Talking to a hairdresser yesterday, she was sharing how she is coping in her relationship.

    She feels she can’t say much or embrace the changes she feels in herself, because it disturbs her husband.

    He feels threatened by her independence and capability and the new ways she is finding for herself. He just wants her to stay the way she was.

    She doesn’t want to rock the boat.

    We talked about why he feels this way and also about what happens when you keep yourself confined in a double life. In her case, the one she increasingly lives at work and feels on the inside, and the one she lives at home with her family.

    What sort of pressure builds up inside? What resentment?

    She said she was glad to have talked about this. That she has been feeling a lot for a while but hasn’t been able to express it or process it.

    It got me wondering how many others feel similarly?

    Surely many, many people are living with this and feeling this way.

    How are they coping? What are the consequences over time?

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