WHY do we want the Perfect Life?
WHY do we dream about a Perfect Life?
WHY are we seeking the Perfect Life?
WHY do we need a Perfect Life?
WHY do we want the –
Perfect Social Life?
WHY do we want goals that are not real?
WHY do we yearn for things that are not sustainable?
WHY do we want ambitions that are not attainable?
WHY do we keep striving for more and more?
WHY are we obsessed with having the Perfect Life?
WHY are we driving our body to get the Perfect Life?
WHY do we think that the Perfect Life takes away our problems?
WHY is it that when we get there, it is not perfect and we are not content?
Could it be possible that our mind changes the goal so we never reach perfection?
Could it be possible that there is no such thing as the perfect life?
Could it be possible that we are designed to be human and not perfect?
Could it be possible that in Truth there is no one in this world who has a perfect life, wife or all the things we want and don’t have?
Could it be possible that wanting or needing to be Perfect in any area of our life is going to lead to failure as it really is a goal we can never get to?
So what exactly is Perfect?
Let’s check our reliable Concise Oxford English Dictionary (1) –
Having all the required elements, qualities or characteristics.
Free from any flaw; faultless.
Google and you get a few more words like –
Exact, Precisely Accurate, Free from any defect in condition or quality.
Consider the pressure on our human body trying to live with precise and exact qualities with no flaws.
Consider the drive needed to live faultless and free from any defect.
HELLO – Bit of a tall order or what?
Can we stop and press the pause button here?
Do we need a reality check?
Who can actually live up to any of this?
Who is setting the marker?
Who on earth has this in their lives?
If we do know someone that we think has the Perfect Life, then have we studied them 24/7 for 10 years?
If not, then how can we say they have a ‘perfect life’?
Do we really truly know them and are we fully aware of all the choices they are making in every single moment?
A great example is a superstar celebrity who has all the trimmings that we think is perfect and that includes fame, fortune and the perfect private life to match.
But do we truly know them?
Do we know them personally?
Do we know how they are choosing to live every day?
Do we know about their childhood?
Do we know if they are living a see through life?
Where did we get the information from telling us they have a Perfect Life?
Are we being absolutely honest when we say they have the Perfect Life?
How does it support us if we have the media airbrushing and we pretend that these people are real and we do what it takes to get the same Perfect Life? See Link
Could it be possible that we try and copy with a mindset that believes we can be the same?
Could it be possible that we follow the diet or lifestyle that this famous celebrity is living?
What effect is this airbrushing having on our kids who maybe far from ‘perfect’?
Airbrushing and Retouching is now rife on social media platforms.
Traditional teenage pressure to look slim has been dramatically accentuated by the growth of social media and intense pressure from online bullying.
9 out of 10 girls in some schools are doctoring their pictures to appear thinner.
Dr. Pippa Hugo – Consultant Psychiatrist, London Priory Hospital (2)
It would be more unusual for them to upload a completely undoctored picture to Instagram. This is an “open secret” as everyone does it but no-one admits to it.
Isabelle Whiteley – Photographer & Researcher of That’s What She Said Project (3)
Doctors are concerned that this “selfie” culture is fuelling an increase in eating disorders. (2)
Think about it with our common sense hat on – there is pressure to conform and not stand out like the odd one out so our teenage girls go along with it.
It would be common sense to say this way of living is not natural, so of course it is going to have an effect on their breathing and what they choose to eat or not eat.
Add to this that the majority of who they hang out with are all doing it, so it becomes the norm instead of abnormal.
How serious is it when there are mobile phone manufacturers today who have beauty settings so we can ‘automatically’ airbrush our selfies?
We do not need any rocket science education here to work out how many are possibly using this to make themselves look like what they think the world wants.
Have we heard of Imposter Syndrome? (4)
Is this something that Perfectionism brings, like an undercurrent where we feel a fraud as we know it is not really us?
Girlguiding UK have reported that 25% of 7 to 10 year old girls felt the need to be perfect. (5)
Can we just stop and re-read this and ask WHY is this at such a young age now?
What is the world saying to them?
How is their daily life contributing to this?
Do the parents have a Responsibility here?
Does the schooling have a hand in this?
Are we blaming the media for this rise?
Is the Internet now the culprit?
WHY is Perfectionism linked to anxiety and depression? (5)
This is serious stuff as we now go into mental health, which statistics are telling us is rising out of control.
Could it be possible that our body goes into a state of anxiousness when it is not living a real life that is true?
Could it be possible that wanting Perfectionism is not realistic and deep down we know this and so it leads to us giving up on life?
Could it be possible that we give up on life as we are not committed to life?
Could it be possible that we are exhausted because of how we choose to live and this is the start of our depression?
Could it be possible that we have a picture of what the Perfect Life is and our real life is far from it and that makes us depressed?
Could it be possible that we are busy trying to be something we are not and that is what makes us anxious?
Could it be possible that we are not equipped to deal with our daily life stuff because we are exhausted and this leads to anxiety and depression?
Could it be possible that the choices we are making every day are contributing to the anxiety we feel but we can’t seem to find a way out?
Could it be possible that by doing what others do in their quest for a perfect life, this keeps us the same, so we don’t stand out as different?
WHY do we blame Society for giving us expectations about beauty?
Who is Society?
Who makes Society?
WHY does Society supply us with what we want?
What are we demanding from Society to deliver?
Do we stop and consider that each of us contributes to what we call Society?
Do we think that we may just have a hand in what Society is telling us?
Could it be possible that we as individuals are subscribing to the Perfect Life and so Society supplies us the Perfect Lifestyle choices to help us achieve this?
Could it be possible that we lose sense of reality when we try and be like another?
Could it be possible that this way of wanting another person’s life is not attainable?
Could it be possible that we seek the perfect life of another to avoid living our own life because we don’t like the choices we keep making?
Could it be possible that something is missing in our own life and so we seek to live another person’s life that we think is perfect?
Could it be possible that we cannot sustain this other way and so we give up?
Could it be possible that this ‘perfect life’ we see in another is far from perfect but we choose not to see the whole and just focus on the parts that suit the picture of ‘perfect’ in our mind?
WHY do we want the Perfect Life of another person but never look at the daily choices we are making that have given us the life we now have?
Have we as a society given up on our lives so we fantasise about the Perfect Life?
Do we find life a struggle so we choose to buy a lottery ticket as the ‘perfect’ answer to all our problems?
Could it be possible that we have given up on the real value of life?
Could it be possible that we crave the perfect life on the outside because something is missing on the inside?
Could it be possible that we seek perfection to hide the agony and misery of what is really going on in our everyday life?
In other words, we are not deeply connected to the very essence of who we are and in that gap we are constantly wanting and needing more of what this world has to offer.
Could it be possible that we are not on earth to be perfect?
Could it be possible that we are here to be real?
Could it be possible that if we started to focus on the everyday Back to Basics stuff like sleeping, walking, cooking to truly take care of ourselves, we may begin to feel more connected and content inside?
Could it be possible that the Back to Basics way of Simple Living is teaching us what life really is about so we don’t lose the plot?
Could it be possible that if we let go of the images, pictures, ideals and beliefs that we hold about the Perfect Life, we can give ourselves permission to make real choices that support us with our true health and well-being?
Are we ready to stop paying attention to the world outside of us, which tells us there is a Perfect Life?
Are we ready to listen and take note that the world inside us is what really counts as our particles come from a much grander place than we may realise?
Could it be possible that we are on this earth to learn lessons about life so that we can evolve?
Just in case you have not noticed our world is in a mess and we are all doing what it takes to cope and exist to get through our days. Not once do we stop and ask the WHY questions.
Our world is far from perfect. Our confirmation of this comes from the rise in illness and disease, ill mental health, crime rates escalating and wars going on in every country.
We as the most intelligent species on earth are no-where on the perfect scale.
Is it time we changed our focus?
Would it be wise to look at our priority in life and be real and honest about how we are living and the choices we are making every day?
Would it be wise to build a foundation that is truly supporting us consistently to live a self-connecting life?
Could it be possible that if we let go of our agenda to have the Perfect Life, we may get to enjoy a real life that has meaning and purpose?
(1) Concise Oxford English Dictionary – Twelfth Edition. Oxford University Press. 2011
(2) Bingham, J. (2015, September 19). Nine out of Ten Teenage Girls Digitally Enhance Their Own Facebook Pictures, Claim. Retrieved December 9, 2016 from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/11875084/Nine-out-of-10-teenage-girls-digitally-enhance-their-own-Facebook-pictures-claim.html
(3) Cosslett, R.L. (2016, September 8). Thinner, Smoother, Better: In the Era of Retouching, That’s What Girls Have to Be. Retrieved December 9, 2016 from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/08/thinner-retouching-girls-image-manipulation-women
(4) Cohen, C. (2015, November 16). Imposter Syndrome: Why Do So Many Women Feel Like Frauds? Retrieved December 9, 2016 from
(5) Marsh, S., & Guardian Readers. (2016, October 14). The Pressure of Perfection: 5 Women Tell Their Stories. Retrieved December 8, 2016 from
Yes, the perfect life is just another distraction to avoid the responsibility of living a true life of our own. When I was in school I was listening to all the guidance people that I thought knew what they were talking about. I did this so I did not have to take responsibility for my own life. When I figured out that school was not the answer, I worked hard to be successful in the world, but I had no idea what success was. When I collapsed from exhaustion at 50 years old, I finally asked for some real truth.
I found Simple Living Global and it has supported me to understand that I was looking outside of myself for answers and with simple techniques helped me re- connect to myself.
Now I understand that the perfect life is my life and I have all I need to live it, inside of me. And there is amazing support available if you really want to take responsibility for your life.
Great point you make about school Ken and how we blindly listen and follow the guidance of others who we ‘think’ know more than us or are somehow equipped to advise us on whats best for us.
Your story about trying to be successful in the world could relate to many of us and how wrong we are if our body is showing us exhaustion.
So true what you say about the perfect life is to know and understand that everything we need is already inside of us. We just need to connect to that inner most place inside us and bingo things will change.
Yes there is ‘amazing support available’ if we start to take true RESPONSIBILITY for our life. We are both living proof of that fact.
I like your comment Ken Elmer, especially
‘I found Simple Living Global and it has supported me to understand that I was looking outside of myself for answers and with simple techniques helped me re-connect to myself’
What a blessing it is to have Simple Living Global here presenting very real and practical and simple ways to live that enable us to accept and appreciate who we are and what we have. When I started to accept myself it felt so freeing and I noticed that I spent less and could pay off my debts as I was not hankering after more or what I thought I had to have to be somebody. The more that we are able to connect to who we are on the inside, the more that we can accept ourselves and each other just as we are.
Who would guess that we could start paying off our debts by living in a way that is simple and practical which gives us the ability to accept and appreciate ‘who we are and what we have’ as you say Shevon.
The outside stuff tends to take less priority because how we feel on the inside becomes our new focus. This means we will value life differently and imagine more of us living in this way? The knock on effect is huge as it does support our true health and well being to live in this way that is not harming self, others or our environment. No perfection of course, just real living with a commitment and consistency that speaks volumes if we stick with it.
I never thought I had the “perfectionism” thing… but I did and do! I have recognized that I hold onto my “mistakes”, dwelling on what “could/should have been” instead of accepting what is or has happened, learning from it and going forward differently.
I also have discovered that I have loads of “pictures” (my ideas of ‘perfect’ or ‘should be”) which I hold up against real life and this always causes me to feel hurt.
I am learning to be more open, real and honest about myself, life and all that happens. I am learning to catch the pictures and see them for what they are; un-realistic ideals and beliefs which cause me to react and hurt myself.
I am learning that I can let go and enjoy what is unfolding without trying to control it or judge it for not coming out a certain way and this is a totally different way to live…
When I let go of living with perfectionism I am able to learn from and appreciate what is happening now.
When I choose to be open instead of “trying to live up to a picture” I am able to simply appreciate myself and people in my life more, I am able to live life as it truly is and this feels really truly good.
Thank you Simple Living Global for calling it how it is so we can get real and move on.
Yes Jo it is time we got real so we can truly move on.
You have added more to this blog by expanding on your own lived experience so thank you. Holding on to mistakes because of the perfect picture you hold in your mind is going to lead to more hurt and what an ugly way to live.
We give our kids endless opportunities and when they make mistakes we just say they are learning. Well why do we stop at our children?
What about us adults?
Are we not forever learning on this earth school?
Are we not here to learn and keep evolving?
It is high time we knocked out the images, ideals, beliefs and pictures that we have about anything and everything as this is what feeds us the nonsense about who we need to be and the goal post just keeps moving as it is never static. WHY?
Simple really, it is not the Truth so it will keep moving. Truth is solid and firm and not all over the place.
‘Are we not forever learning on this earth school?’ YES YES! Just learning every day. It’s amazing how dearly we hold on to our mistakes and the negative stuff, like a stick to quietly beat ourselves. So awesome to be reminded of the chances and patience we give to kids. What a gift to give ourselves the same.
Interesting what you say here JS about how we seem to hold on to our mistakes and the negative stuff. For some reason this is what dominates our thoughts and out goes appreciation or even bothering to stop and think it may just be a lesson in earth school as that was life is all about.
So WHY is it that we give patience and time to our kids to learn and keep learning when they make mistakes but there is no allowing or room for an ounce of time and patience towards ourself?
Sounds crazy and way off but it seems to be the ‘norm’. It is high time we gave a dose of the same wisdom and common sense so we can truly knock out this nonsense behaviour that harms us all.
At some point, we stop seeing ourselves as the glorious little child, but on some level, that little child is still right there inside as adults. I watched a toddler walking on her toes the other day, delicate and sweet, pottering around, and it reminded me that I was like that once. The thought actually did something to my body – it softened and opened up and I tuned into that delicateness in me too. Gorgeous really and certainly deserving of more appreciation.
Great comment RP sharing real life stuff. Yes we are fed images by the outside world and the media have they part to play but could it be because we are not taught from a young age to connect to who we truly are and then look outside and see what the world is saying?
Could it be possible that we each make up society so we cannot really point the finger or blame but have an understanding that if we know different or have a person or organisation reflecting another way, we can be inspired to change?
You are right there is something said if you have no kids, a top job or own your own property but who subscribes to this and why is what we should all be asking.
I have come to realise that we don’t usually KNOW the full story of how someone is childless, not earning big bucks in a top job or renting their home. There are reasons and they may be deep rooted and so its high time we accepted others for the choices they have made and are choosing to make. Our own individual responsibility is to get on with our own life in the knowing that it can inspire others if we are truly committed to life and live a life of consistency. On that note there will be blogs about commitment to life and consistency coming out next year.
RP what a post! ‘Society critiques you endlessly…’ – so true and we enjoin it by critiquing too, right? It’s exhausting just thinking about it like that: like an insidious form of abuse. Thank you for sharing, because it is a reminder we are all having the same experience and we don’t like it but there aren’t many presenting a different way. Really motivating to let go of this stuff, knowing others are working on it too. Like Neo taking the reality ‘red pill’ in the Matrix!
Correct JS – there simply are not many presenting a different way to live and be in this world. WHY?
Our world is geared up and offering us endless ways to ensure we do not live a simple BACK TO BASICS life and the media does its bit to fuel it further because we demand it and they supply it. There is no judgement or blame just saying it as it is.
Nothing out there is going to allow you to breathe your own breath and be the real you. Then we get scared and run for the hills, sit on the fence, keep up with what is going on and try and fit in and all because we don’t want to stand out.
Add perfect to all of that and you got a recipe that is going to keep moving the goal post and making sure you have anxiety and tension inside your body.
Maybe high time we changed our Recipe for Life. Blog out soon..
If we don’t ask questions then nothing will change and these blogs are asking.
…So, a huge appreciation to the author for calling out the truth by questioning what does not feel right and to all those, here and around the world, who care and dare to question and start honest & meaningful conversations.
If asking questions is the big first step to change…
then the question is ‘will we dig-deep and care enough to want change and ask real questions… or do we keep digging our heels in trying to make life work the way we have been…?’
Yes indeed RP – it would be exhausting for anyone to live up to something that is not real life, possible or achievable and yet we seem to hanker after stuff that is way off the mark for some reason.
Who really cares what job title we have or home ownership or whether we got the perfect family with 2 kids and a dog.
As the author of this blog, I have no home ownership to speak of, definitely no high flying job or income to match, not a homeowner because of my past choices and yet I have no exhaustion to speak of and this is confirmed by the vitality levels I have everyday.
It is possible to live a way that is not neglecting our precious body and making our focus and priority to connect our inner most so that the ‘outer’ stuff becomes secondary. This way of living requires no perfection so it is not draining and has nothing has a hold over you, if you get what I mean.
Many people look to the USA as a perfect place to live. I have lived there for 65 years and I am questioning that belief.
In the 1960s in the USA it was all about buying all the labor saving devices, so you did not have to work so hard. Then you could go on vacation and do lots of fun things, and have a perfect life. The problem was that in order to pay for all this, you had to work more. So you were working more and more to get this wonderful life but you were too exhausted to enjoy it. This is the mentality that has been driving the US economy ever since.
The momentum of this drive is massive. It has pushed the US into the world power that it is today.
But I question this concept that that the US is heading in the right direction. I believe our quality of life is going down. The national debt is increasing every year. Illness and disease are increasing. People are generally worse off in my opinion.
The US has accomplished many wonderful things, we have incredible resources to get things done. I believe it is time to change our priorities and to get together and to say no to all the things that are not working. We can not blame our government, we have created what we have by our individual choices, we can change things by making more responsibly choices in our own lives.
A grand comment indeed from you Ken as an elderly citizen of the United States of America. This perfect life called the american dream is what most seem to want but your comment is speaking volumes and presenting more for the reader to ponder on.
You talk about the momentum of drive that has been created by us and we cannot blame the government, media, manufacturers or retailers.
We could all agree that this ‘want more’ society we have created pushes us to work more in order to get more for the ‘perfect life’ we want.
So what about QUALITY – what is the quality of life and does your opinion actually make sense Ken? Reading the statistics on some of the blogs on this website would confirm that not only have we, as a world lost the plot but we live a generally poor quality of life that allows no space for true meaning and purpose.
To summarise – your last sentence is offering another way. How about we start taking RESPONSIBILITY and making choices that support our true health and well being without any need for a perfect life.
From experience trying to make things perfect is very exhausting, physically, mentally and when things do go out of the perfect picture boundaries – emotionally exhausting from the reaction of things not going the way I wanted them to be. Accepting my imperfections and imperfect moments however doesn’t drain me if I look at them as something to learn from.
It would be great Leigh if we did come to realise that trying to have this perfect image in our mind about this or that is simply exhausting as you say.
The reaction that comes from not achieving the goal or when things ‘go out of the perfect picture boundaries’ adds to the exhaustion.
Acceptance is key here but how on earth do we start walking on the road of acceptance in the knowing, that we are here to learn?
This website is presenting another way and there is much already to study and our commitment is to continue with weekly blogs so humanity is left in no doubt that we can all live without exhaustion in our body, which is draining our life force and perfect is not on the radar ever.
In expansion to what this blog has already presented – to the reader
How do we relate to people – how do we really hold people –
Fat, skinny, lazy, clever, dumb, boring, indian, chinese, french, full of potential…
What if our job is to get on with all humans, no matter what the outer stuff is telling us because we know that what we see is already perfect?
This means we would need a new set of eyes to wake up and realise that the person in front of us is fat, skinny, chinese… or whatever BECAUSE they need that shape, nationality etc., for their own evolution and for our evolution.
Is this making sense?
For further clarification – If we re-train our ability to receive what we see (the images), then could it be possible that the people are already magnificent, absolutely beautifull and perfect in the way they are?
Would others then feel that and back off from the diets, plastic surgery and all the plethora of things out there to fix us, because the truth is we are already ‘A OK’ and that means perfect?
Are we ready to understand that an adjustment is necessary and it has to come from us – each and everyone of us, if we are to turn the tides on a world that is fixated on being perfect, at whatever cost it comes with?
The word that sticks out is ACCEPTANCE. What if there is something about us that cannot ACCEPT who we truly are and so we are the ones choosing to play this perfect life game? Could it be possible that playing the perfect game keeps us entertained in our minds at the expense of our body that is showing us signs of dis-harmony within?
We are fed so many images RP, I agree and when we get really honest with ourselves what is true for us is often very different to the perfect picture. Let me share an example. Growing up and into my early thirties I had a strong desire to have children, it was a given in my mind, that I would meet the perfect man, go to university, be in a high flying job as a fashion buyer and be a Mum. Now at age 38 I have not ticked the boxes with any of these being single, without children, leaving university after my first year and not getting a degree and not working in a high flying job and to be honest I have no desire for any of them now and feel content with my life just as it is. The biggest picture smasher was in my choice to not have children and realising that I have choice and that I don’t have to. With that realisation I felt years of pressure and restriction just leave me and ever since I have been slowly building a relationship with myself, getting to understand and know who I am as a woman which is nothing like the picture perfect image of who I thought I had to be.
Thank you Shevon Simon for spelling it out here in detail about your age, your honest real life picture of what is happening and not ticking the boxes.
What sticks out is the bit about ‘biggest picture smasher’ being not having children. This would be a big one for many women as it comes with so many ideals and beliefs that add pressure and tension to our body.
How many of us can openly say that we are building a relationship with ourself and that is enough and we are not seeking anything more to make us feel complete and whole.
Getting to understand and develop a true relationship with our self takes time and space and that word RESPONSIBILITY has to be in there.
“Everybody wants to be the perfect person but that has broadened out to being smart as well as [attractive] and that’s added more pressure.
Not only do you have to look really nice and put on loads of make-up but you’ve also got to study.
Half the time we’re expected to be children and accept what our elders say, and then make these choices that are going to affect the rest of our lives.
We’re on the precipice and we don’t know where we stand.”
This quote was taken from the BBC website, said by an 18 year old female
This further confirms the enormous pressure that our young people are under to be a certain way, to fit a certain picture which really stops them from just being who they are. The more that we each accept ourselves as we are, the more freedom this gives others to do the same.
Great points you make here Shevon to have the looks, the brain and everything else to fit the perfect picture of what we think the world wants.
Also that we are expected to listen to the elders even when we are grown up adults and then wonder why we feel we don’t quite know where we stand.
The link is one of many teenagers feeling the pressures of social media which has changed the goal post for the word perfect.
Each of us has a RESPONSIBILITY to be who we truly are and we can start by simply being honest about what is not working in our life.
I remember a few years ago when Simple Living Global shared with me about the ‘take-two’. I hated that phrase so much! Because the strive to be perfect and get things done right without going back to it and moving on was so strong. But when we are imperfect saying ‘oops’ or ‘take-two’ it is a great reminder that we never leave anything behind and can repeat if necessary knowing what we know from the last time around. Nothing is ever final or left behind never to return.
Dear Simple Living Global, these blogs in themselves would make a great study book for each and every one of us – taking each topic e.g. perfection, or care, or more more more, or Karma and being curious about it, and using each topic and the questions in each blog as questions to reflect upon as we go about our daily lives.
This is making sense what you are saying here Jane Keep. Blogs like this one and others on this website would make a great study book and many businesses, individuals, government departments and our healthcare systems would benefit.
It would certainly bring in another dimension to that word RESPONSIBILITY.
Simple Living Global – you have hit the nail on the head here with this question (and so many more in this blog) “Could it be possible that our mind changes the goal so we never reach perfection?” I have experienced this, it is like chasing your own tail – you never reach it yet you go around and around in circles.
Great that you have answered this particular ‘could it be possible’ question Jane.
Chasing your tail and getting nowhere, other than adding a bit more frustration and stress every time the mind changes is not a natural way to live. In fact it feels very harmfull and it is high time we moved away from trying or attempting the perfect life stuff.
It alters our perception of ourself and everyone and everything in our world. It distorts the truth and plays havoc with our minds. What is the point and what on earth is the purpose as it certainly does not evolve us?
Perfectionism is insidious in that it is rarely if ever questioned as being a source of anything other than good. As this incredible expose shows, perfectionism is causing us enormous problems coping with life in a world where, ironically, we can never be perfect. It sets us up for a fail, yet most of us keep seeking it. It is so often revealed that those who appear to have a perfect life, are actually living in misery far more than we could ever guess if just judging by appearances.
Great point here Felicity when you say that Perfect sets us up to fail and yet most of us keep seeking it. WHY is this not making any sense?
We do not live with someone 24/7 and have no clue about their past choices or even current choices they are making on a day to day basis. We do not know how transparent they are living and yet we somehow see them as perfect and yearn for their perfect life.
If we stop and take a reality check and look at our life and it is far from our dream perfect life, it can make us feel depressed as the gap is so huge we feel overwhelmed.
But what if being real, taking stock and living a true life where we choose to connect to who we truly are and express from that everyday, things could change?
Its so true that even when we meet our criteria for a’ perfect life’ we soon find its not ‘perfect’ there is a lack of content, because we constantly seek other ways to find ‘perfection’, we invent more needs, we decide life cant just be what it is, we have to control it in some way and get more from it. I have often seen single women lament their single status and seek the right man, they find ‘the man’, yet lasting happiness eludes them even when he is ‘perfect’ and ticks all the boxes. I know PhD students who are convinced they will be so happy when the PhD is complete, yet invariably the happiness land they imagined is pushed aside in search of new goals, the thirst for fulfilment in unquenchable when we don’t know how to just be, and appreciate how awesome everything really is around us. We need to stop seeking for things to be different to what they are or imagine we will ever get off the treadmill of wanting endlessly more out of life, in the absence of a connection with ourselves first and foremost. This is the game changer, when we value how we are with ourselves first, and use this as our true guide to life, where we don’t ever need to be perfect, but we do need to be real, honest and prepared to admit not only that we don’t have all the answers, but don’t need to have all the answers either, just connect to ourselves and allow life to unfold for us.
What a top comment Felicity and this in itself is a game changer.
Your words are powerful and worth listing again for any reader to feel and know that change is possible and its not hard work. Just simply a choice.
What you say here in this list makes sense and is worth re-reading:
Invent more needs
Decide life can’t just be what it is
Ticking all the boxes yet happiness eludes them
Got the PhD then in search of new goals
Thirst for fulfilment is unquenchable
Just don’t know how to Be and Appreciate
On the treadmill wanting endlessly more out of life
In the absence of connection with ourselves first and foremost
Value how we are with ourselves first as true guide to Life
No need to be perfect
Need to be real and honest
Be prepared to admit we don’t have all the answers
Thank you Simple Living Global. Perfection takes a lot of striving, push and force to obtain something that is never reachable, it is draining, exhausting and supports lack of self worth and can lead to illness. Connection is a choice and I have found with commitment and consistency a foundation is built with which a growing inner steadiness is there, a joy in daily life and being me … mistakes and all. Such a shift from how it used to be where I did strive for perfection which came from the need to be in control, which came from fear and lack of trust … from my lack of connection . What if we put the focus on Connection that we put on perfection, what a different world this would be.
Great point you make here Ruth about Perfection ‘supports lack of self worth’ and this can make you ill. This makes sense.
That striving and pushing and forcing is un-natural and so it will be draining to our body and the mind is constantly going for that thing that is as you say ‘unreachable’.
It is high time we all let go of the need to have that word perfect in our life because in truth we are not designed to be perfect.
What is the point of going after something that is simply an illusion.
Or the perfect parents, partner etc. I’m realising that REAL is not PERFECT and the pictures of what good looks like are really harming. They impose ideals of how things should be and then when reality doesn’t measure up we get disappointed, frustrated etc. But the world doesn’t owe us, our parents don’t owe us, our partner doesn’t owe us and they certainly aren’t responsible for delivering the pictures of perfect inside our heads. The sooner we drop the pictures of how they should be, the sooner we can accept reality and go forward from there. I recently had an interaction with a family member and they reacted to the truth I was presenting. I was initially wobbly about it, feeling sad that they couldn’t see what I could see, but it passed quickly as I realised: (1) what I said needed to be said, holding back to not ‘rock the boat’ in that moment was not an option (2) it’s their choice how they respond, I am not lessened by their reaction. A small but big step as I pop these perfection bubbles that only exist in my head.
Real is most certainly nothing to do with that word Perfect.
You make a great point here JS about how the world, our parents or partners do not owe us anything and are not responsible for ‘delivering the pictures of perfect inside our heads’. It is high time we take responsibility to let go and knock out all the images, pictures and ideals and beliefs that we have inside our minds about this perfect stuff. It is a killer and as this blog is saying it keeps moving so we never ever get there.
These ‘perfection bubbles’ as you say only exist in our head and they cause us maximum stress, anxiety and all other kinds of emotions so why bother to entertain these nonsense thoughts.
“Could it be possible that we lose sense of reality when we try and be like another?” What a great question. It’s kind of ridiculous to think that everyone is comparing with everyone else; everyone trying to be like the other so then who is the REAL one, who is the ORIGINAL, who is TRUE? Err, noone if we are all copying something. We are all the same in many ways, but we are also gloriously different and if we can learn to see that and celebrate it then maybe we can stop trying so hard to fit in or fit a picture. It’s like that track ‘would the real Slim Shady please stand up’: time to stand up for REAL.
Are yes the perfect life – I fell into that trap for many years, I had this belief that everybody had the best life and I was missing out. Never happy always striving for more thinking the grass was always greener somewhere else when I hadn’t looked at my own grass. Looking for other jobs thinking it would be a better place to work when I had the perfect job, I could go on.
I was tired when I finally realised I wasn’t going to live at Buckingham Palace. Over time I started to appreciate what I already had at my own door step. These images of the perfect life is constantly fed to us with media, magazines, Hollywood / Bollywood portraying the glitzy lifestyles. It hits the news and the world is at shock when a celebrity couple split leaving a trail of a messy divorce wounding the children along the way and people still fall for the fantasies of that perfect life. No amount of money can buy that perfect life ask the celebrities and famous singers who relied on drugs to numb them from reality not around any more to tell their real life stories.
We have the perfect life, we are equiped with everything to give us what we need.
If we took care of ourselves more and appreciate what is already around us would we see life through a different looking glass?
Looking outside of ourselves for the perfect life is destined to be an endless quest. There is so much out there and it is constantly changing.
I am slowing down and feeling a sense of contentment, by feeling me, that I have been searching for all my life. By doing this I can enjoy the outside world more because I do not need anything from it. It is so simple, just be myself, and allow the outside world to be what it is.
What is it about us that goes for the miracle cream, lotion and potion that is going to change us overnight and make us perfect.
The big newspaper advertisement says it is going to give us the perfect eyes, teeth, skin or whatever it is we don’t like and bingo we are sorted.
But are we really as the same ad says it lasts all day long.
HELLO – that means one day. Then what?
Is this perfect this a joke and if it is who benefits?
Is it a game where we are chasing something that is not really achievable?
Are we ok buying these products that seem to get high volume of customers simply because of the claims they make?
Are these ‘one minute wonders’ here today and gone tomorrow a true way for us?
Are we hooked in because they all have special offers and buy now, pay later which suits our lifestyle?
Are we jumping on the quick fix bandwagon because it means we do not have to take any responsibility for the way we are living?
Are we happy just having something work for one day at whatever cost because that simply suits us?
Are we the customer demanding these miracle solutions like band aids to cover our bullet wounds when in truth we know deep down they cannot really deliver life long change which is what we want?
This image thing is huge and our young children are being affected and this is our future adults. Where are we going to end up?
Just in the national newspaper today we have an article about famous young royals and our celebrities wearing super high heels whilst pregnant and doctors saying this is not a sensible choice because of the risk of a fall.
The question is where is our responsibility and whether we are famous or not, what is it that we want the world to see about us?
The perfect picture is killing us literally as it robs us of a natural way of life and that word Acceptance is not on our radar.
Our kids need real role models who are not caught up in a certain way to be or look but are deeply connected and know who they are without the need or craving for recognition from others.
What is a ‘Perfect Life’?
There are many reasons for different people that constitute a perfect life, like, winning big on the lottery, having the perfect job, having the perfect family (wife, 2.4 children, house and a car), living on a tropical island, emigrating to another country, owning your own business and making millions, the list is endless.
Up until about 10 years ago, I thought that winning millions on the lottery would be my ‘perfect life’ and the money would solve all my issues. Yes, it would enable me to buy ‘stuff’ but with the money comes the wanting for that bigger, better house, car or gadget. And as it has been shown through history with people that have a lot of money, it sometimes brings more problems than if they didn’t have the money.
Whatever our ideal or picture of the ‘perfect life’, is it possible that, because it is just an ideal or picture, when we get our ‘perfect life’, we find that it is not enough any more and so we strive for another ‘perfect’ ideal or picture.
Is it possible that that the reason we are always striving for that ‘something better’ is because our ideals or pictures come from looking outside of ourselves which leads to a need to have other people recognize and acknowledge how ‘good’ we are.
What if we didn’t need that recognition?
What if we didn’t look outside of ourselves?
What if we started to ignore what society says is the ‘perfect life’?
What if we started to look in-wards and realise that we are enough as we are and that what we do as a job or how much wealth we have doesn’t matter?
What would our ‘Perfect Life’ look like then?
I am starting to realise there is no such thing as the perfect life and it is not something to strive for. If I’m honest, that’s exactly what I have been doing, but it’s a trick – the goal posts always move and, anyway, what’s it all for? In fact, all it has done is keep me from appreciating all there is to appreciate (and it’s a lot), as I’ve been so busy judging and measuring it against an imaginary picture or a bunch of expectations. And it has kept me from taking all there is to take from the lessons and imperfections, because I’ve been too busy beating myself up for making them. It sounds exhausting just typing that.
Slowly, slowly, there is more appreciation coming in. Slowly, slowly, I’m seeing what’s really important and realising it’s actually pretty simple.
I feel if we are looking for a perfect life, we are just setting ourselves up to fail. Is it possible that we can never reach perfection? If we did, what would we do then, there would be nothing to do, nowhere to go?
Striving for perfection is a great way to ignore our inner selves. I have done this to avoid feeling. Looking for answers out side of myself for all my hurts.
I am slowly letting go of all my expectations of what life should be. It is allowing me to surrender more to myself and allow in all the support that has been around me all the time.
I was just reading this double page news story about women who spend a lot on beauty face products. Ranging from £2700 to £6500 on this, that and the other for their face.
I had no idea that there are lotions and creams on the market that can cost over £500 each.
The interesting thing is I did not go WOW when I saw their pictures but did question how this stuff makes it to a double page news story when we have such atrocities in the world that do need to make it to headlines, so the public are more aware and informed about the truth of what is going on.
Why do the media use press coverage on this? Is it because this is what we the readers want?
Think about these suppliers, what is the mark up and how much do they all make in the chain and are they exploiting those who think they need to spend big bucks to keep those fine lines and wrinkles away?
I look amazing for my age and feel 20 years younger and it is not expensive face products to look perfect, but a daily routine that includes cleanse and moisturise but going to bed early for a decade has probably got a lot to do with it and cutting out the nonsense like alcohol, dairy, gluten and sugar which is a drug, if only we were told this when we were kids.
This trying to be perfect or doing anything to keep this image in our mind going, is an utter waste of time because the goal post is always moving. If we think about it we only do it to get a response from the world outside of us. Inside of us our body is probably saying “get to bed, that’s what I want, not another helping of that posh cream”.
Reading this news article from the mail newspaper on 18 March it is saying that amateur beauticians with no medical training are offering to inject schoolgirls with dangerous lip fillers at a cheap cost of £59.
So social media is where they have a captive audience and ‘insecure young women are being targeted’.
The growing cosmetics industry is now estimated to be worth £3.6 billion.
Bit like the old Tupperware parties, there are lip filler parties so all together a whole group in one house.
There are people administering this treatment with no medical background. So basically this grossly unethical market is getting away with it.
Sir Bruce Keogh, NHS medical director said in an official review that this industry was ‘almost entirely unregulated’.
We could all throw our arms in the air and say it is shocking OR we could ask who are we blaming and WHY?
Has this undercover world of cosmetic surgery been going on a long time but we have only just woken up to that fact because the media has made it hot news?
Is there a supply of dodgy people ready to make a quick buck because there are vulnerable, easy to target audiences, who live their lives through social media?
What if there was no demand, so the suppliers would not be in this unethical business long-term?
What if we are the ones wanting and wanting and so they supply and supply?
What if each individual is Responsible for feeding this game of greed or saying No?
What if we each have our part to play in WHY this underhand stuff is going on in modern society?
What if we need to look at WHY our school girls need this ‘perfect’ look and what is driving them?
What if there needs to be a sense of true Responsibility and Accountability?
What if we asked parents how well are they policing their children on social media?
What if we asked parents to really talk to their kids about what they are actually up to?
What if we asked parents to find out daily what on earth is going on for them?
What if we asked parents to question WHY they need to change the way they naturally look?
What if we asked parents do they know what their teenagers are spending their money on?
What if we asked parents what are their children really up to behind their backs?
What if we asked parents to take Responsibility for their part in this?
What if we asked parents to take the law into their own home and start taking action?
What if we asked parents to consider questions like these so change can occur in time?
Common sense has told us over and over again that something is not right if any of us, any age is needing something to fix them or change or alter their natural state.
If we just stop here and ask WHY, then maybe there is a chance one day for the tides to turn and bring an end to this way of living and it stops the Blame cycle. https://simplelivingglobal.com/why-do-we-blame/
‘What if we are the ones wanting and wanting and so they supply and supply?’ great question, I like how you bring the responsibility back to all of us with this question. We can complain and blame yet what is our part in it?
What is our responsibility in the demand for these procedures?
What is missing in our lives that make us feel the need to artificially change ourselves in this way?
When I was younger, I strongly wanted to have my nose done and my ears pinned back, I never did but later on life as I built a loving relationship with myself, I realised that my ears and my nose fitted my face in the correct proportions. Accepting myself was huge in how I was seeing my face and features, of which I now appreciate and wouldn’t want to change any of it.
News story yesterday – 31 July 2017 in Medical Daily
Trying to be Perfect may lead to Suicide Ideation, Poor Mental Health
The study published in the Journal of Personality by researchers from the University of Ontario, Canada suggest perfectionism could kill – it could lead to suicide ideation.
They analysed numerous studies on perfectionist tendencies and elevated suicide risk. To measure perfectionism, the following were the main ways:
Placing excessive expectations on oneself
Feeling the pressure from others (including parents or society at large)
Holding other people to perfectionistic standards
The one that was more linked to suicide attempts was where Perfectionism was linked to concerns about meeting others’ expectations.
They added “Consequently, the typical perfectionist is locked in an endless loop of self-defeating over-striving in which each new task is another opportunity for harsh self-rebuke, disappointment and failure.”
Despite the wealth of data on perfectionism and suicide ideation, researchers believe there needs to be more research with diverse groups.
Can we just stop, re-read this blog again and this comment then join the dots?
Even if we had one person doing this, that is a clear indication of the microcosm. The fact wE have numerous studies, confirms this fact over and over again.
WHY on earth do we need anymore research when we all have common sense?
WHY don’t we put it to good use here and say that something is clearly wrong when it comes to our mind wanting this perfect life and the goal post keeps moving and the thoughts keep getting more extreme?
We can keep coming out with more and more studies telling us the same thing but none of it is presenting another way or offering us the root cause.
Is it high time we all started asking questions and demanding answers and making this news headlines until we get to the root cause?
If not we remain in the solution-based way, relying on our scientific research studies and negating all else there is to take into account as to WHY someone wants to be perfect in the first place.
The UK Home Office’s Crime Survey shows that steroid use has quadrupled in a year, with the biggest increase in use being in the 16-24 year old age group – 19,000 young people now use steroids.
The reason given for these statistics is the increasing ‘sensitivity and vigilance’ in young people about how they look – young men are wanting the muscly bodies they see as the ideal.
How serious must it be for them to feel that sourcing and taking illegal drugs is the answer?
What pictures do our youth have in their heads about how they should look?
What are we all buying into that propagates those images?
I was talking to a beauty journalist who concluded she needed to go on a ‘magazine diet’.
By this she meant she needed to look at magazines much less. She said she had noticed that within the first few pages of reading, her sense of self worth dropped and she became critical of herself – her body, her face, her skin, her clothes.
It as if magazines had become like self harm to her and she needed to remove herself from that – standards of perfection she couldn’t reach, instructions on how to live and what to buy, a sense of never being good enough.
There is such supply and demand for magazines – what are we all buying in to?
I was talking to a woman yesterday who has ‘never been below a size 12’ and she was sharing how hard it is for her to feel good in her body when society holds such strong pictures of what perfect looks like.
She feels healthy. She feels strong.
I wonder what would happen to our pictures of perfect if we prioritised vitality over dress size…
International Business Times – 7 September 2017
Perfectionists are at much greater risk of suicide than those who just do their best.
This is the news headlines on an International News website, so what is this telling us about being Perfect?
The article says that “more than 50 years of research has found a systematic link between perfectionism and suicide”.
Can we just stop at this sentence. Over 50 years of research.
WHY are we not just funding research now into finding out the root cause and not stopping until we do?
WHY do we need a single more study about a correlation that has been proven and tested and tested, for over half a century, giving us the same answer?
It would be true to say there is a link with perfectionism and suicide.
So what is next and what on earth are we going to do about it, knowing we have all this intelligence?
Could we go straight to anecdotal evidence and cut to the chase?
Could we find those who attempted suicide and find out why?
Could we carry out research with those who have eating disorders and see what they have to say?
Can we begin to value what another person says and not fit them in a box to suit our study?
Can we have more independent, transparent research so it’s in the public’s interest?
Could we find out more from the family and friends of those who did commit suicide?
Could we join the dots and use our common sense hat, to get some real answers?
Could we then save time and money and get to the root cause of this devastating problem?
Could we then take seriously blogs like this, which may just be presenting another way?
Could we then consider websites like this which are in for the long haul, giving us some real answers, if we are open to another way?
Martin Smith, University of Western Ontario – the author of a new review of research on perfectionism and suicide says “Perfectionism places people at increased risk of depression over time. It is linked to eating disorders, including binge eating. We have a new paper coming out showing a link with anxiety. Perfectionist concern is shown to be associated with procrastinating”.
There is more but after reading this blog and comment – are we any wiser?
What if we made a choice to read the Suicide blog on this website?
What if we made a further choice to read the Eating Disorders blog?
What if we then read the blog on this website about Depression?
What if we read the blog on this website about Mental Health?
What if we read the blog called Commitment to Life and see what it has to say?
Can we join the dots and see where all this perfection stuff comes from in the first place?
Can we make a start by being honest and admitting something is not right?
Can we all do our bit and at least start talking, at every given opportunity?
Can we make this part of our daily conversations at any social chit chats?
Can we use social media to get this stuff out there, so we can make a difference?
Are we ready to educate our world that life does not have to be this way?
Are we ready to help those who need our support, by simply expressing what we feel and not choosing to hold back?
Last weekend’s newspaper, the freebie addition had headlines about the perfect diet so you can get into that party dress in time for Christmas. What was interesting is the word PERFECT in big bold front page colour gloss.
What does that do for the majority?
How is something like this even possible or attainable?
I reckon we have seriously lost the plot and the media are not helping us.
We seem to demand this perfection and want the quick fix solution all the time.
I know this as once upon a time, I was one of them and it just left me disillusioned, empty and seeking the next fix to give me the picture in my head that kept changing. I was simply going around and around in circles and going nowhere.
Things changed when I stopped spinning and started to take responsibility for the choices I was making every day in my life. Instead of seeking perfection, which was something outside of me, I looked inside me to ask myself honestly what was it I really wanted and why?
Asking questions helps and being honest is a great starting point.
Then I addressed the exhaustion of living a life that was never about me but what others would think and say about me. Once that was knocked out, I could focus on qualities that I know I have that may be of some use to this world.
Bingo, here I am today having published over 100 blogs on the world wide web, learning how to use Twitter as a platform to bring more awareness and nothing else, studying my 11th diploma at age 55 and writing a course for a college. There is more but this shows what is possible if we stop trying to be perfect and just get real.
Perfect in any form simply does not work and I am living proof. Been it, done it and I see no point now.
Daily Mail – 9 December 2017-12-12
Should anti-ageing creams be renamed?
The title of this story is up for debate as campaigners want to remove pressure on women to look younger and suggested beauty products for older women could instead be marketed for “mature skin”.
The article goes on to say that we have to constantly change and manage our appearance to be younger than we actually are and there is so much pressure on women to do that, much more than men.
Hello – can we stop and look at the SUPPLY and DEMAND business here.
Could it be possible that we as women are Demanding to look younger?
Could it be possible that we are the ones in the first place putting pressure on?
Could it be possible that what we want is then supplied to us?
Could it be possible that our ageing process is accelerated by our irresponsible lifestyle choices, more now than ever before in history?
Could it be possible that the industry is about making money – that’s the bottom line and so they will keep giving us new cream, new serums, new this and that, with names we have never heard of to tell us we are going to look younger?
Could it be possible that part of us wants this youthful look as we spend so much time looking on the outside of us and making that our daily focus?
In other words, we are more concerned about what the world sees when it looks at us than we are about our own connection to who we truly are?
What if true beauty was all about our deepest inner most connection, that then allows us to be real in a world that is doing everything opposite?
What if we looked in the mirror and could simply see what we feel?
What if we could wake up and realise that what we eat has an effect on our looks?
What if we could be honest and admit that alcohol and drugs make us look old?
What if we could admit that smoking is not helping us to stay youthfull?
What if our way of living every single day can and will make a difference to how we look?
What if the author of this blog and this comment is a living example of not a perfect life but a real life at aged 55, which comes with a huge dose of Responsibility and the benefits are looking younger without any special creams?
What if there was another way to live, that is not about a topical cream as a solution for ageing, but actually living in a way that guarantees a natural change that is more than acceptable to us?
I saw a Metro newspaper article earlier this year on Botox (30th March 2017). It was celebrating Botox’s 15th anniversary. I was surprised to see that it was 15 years as I remember when Botox first came out. Doing the maths I would have been 24 years old. I remember thinking at the time “this is never something that I will do”.
However even though I am uninterested in having Botox, I still like to stay tuned in to what is happening in the world and so the fact that Botox was 15 years old intrigued me.
I started quietly asking questions like – WHY is Botox so popular and how come it has lasted this long?
Conducting some online research, Botox was actually discovered in 1987 by a couple who were doctors. Today Botox is a billion dollar industry.
The discovery is heralded as an accident as one of the doctors was treating the uncontrollable blinking and spasm of a patient’s eye and surrounding area with botulinum toxin. It was the patient who shared with the doctor that when the doctor injected the area with the substance, they noticed their wrinkles went away. The patient asked for her forehead to be treated too!
By 1993, Botox had swept the world with it’s wrinkle reducing ability. However there is a danger to it as Botox has been described as a powerful poison. In the newspaper article that I read the writer describes it as ‘one of the world’s most lethal neurotoxins’. We already know that toxin is in it’s full name ‘botulinum toxin’ so the fact that it is a toxin is not hidden.
The Metro newspaper article also says that ‘The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons says Botox is the world’s number one cosmetic treatment and demand has increased by more than 700%’
So the real questions arise –
Why is there such a demand for Botox treatments?
Why is there such a demand to get rid of wrinkles, to stay looking young, to live up to and become a certain measure of what is seen as beautiful, even if it involves putting toxins into our bodies?
What is it we are really trying to hide, iron out or even erase by getting rid of any wrinkles?
Could the wrinkles be communicating something to us that we really do not want to face up to?
This is a great comment Shevon and thank you for adding a bit more here about botox, as your research has expanded this blog.
I was doing a bit of observation on the train journeys this week and I am noticing the raised look is almost permanent causing these wavy lines across the forehead. When the person is engaged in their screen, it seems the lines are really embedded and deep. When they sort of relax and are not so intense with whatever their mind is thinking, the lines remain.
When I see someone who has had the lines injected with the botox filler, it seems like they have a frozen flawless skin that is void of expression, if you know what I mean.
Something is not right, even though it is supposed to look perfect to the eye which some may say it does.
My question is, how are we choosing to live with our minds that gives us all these facial lines?
Next question – what is it about us that has these facial expressions that become such a habit that eventually we end up with all these lines?
All I know is I do not have them and I am hardly a spring chicken.
An old bird, almost aged 56 and obviously doing something that is working, because those lines are not across the forehead and there is no desire to get anything fixed on the face or body to get perfect.
Long gone are those days of distraction and fantasy illusion of a perfect life.
In are the glory days of real commitment and connection to purpose in life that erases the need for anything that is perfect.
Daily Mail – 6 January 2018
Dr Max Pemberton – NHS Psychiatrist saying that boys feel body image pain as much as girls.
“A BBC investigation this week has shone a light on the dark, dangerous world of anabolic steroid abuse, revealing that more men are using these hormones to achieve a muscular physique.
Dealers are selling these illegal substances on social media platforms to boys as young as 14. There is incredible pressure about their appearance and they are bombarded with images of chiselled torsos and developing warped ideas about what real bodies look like, says Dr. Max.
So here we have an image, an expectation, a picture in the minds of teenagers and young men trying to be something that is far from real.
Bottom line is we have this thing about wanting a perfect body but forget we are human.
We are not designed on a computer image and cannot be airbrushed in truth, so we are chasing something that will end in harm to our precious body?
We need to consider the supply and demand thing here, as with everything.
Suppliers would be out of business if we stopped asking for the steroids but whilst we demand it, there will always be a dodgy supplier who has no care for another human and will supply. Instead of blaming the suppliers and finding solutions to stamp them out, would it be a wise move to educate our youth with the vast volume of content on this website, so that they can then make informed choices?
This website is all about taking Responsibility and living a self connecting life, which holds meaning and purpose. Once we have these ingredients in daily life, it knocks out the need to be perfect or even want the perfect body.
Harvard Business News –
Perfectionism is increasing.
According to the World Health Organization, a record number of young people worldwide are suffering from serious depression or anxiety disorders.
This news story then goes on to say in some sections of society, there is a tendency to dismiss this trend as the product of an over-indulged, over-entitled and over-sensitive “snowflake generation”.
There is growing evidence that the increase in psychological ill heath of young people may stem from the excessive standards that they hold for themselves and the harsh self-punishment they routinely engage in.
It is well known that increasingly young people hold irrational ideals for themselves with unrealistic expectations for academic and professional achievement, how they should look and what they should own. They seek perfectionism.
As this blog clearly states, perfection is an impossible goal and getting pre-occupied with it means we set ourselves up for failure and psychological turmoil.
The obsession for seeking recognition by winning the validation of others and demonstrating their worth through flawless performance becomes their focus.
Data used from 41,641 college students in Canada, UK and USA between 1989 and 2016.
Findings confirmed perfectionism increased by statistically significant amounts.
The most concerning trend documented in the analysis is that of socially prescribed perfectionism.
It increased at twice the rate of self-oriented and other oriented perfectionism.
It is this form of perfectionism that shows the largest association with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, social phobia and suicidal thoughts.
Epidemic levels of serious mental illness in young people is something we need to address now if we are ever going to turn the tides.
How has society got to the point where there is a huge emphasis on social comparison?
Going back to the first line of this comment – perfectionism is increasing.
This means it is not going away, we are no where near getting on the front foot and we are well off the mark when it comes to living a natural way that does not require us to look outside of ourselves and compare with another.
Imagine raising children to know they are enough in the knowing they are perfectly imperfect.
iPaper – 13 February 2018
Expensive supplements containing green tea, collagen or pomegranate extract, which claim to provide younger firmer skin could be a waste of money according to Scientists at the British Nutrition Foundation.
They found a balanced diet, sunscreen and not smoking were more likely to protect skin.
Do we really need scientists and research studies to tell us what we deep down already know?
We know there is not one single thing that is the magic cure to sort us out in any area.
We know that there is more and we need to look at everything as a whole and not focus on just one thing.
We know that our bad habits and our wayward lifestyle choices contribute to the way we look.
We know that when we look in the mirror all we see is how we feel in that moment.
We know we are being fooled by all this advertising and making claims but yet we get swept into it to fix us up and give us results because we simply do not want to commit, put effort into consistently making sensible choices everyday and knocking out those images and mental pictures in our head for the perfect skin, body and everything else.
It is high time we stopped giving our power away to all this marketing and empowered ourselves by making small steps every day to change inside what we know is not working.
Having lived this way for over a decade, I can honestly say perfect is not on my radar but being real and human and making mistakes and learning are all part of life now and far more rewarding with JOY everyday, no matter what the weather or what life brings.
iPaper 13 February 2018
Scientists at the British Nutrition Foundation found expensive supplements containing green tea, pomegranate extract, fish oil and collagen which claim to provide firmer skin could be a waste of money.
The global beauty supplements market is expected to reach £5.1 billion by 2023.
So what is going on?
Are we being fooled?
Can we really point the finger and blame?
OR are we the ones who demand and the industry then supply?
Most of us want to live our lives the way we want. Our lifestyle choices may not support our body and our skin to look great but hey ho we want what we want. Some of us can afford high end products that claim this and that and we go for it, with the image in our mind that it is going to erase the lifestyle choices that gave us the wrinkly skin.
But is this just a solution to our wayward living or are we waiting for research to confirm what deep down we already know?
Do we like the thought of these fancy jars and fancy names claiming how it is going to make us look young and give us that youthful skin, when we all know there is more to address?
Taking care of our skin is super important, but are there others factors to consider like drinking plenty of plain water, walking daily and mastering our sleep, so we have a quality of sleep that supports our immune system, so we get a boost from the inside of our body emanating outwardly and not a topical thing to fix us?
We moved our children out of a private school to a state school last year.
What was interesting was how many of the parents we know from the private school then shared how much they were struggling. Struggling to pay the fees. Wondering how they would manage as the fees get more and more as their child/children progresses through the school.
Until we shared what we were doing and why we were doing it, no one talked about the financial strain and the toll it was taking. The picture was of a perfect and monied life at every turn.
Except it was not.
The struggle to ‘give them the best start in life’ was a massive drain, financially and emotionally for many.
We said ‘no more’ and it was the best decision we have made. The new school is real life and we can start to take care of our finances. This creates an feeling of space where previously there had been struggle.
And all for what? To keep rowing towards an unattainable picture of what good looks like?
Seeing the truth coming out was like royally popping one of those perfect life pictures in our heads. Let’s see what the next one might be.
Just reading in the Metro Newspaper today about a famous pop celebrity who I did not recognise because of the make up, beard and a full body of tattoos up to the chin.
With millions of fans this is one young 23 year old pop star who “copes with anxieties and stage fright”.
For the average jo this just makes no sense. We think he has the fame and wealth to go with it and a famous girlfriend so surely that is everything for a perfect life but in Truth it is far from perfect.
Imagine living with constant anxiety and knowing there is a fear when performing and that is your career, your life, your job description.
I also wonder how someone so young is really feeling if they have a whole body covered in tattoos and most of us know it is super painful having needles poked onto our skin.
These famous artists have followers who want to be like their idol and they do what it takes to be like them.
What is the quality here and what are we feeding?
In other words, is this a true way of living and are these role models really perfect like we want to believe?
Fame comes at a price and we all know that.
We can choose to be fooled or we can wake up and get a reality check that the majority of our famous people have problems and we all know about those who seem to have the perfect life and then suicide.
Without asking questions, we will never evolve or bring about change.
I for one as an elder in my community am learning how to understand people and not cast judgement. With understanding, I know that we have a choice in every moment to heal or to harm ourself and our world.
Wanting, desiring or demanding a perfect life is harmful as this blog presents.
It is a goal that keeps moving in our mind so we never get the perfect life.
Listening to declarations of love at weddings is an interesting thing.
There is a huge amount of idealism.
Expressions of the perfect emotional love. Descriptions of a fairy tale life with fairy tale behaviour. Picture perfect.
I am wondering about the impact it has, feeling the gap between this idealism and reality.
And what if we instead started from a place of simple truth? From a commitment to start where we are and evolve together each day.
Would we need the ideals of the perfect wedding and the perfect marriage if we put evolution first?
You beat me to it JS.
I was about to put a comment on about the perfect wedding thing.
I recently was sent lots of perfect looking photos and short videos of a picture perfect wedding. Fairytale dress and the tails on the mens’ suits.
This was the official legal registry office and the big shabang is a 4 day event, on a perfect summer weekend next month.
I recall a brief conversation with this young bride last year who said that she wants “the whole fairytale” and of course daddy has money and mr fiance does too as that is part of the fairytale.
What was interesting for me is looking at the photos and seeing it for what it really is and my question is – do we lose ourselves with the picture in our mind and forget about what really matters?
As you say about the gap – when does the reality kick in?
Talking from lived experience, I lost the plot and we sold our properties, had lots of money in the bank and went nuts and spent it on a country ideal perfect wedding.
The cost was huge and what most would call a house deposit.
So what did floating candles, designer wedding cake and 4 different types of top class cuisine do really, not to mention a rock band who were really awefull.
Just for the record – we speak to a few family members of the 100+ guests who we invited and that is the truth.
Back to the actual marriage – we had 2
The official one at a palace with just two witnesses, followed by 5 star champagne lunch.
WHY – I wanted something unusual and my partner let me do what I want.
The big fat wedding – we made up our own vows because we could.
What is the point of saying stuff in front of guests, which is not followed up?
Not once was I honest enough to admit that the whole thing felt like a plot sent to take me off track with what my real purpose on earth is about.
We were simply comfortable with each other and had this love – so we thought but we never really at that time even knew how to love ourself.
In my books, how can we possibly love another until we give that to us first.
So where are we today in our post perfect wedding arrangement.
I call it that because that is what it actually is and we have both recently had a wake up call. An electric shock to the heart where the deep level of dis-honesty is coming up to deal with, but not to judge and be critical but to have an understanding why we have got to this point and where do we go from here.
What I know now is that I had been holding on to a perfect picture about marriage and how comfortable I was as I got the man and I was set for life and that part of life needed no work – how wrong I was.
This nonsense in my head and strongly held ideals and beliefs actually capped my evolution, if you ask me.
What is it about us that we happily ignore the signs, put up with whatever, accept things and never challenge in a relationship like a marriage but simply bop along with our differences and at some level, tolerate the bits we don’t like?
What would life be like if, as you say JS, if we simply put the focus on evolution and not the ideals we carry in our mind?
I for one plan to question everything in my relationships and leave no stone unturned.
This is not about perfect for me – it is about evolution because without it I see no point. In other words, no purpose.
Talking to a fellow parent at my kids’ school. She had been to visit a private school in the area. She said it ‘weirded her out’.
She said she felt tearful from the moment she walked in and ended up with tears quietly falling during the presentations.
She was struggling to process why, but she knew she needed to listen to those feelings. We talked about it.
She said the place was set up like a 5 star hotel. Everything was pristine. They were serving amuse bouche. Everyone with their best clothes and smiles. An accomplished child playing the cello.
She said as she looked around, it seemed she was the only one thinking this was way too much and artificial. The other parents seemed to be lapping it up. She said she couldn’t see anyone ‘normal’; no one she felt drawn to talk to.
And the adulation for the high achieving children they were showcasing was off the chart. She said those kids will surely end up messed up if they are treated that way.
And what about their fellow students who aren’t ‘achieving’ in the same way? What affect does it have on them being measured against it?
She said she felt conflicted. She wants what’s best for her kids and she wonders what that is. She went to a private school herself and said it was full of normal people just getting on with it. It is like the division has become more extreme.
When my kids were in a private school, I used to have tears when they were doing the school play. Not tears of joy or pride, but a strange sadness. It felt that the school was doing it all for the parents and to showcase what they could get the kids to do – it didn’t feel like it was about the kids at all.
That and many other things never sat right with me and the choice to move our kids to a state school was absolutely the right one for us. As parents, we feel settled and it feels that our boys get more space to be themselves and explore their interests and strengths, not having to aspire to some lofty picture of academic, musical or sporting success. And they are with a cross section of interesting people from all walks of life – whoever happens to be in the local catchment area.
It was interesting talking to this lady and watching her respond to and process the truth of her body. Being able to support her to see she was not mad and did not have to override her feelings. That other people are choosing real over perfect and enjoying that, too.
Increasingly in the news there have been stories from celebrities, exposing their not so perfect life, as they share of the turmoil of either mental health problems, drug addictions or difficulties in relationships.
When we look at how human life is designed, the ultimate catch appears to be to have it all – money, fame and as they say fortune – but at what cost?
Have we stopped to really look at this and question, what exactly is it that we are striving for when we go after the fame and fortune?
What is it that we are getting apart from the recognition and attention from others and in truth is it worth it?
We have a generation of children growing up today in front of screens and their role models are often the celebrities that they see.
Whilst our children strive to have the lifestyle portrayed, what is happening to them in the process?
What if when we try to be like another and have their life, we get all of what they live and not just the ‘good’ parts that we see?
What if fame and fortune come at a price and what if it may not be the perfect life that we think it is?
As a daily researcher on the news stuff, I agree with you Shevon that there is more news reported about our celebrities who are really not doing great in life – polar opposite to what most would call perfect.
As I read your comment, I recalled a time in a posh London High Street where I saw a super famous member of a girl band back then.
My first response was “Oh, they look nothing like they do on TV”.
It got me thinking how we have this false image in our head about those we idolise or imagine have perfect lives, but this is so not true. This person was not looking great and their face was full of spots and I took note, as at the time I suffered badly with adult acne.
We seem to have become a culture of seeking something with this perfect lifestyle and we have our list of what that entails.
Could it be possible that it removes us from our innate essence – the very quality of our being which resides inside us and is actually perfect in every way?
What makes us move away from the divine perfection that we are when we are born ?
Let us be honest we never see a new born as anything but perfect.
What choices do we make along the way that alters our perception and wants something to feel perfect, when in reality it is not possible because we already are?
Have we lost the plot, got things completely the wrong way around or upside down?
Maybe this blog and comment just sounds like twaddle to some of us, but what if there is some wisdom being presented that does make sense?
What if we all got real and checked in with the non-celebs, like the author of this blog, who lives an amazing life with no perfection on the radar and it works – consistently?
On the street journalism – listening and seeing what is going on in our town and reporting in…
Has anyone noticed how busy and popular these botox clinics have become and some are referring the frenzy of customers in and out in minutes, to the movements of a ‘cattle market’.
WHY is something not feeling right about these quick fix solutions to look perfect?
One thing for sure – it is ALL about looking Perfect.
For the readers who do not know – a quick internet search tells us –
Botox is a drug injected into the face and used to remove wrinkles and lines by temporarily paralyzing the facial muscles. It lasts 3 – 6 months.
So whilst this is not a drug we ingest – does it have a drug like effect?
In other words, does it get us hooked and we keep going back for more as what we see in the mirror is not perfect and as the blog states, we keep moving the goal post?
Filler adds volume to the skin by using tiny injections where there are facial folds and wrinkles in areas around the mouth and eyes.
We all know how super sensitive and delicate the area around the eyes are, so imagine a sharp tiny needle injecting multiple times in that area.
How would the connective tissue surrounding our heart feel in that moment, knowing on some deep level that there is about to be an invasion – an imposition?
Can we be really honest and say it has no effect on our delicate heart in anyway?
Have we ever bothered to study this or would it not be what we want to hear or know?
What drives us and makes us go for this type of stuff?
Is it because we keep looking outside of ourselves and keep comparing what others look like?
Has the world of celebrity, social media, internet and glossy magazines given us images non-stop that feed our mind and confirm that we are not perfect and therefore let’s take action?
What if a part of who we are is the lines and the wrinkles?
What if a freeze face is obvious and does not look natural?
What if we are doing all of this on the outside because inside we don’t feel connected?
What if looking in the mirror is not giving us a consistent picture and so more of this is needed?
What if the person administering the injections is not living a steady life and we can see that, but we choose to ignore it and override what we know because we just want our face fixed?
What if the person about to needle us is very highly tense and stressed as they have a waiting room full of clients and no lunch break as people just keep walking in?
What if the clinic is not designed or set up in a professional way with the highest code of conduct, because no one is bothering to police the whole thing, so they can get away with it?
What is being presented here is – have we considered the whole thing and why we subscribe to this AND have we even given it a thought that the person doing the actual treatment leaves an imprint inside us when they inject a substance and it holds the quality of how they are living?
This may seem way too much but is this the level of Responsibility we all need to get to, before we agree to any treatment that is going to be administered to our face or body?
Is this the standard we need to get to one day?
Metro News – 19 February 2019
Reading the newspaper on the train yesterday, there is a perfect looking image of a film star dazzling on the red carpet for the film premiere.
There seems to be some real honesty shared, as the celebrity talks about struggling with being a mother – she has a young child. Also admitting that sleep deprivation, hormonal changes and shift in relationship with partner and confirming she is “failing on a daily basis”.
If we just stop here and pause.
Beautiful looking young star with millions of social media fans and followers.
Perfect in so many ways but is this what we choose to focus on?
In other words, do we get carried away with the looks, the perfect body, the fame, the money and the so called ‘ideal life’ with partner and child OR do we look at everything?
This superstar is telling us SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT.
What happens to our body physiologically if we have a mind set on telling us we are failing every single day?
What affect will sleep deprivation have over the long term, if life in the spot light continues?
What happens when there is a shift in the marital relationship and what affect does that have on their mental health and well being?
Many of us look up to these stars and expect them to be perfect in every way – so how does it feel when we read the ugly side, like this honest woman is sharing?
Do we skip that bit when we read or just ignore it and keep the perfect image of what we want to see in our minds?
If we read this blog, what is clear and obvious is that we are simply not perfect in every way and to even consider or aim for that ideal which is in our head, just fools us and keeps us in the very illusion we are trying to escape.
Let me expand using me as the real life example.
As a teenager, I used to cut out beautiful women in adverts in glossy magazines and that included celebrity superstars back in those days. I covered my whole wardrobe by placing all these images and this was my fantasy world.
What it done was confirm to me I had to work hard and make radical changes as nothing I had was close to perfect. I hated the way I looked, what I had become, my size, my height, my shape, my hair, my clothes, my feet, my name and the list just goes on. I was age 13 and this went on for years thereafter and left an imprint of zero self worth.
Well roll on today age 57. I feel absolutely enough and perfect is not even on my radar.
I love the way I look and feel and how I wing it with my make up when I do choose to wear it.
I have no issue with whether my hair is perfect or not as again I feel super confident in the knowing it will be amazing because I feel amazing inside.
I realise that it has come with the commitment to life and consistency to ensure I take deep care of myself. No need for me to whinge about exhaustion as I have taken care of that with over 12 years of going to bed early when I can. This means that focus on my dark circles under my eyes is simply not there because I am no longer neglecting my body.
No surprise the weight nonsense is well and truly gone and I have slimmed down to almost half the size I was at my heaviest, with no gluten and no dairy. Nothing else and never seen a gym in my life.
There is more but what I can say to complete this comment is I no longer feel like I am ‘failing everyday’.
What I now feel everyday is a woman who is real, upfront, super honest and powerful – full of wisdom and struts her stuff and is fearless when it comes to expressing the truth, no matter what.
Reading about melanin injections it was an eye-opener to read the lengths we will go to in changing our natural looks.
Melanin is the pigment that gives human skin, hair and eyes their colour.
Melanin injections are used to get a tan, with some choosing them over sun beds due to concerns about skin cancer and ageing. They are not without their risks.
Short term side effects include facial swelling, nausea, flushing, vomiting and appetite loss.
The biggest worry with these injections is that stimulating melanin production and cells can also stimulate dangerous changes in the skin.
We are a world dissatisfied with what we have, if we just use the physical body
as an example.
We want to change the colour of our skin, the shape of our nose, get rid of the wrinkles, make our bottoms, breasts and chests larger, make our hair longer and with this huge volume of people who are completely dissatisfied with the way that we look comes a huge market of products to meet that need.
Where will this end and have we personally been willing to look at where we feed this demand for more beauty enhancing products?
The truth is that none of these products are beauty enhancing and whilst we reach for the perfect look, we are missing the true beauty that each one of us has within. When a woman or a man is connected to who they truly are and they live this day in and day out, there is a radiance that they exuberance that no product can emulate.
Is it time for all of us to accept that everything that we could possibly need is within us?
What if we do not need to be perfect?
What if there is no perfect look?
What if none of this truly exists, but instead we are fed pictures of how we should be and we never question them?
Are we ready to accept that our true beauty lies within?
Are we ready to let go of the huge money making machine called the beauty industry, that we have created?
Walking past on our local streets, its that time of year where we have big ideas about our gardens. Today I noticed rolls of green grass looking like carpet rugs ready and waiting.
It got me thinking about how we have images in our heads that are pictures of what we want and the suppliers just keep on creating as the demand is there.
Who would have guessed that you can buy ready made grass and have a perfect lawn regardless of soil or weather conditions in your area.
Man has created anything and everything and that includes the perfect garden.
The thing that I seem to observe a lot is the neglect that follows.
I have moved house enough times to talk from lived experience about how our focus shifts once we get what we think we want. Maintenance was not on my radar and that meant get the gardener back in as the posh fancy plant pots and hanging baskets look aweful as they never got a watering from me or mr husband.
Back to Perfect as this is what the blog is about.
We have this thing that once we get it and then the next thing, somehow we will be happy as we are on the road to perfect but of course it never happens.
I am seeing more and more celebrities going under the knife with the pressures of trying to have the perfect face and body and it is not a sign of happy.
They have millions following them on social media and of course what they do influences others – the masses.
What are we doing on earth and when is this going to stop?
Do we need real role models who know that perfect is simply an illusion and will never ever work?
What will it take to turn the tides in our world, that was never designed to be perfect?
QUARTZ – 18 June 2019
Plastic Surgery clients are getting younger and doctors blame the rise in selfies on social media.
According to a report in the South China Morning Post the average age of clients is dropping for aesthetic plastic surgery procedures.
22 million Chinese underwent cosmetic procedures in 2018, nearly 12 million patients were under age 28.
Selfie-led social media culture is driving the rise of aesthetic surgery among young people.
A plastic surgeon in Harley Street, London confirmed that social media is heavily influencing plastic surgery trends and cosmetic treatments.
He has noticed in the past 5 years, “patients taking more photos of themselves than ever and as a result they are far more self-conscious about their appearance. Flaws they would previously have ignored have, since the advent of social media, plagued them.”
‘Snapchat Dysmorphia’ refers to a phenomenon – a trend in which people are bringing plastic surgeons their own heavily doctored or filtered selfies and requesting to look more like their photos. Although not an official mental disorder listed in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder), it has similarities to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).
55% of plastic surgeons cite seeing patients who want to improve their appearance in selfies, a request that comes more often from teenagers who are more frequent social media users than older adults.
The rise of selfie culture has coincided with a greater access to cosmetic beauty procedures.
The clientele are 20 somethings and the under 30 crowd for popularised medical beauty treatments including botox, fillers, lip injections and laser treatments.
Chinese clients influenced by neighbouring South Korea where beauty standards are big eyes and slim noses – about one third of women under 30 have had plastic surgery.
Double-eyelid surgery, a procedure that seeks to produce bigger Western-looking eyes has become a common 18th birthday present.
Britain’s Royal Society for Public Health has ranked a social media platform as the #1 worst social media network for its associations with anxiety and depression, with another platform closely behind. Findings from the study report women in their late teens and early 20s found that the app negatively impacted body image.
Before we blame anyone or anything, do we need to take an honest look at where it all comes from?
What drives a teenager or young adult to want to alter their natural state and take the risk that comes from having cosmetic surgery?
We call it plastic – why do we have a need to change our looks to make us look plastic, not real?
We blame this thing called social media but who subscribes to it and who aligns to it?
Are we not then the victims of the very thing we say we don’t want?
WHY is none of this making any sense?
The masses are on social media busy uploading and posting selfies that have been tampered with, doctored or call it what you want – messed with. They are not real life images, far from it and somehow we get it into our heads that we want to look like that in the real world at whatever cost.
Of course there are plastic surgeons who would refuse this type of business, but there will always be those who can and will profit from our lack of self worth or whatever it is that gives rise to the need for cosmetic surgery.
How serious is this when we know that teenagers and young adults want to look like something they are not?
Will it become an addiction, as we know people can get addicted to plastic surgery?
Is this all happening because we have lost our deepest inner-most connection to ourselves and instead we start seeking outside of us to see what is out there and in that we get hooked into the comparison stuff and this leads to us wanting what others seemingly have.
Social Media is a breeding ground for us to follow others who are not truly living a real life but somehow we think they are.
This thing about being perfect because we can get an app to do it for us is way off and most of us do know that but it’s like we just can’t stop.
Has anyone considered that this stuff is no different to drugs – it can become addictive.
How many of us could be honest enough to say we are addicted to social media, uploading and posting selfies and then checking a zillion times a day?
How can we then blame social media for our anxiety when we are the ones doing all the movements – in other words our behaviour feeds the symptoms we call anxiety back to us in our body?
Are we the creators of our own ills, but we do not want to ever admit that this may be the case as it means taking responsibility for our choices?
Whilst we blame selfies, apps, celebrities, influencers and a social media culture, we forgot that we are the ones who have given rise to all of this.
We have invested our time and money into this and then when the return is not what we desire, we are quick to point the blame finger.
Imagine how our world is going to be, if we continue down this ill road of trying to look perfect or have an image that is more like a doll than a human being with all its natural features.
Currently we have a generation of young women and men hooked on images of how they believe we should look based on A lister celebrities, reality TV stars and the excessive amount of images posted on social media.
Whilst we have all been affected by popular images of how we should look throughout the ages, the current situation feels more widespread due to the plethora of mediums that can now be used to post and spread images.
How many more body enhancing procedures will we continue to create, in the name of having the perfect body?
Have we ever questioned who actually sets the marker for what is prefect?
Have we questioned why people are being used to persuade and influence others in the form of social media influencers?
Have we questioned what will become of our youth as they focus on changing and augmenting various body parts in order to look acceptable?
What happened to the enormous beauty that comes from a person just being themselves?
Why is the naturalness of a woman or man who is deeply caring of themselves and others, not enough?
Does it seem too boring to just be?
Where did we learn that in every way we need to be more than we are?
Somehow we never seem to be satisfied and content with what we have and who we are.
Where has this eternal unrest come from and are we ready to start questioning why it is there in the first place?
Glamour – 21 July 2019
Cosmetic surgery like mainstream fashion items and beauty collections see trends come and go.
Last year, the hype was for Botox ‘sprinkles’, the minimal approach to the popular anti-wrinkle injections and of course, lip fillers.
Bone shaving is tipped to be the next big thing in cosmetic surgery.
The procedure is carried out under general anaesthetic using a micro-saw or laser saw to shave away parts of the bone and in some cases muscles in order to reshape and refine the area. This treatment is popular for jaw-line reduction and to reshape the feet.
Whilst there are genuine medical reasons for Osteotomy, the official name for bone shaving, it is becoming more prolific especially in Korea. It is now stimulating cosmetic surgery tourism to the region.
Commonly referred to as a ‘facial contouring’ procedure, it typically aims to provide patients with a more oval shaped jawline, as well as incorporating chin and cheek implants to entirely reform the shape of the natural face as desired.
The point to make clear to start with is we have to make a choice to go under general anaesthetic to have something done – in this case have actual bone taken away, simply to change our features be it face or feet.
What is it about us that sees something – be it in the mirror or when we look at our feet that we want them chopped and changed to fit the image we hold in our minds?
Has anyone noticed that no sooner is it all over, we are left with doubts in our head or searching social media and everywhere else outside of us, to compare and then before we know it we are certain we want more changes to our face or it could move on to our body?
Where will it end and will it in truth make us feel what we want to feel?
What if there were no screens and that means no more social media?
ADD to that no more ads, TVs or magazines or billboards bombarding us with images?
What would happen?
Would our world be pointless and hold no meaning or purpose?
OR could there be another way to truly live our life without these outer demands?
We seem to want what others have when it comes to the looks department, but what if this seeking takes us away from our natural inner most beauty that demands nothing from us?
What if there is no tension but an eternal settlement that we so want, but cannot have whilst we go on our self seeking expeditions in the name of beauty, plastic surgery and uploading selfies?
Once upon a time no one would even dare to have bone shaving just to look like a celebrity or another person but today it has become the norm.
The fact we have a tourism industry based on this is speaking volumes.
What will happen to the state of our mental health if bone shaving is on the agenda now?
Have we bothered to sit down and consider all the factors and consequences?
Will something go wrong and the blame comes out as it always does OR will we realise that these surgeons are supplying because we, the customer are making the demand?
This means there can be no one to blame.
How far will we go in the name of trying to have a perfect face or feet or a perfect body?
The global cosmetic and personal care industry was valued at $420 billion in 2018.
However, this sector is being disrupted by social media brands.
Investors are trying to pick the future winners in a rapidly shifting industry where established players are losing customers to younger brands.
Famous singers, make-up artists and media personalities with high profiles on social media bring out make-up and bingo it is super successful.
This is easy if you have 28 million followers on social media.
There is nothing in the way as the customers are ready, eager and waiting for anything they can get, to be like the superstar.
Of course what follows is the $$$. In fact at the age of 22 one young woman is a billionaire.
Our world has changed dramatically and very fast.
Images and uploading them on social media is what the masses are into and it is starting at a younger age than we might like to comprehend.
We all need to wake up and get up to date with what is really going on.
We have millions of young followers who want “The Perfect Look”.
That “Look” comes from their celebrity who is constantly changing their image from short to long hair, coloured, extensions, false nails, false eyelashes, false wigs, false breasts etc., etc.
Botox helps with attaining that image of the big lips pout.
High cheekbones and flawless skin comes with technology – anything is now possible.
You can look totally different in real life to your online image if that’s what you want and it seems to be that is what our youth of today want.
If they didn’t, these celebs would not have millions of followers.
The thing we seem to forget is that there is an internal unrest, an un-settlement that drives us to want something outside of ourselves.
It is like we are not enough.
We take a look outside and we see all these images bombarding us and we simply forget and lose ourselves in the moment.
Off we go on the ride out there that leads to even more angst, un-comfortableness and un-rest.
I know because I had it. In my early 20s I was saving for plastic surgery as I was convinced that I needed a face life. I was obsessed and focused on making sure this happened and it was confirmed to me that I was ugly by my partner at the time.
Today, looking back I can see how stupid the whole thing was. It was like a plot was set up to ensure it took me off track and down the road of wanting more and more things to look perfect.
The truth was I can recall being utterly miserable and waking up everyday with the same thought – “Is this it, is this what life is about”.
I hated life and every aspect of it and I needed something to stimulate me and take me away from my undealt with issues and hurts.
Roll on at the age of 57 I feel younger and the thought of trying to be perfect in anyway is just nowhere on the radar.
Social media is a hook to entice and enchant us and I am way too savvy to go there. Not my style.
What does wake me up every morning is purpose. I know I have that emanating from every cell in my body and it is this that keeps me looking young and feeling amazing.
With or without make-up, with or without a bad hair day, no off switch – same joy-full mood and ‘lets get on with it’ hat on, I strutt my stuff.
I realised some time ago that we are human and so we make mistakes and learn.
That simply means there is no such thing as perfect anything and just knowing and living that takes away all the perfect images that used to feed my head non-stop.
Finally – before I would follow anyone I would need to observe them for a decade and see how they are truly living in every area of their life. Then I want to know how their vitality levels are and what stimulants they take, which tells me how they are truly living.
Until then, I will stick to what I know and that is to continue living a deeply self-connected life, which stops any need to look outside of me to get something.
Perfect eyebrows – seem to be trending everywhere I look these days
Met a lady at the launderette who had huge blisters that were on these large eyebrows. In my usual style I asked what happened and it turns out she used hair dye to colour her eyebrows. Initially, the reaction literally exploded her whole face and now after 3 months on antibiotics and seeing her GP and a hospital specialist there is no change.
ALL in the name of “perfect eyebrows”.
Imagine if you are into your looks and this happens – worst nightmare we would say.
What is it about us humans that forgets that our body and all the delicate parts are super sensitive. If hair dye works on our head this case is confirming it does not work on our facial hair.
The point is this Perfect look has taken over from rational and sensible thinking.
No matter what we have, we want something else and there seems to be a constant unrest, an unsettlement inside us, which then looks outside for the next thing.
I know as decades ago when I was caught in the perfect thing it was like chasing a rainbow and an utter waste of resources.
Today I feel content with what I have and I sure ain’t going out looking at celebs or social media to knock me off track.
My life is incredibly rich and by that I am not talking big bucks. I am saying I live a very simple and deeply connected life, where everything matters and everything is important.
Our world seems to have got lost with this perfect business and it has made more people miserable if you ask me, as deep down they are not being who they truly are as their minds are constantly telling them otherwise.
Daily Mail – 5 September 2020
Health Inspectors in the UK are calling for stricter regulations governing beauty salons that offer semi-invasive procedures – lip fillers, micro-blading eyebrows or tattoos because very few beauty therapists have any understanding of infection control.
The Chartered Institute of Environmental Health and Institute of Licensing highlight unsafe practices, such as reusing needles or treatments carried out by untrained staff.
Claims were also made that children were able to get intimate piercings and semi-permanent make up and it is Legal.
For the record semi-permanent make up is a complexion treatment to enhance eyes, eyebrows and lips so that it adds definition to the face. The technique involves injecting pigment through a fine vibrating needle into the most superficial layers of the skin and the use of a local anaesthetic cream numbs the area pre-treatment.
Before we continue, let us ask a very simple question – how on earth has this become legal?
WHY have we allowed a technique where local anaesthetic is required and an injection to the face in the name of beauty?
Who writes the law and who are the policy makers for this industry?
Is anyone really interested or do we accept the fact that our children are using injections because for whatever reason, they do not like the natural way that they look?
Reality shows have been blamed for fuelling demand for cosmetic treatments in teenagers and women. It seems that younger groups view these ‘enhancements’ as normal.
We blame TV shows but what are the parents doing themselves?
What child is going to take parental rules for what to watch on TV seriously, if they themselves watch this type of program?
What if the parents of these teenagers are having enhancements as a normal part of their life and so then it would be nothing unusual if their teen daughter wants the same?
What part does social media play in all of this?
Are our kids doctoring their look with those digital apps that help them to do so and then in real life they look so different that a quick solution would be pigment injecting to hold the ‘look’?
Does it make any sense for a child or teenager to have these cosmetic treatments because we all know they are still in the growing phase of their life where their body is adjusting internally and externally?
If at such a young age the focus is on the ‘look’ being a certain way or having an image of how they want to look, are we endorsing and fostering an ill way of being that is going to have consequences?
What if we had independent observational studies to track what happens when a child or teenager has pigment injected into their delicate face tissue and what are their next movements?
In other words, are they looking to continue with these types of beauty enhancements or do they have a need to want more?
Let us not forget that we have all been through lockdown restrictions and the beauty industry was closed to most of us. However, we only have to open our eyes and put our awareness hat on to notice that these youngsters are still up to what they did pre-lockdown because these procedures are going on and the customer – be it the minor or the mother are fuelling the demand and the untrained, unauthorised, unlicensed therapist is just there to supply and profit from this.
We have a habit of blaming and pointing fingers but we ought to be asking more questions that can start up honest conversations, so that we can get to the root of what, why and how this type of stuff is going on in our world.
The ‘look’ is now a big deal and a big thing for many growing up and also their parents. We as individuals have created this beauty industry and so there is nothing to be alarmed, staggered, stunned or shocked by, as we want this and so that is why we have contributed 1.3% of the UK total GDP. Sounds like a tiny percentage to most of us but it equates to £28.4 billion and that is equivalent to ALL the economic activity undertaken in the city of Manchester.
The above small statistic quoted speaks volumes. A point worth noting is that the figures are from 2 years ago and so it is not an accurate and up to date reflection of what it is today.
I was reading a news story recently where a study found that 25% women use a filter on photos before posting on social media because they cannot bear to reveal their scars and stretch marks.
This figure is more that double for women age 24 and under, with 51% rarely uploading an unaltered photo online.
So women use digital distortion apps and filters to erase these blemishes before sharing the picture online.
50% said that they received more likes and positive comments on pictures where they had filtered out their so-called flaws, compared to unedited images.
What is it about women that we think we are ‘more beautiful’ without the cellulite, scars and stretch-marks?
How do we knock out these ill thoughts and expectations that flood our mind?
84% believe social media sets unrealistic expectations of what skin should look like?
WHY are we not stopping and asking a very simple question – who is social media?
It is us – the masses who subscribe to it and we set the demand, the tone and everything else but when it has turned into an ugly mess, which it clearly has, we want to blame this thing called ‘social media’.
Why do we have a need to want to upload photos – flawed or flawless?
What is the purpose and what is our intent and what do we actually want?
Before we go slating and slagging off social media we need to take a serious stop and pause moment and reflect on the following –
Who on earth came up with Digital Distortion Apps?
What would happen if we suddenly ALL stopped subscribing to apps like this?
Where would the suppliers of these apps go if they had no customers?
Where are those incessant thoughts flooding our head to look perfect coming from?
Let us not forget, that we are the ones buying into these apps to then use them to get the desired image and then upload and before we know it we are on it daily, getting addicted and becoming obsessive and then going into comparison, maybe even envy and jealousy or whatever else to continue on this ill road.
Let’s get real and let’s be super honest for once, so we can get going on the truth road…
We want the perfect image and we have the apps to help us, but then we know it is not the truth.
Instead of getting to the root of it, we jump on the blame bandwagon as if it’s not us, but that thing out there called social media that is making us do it, when in truth we have the know how and the power to change our behaviour.
Being super honest would mean admitting that we actually like what this flawless, doctored, digital distorted look gives us in the form of an image and that our mind changes so fast we are already on to the next look and the next uploading and we end up in this cycle that feeds us something momentarily, but deep down leaves us continuously feeling empty as we know none of this is going to truly fill the void we feel deep within.
Call this nonsense or wisdom – time we had another perspective on what all this is really about.
I am not a halo head or preaching here, just saying it as it is and for the record, a long time ago, I too was caught up in wanting a look and my head was swimming in thoughts about fixing this and that. Back in those days it was plastic surgery. Today it’s fillers, botox and these apps that do it for us. Once I stopped blaming others and got to the root of my self loathing and low self worth, things moved fast and today I spend zero time on things like what others think of me or what to upload online, which has never happened as I do not entertain social media.
AND Finally – how far have we as women deviated from our natural essence, if we need Digital Distortion Apps as our ‘go to’ in daily life to upload a perfect look for the world to see?
Metro News – 25 January 2021
4 in 10 students will not turn on cameras for remote lessons as they do not like they way they look on screen.
According to US scientists, while showing faces improves participation, forcing learners to do so can cause undue stress.
So now what? What is science going to do about it or was that the answer?
We seem to be great at accepting things that are really not the truth, but we settle for a form of reductionism. Let us expand and explore more here dear reader…
What if we started asking some sensible questions like WHY are 40% of our students not content with their faces and what is really going on?
Has their use of social media and other screen time experiences put them on the comparison bandwagon so they have this distorted perception of how they feel when it may not be accurate?
Have they got some form of image inside their heads about a certain look and they are not going to let their classroom buddies see them on screen?
Have they set up unrealistic expectations about the ‘perfect’ look and real life is far from that when they take a look in the mirror?
The point is – if we have this going on for our kids studying online, do we need to find out what is really going on that is influencing this kind of behaviour? For their own good, we are told it improves participation, so it makes sense we get past this hurdle of not wanting cameras on. But we know it’s not that easy and before we wait for more research it could be that 7 in 10 will be wanting the cameras off for lessons.
Question – why is there any difference with online and offline?
Are scientists going to find out why these 4 in 10 are ok going to lessons when its in person but not show their faces on a screen? What is this all really about and do we need to start having conversations and opening up about this?
We can all agree that we should never impose any force or create stress as both are un-necessary, but we are short changing ourselves if we just leave it at that and not bother to dig deeper with our line of questioning.
And finally – as this blog is about being perfect and wanting a perfect life…
Simple Living Global are not interested in getting it all right or making this a perfect website. They just do what they do best – keep on publishing articles that are relatable to bring more awareness and they also report on news stories by way of a comment, just like this one.
What they endorse and claim does work is making sure off line and online holds the same quality and it has nothing to do with trying to look a certain way and the word ‘perfect’ never comes on the radar and this blog tells us why that is.
The Guardian – 24 September 2021
Cosmetic procedure industry is like the ‘wild west’ according to experts, who are calling for the government to stop ignoring increasingly urgent requests for the regulation of non-invasive procedures.
The call comes after a supermodel said she had been “permanently deformed” after a non-surgical cosmetic procedure went wrong. She developed complications and this led to radical change in her appearance.
We know that there are also many other high profile celebrity that use cosmetic surgery and so called non-invasive procedures.
Non-surgical cosmetic procedures are a global issue, and this issue is particularly dangerous in the UK, where anyone is able to carry out potentially life-threatenting procedures with little or no training.
“The scale of the problem is huge” says the director of a national, government approved register of accredited non-surgical treatment practitioners. This organisation has seen complaints increase and they say this is a “tip of the iceberg”. There are medical side effects that come with these treatments but because they are classed as beauty treatments, anybody can do them.
Treatments complained about –
86% were carried out by beauticians, hairdressers or lay people (who literally can teach themselves from online video platform and buy their products over the internet).
81% find their practitioner on social media.
93% were not warned about serious complications and thought the treatment were low risk beauty treatments.
83% did not give informed consent
84% were ignored or blocked by their practitioner when they tried to seek help
Member of Parliament Carolyn Harris, who co-chaired the inquiry says –
“We know there is a complete absence of regulation of treatments like Botox style injections and fillers in the UK. It is like the wild west. We have people who are selling training courses which are not worth the paper they are written on. We have practitioners who are destroying the industry’s reputation by practising completely unqualified and we have victims who are scarred for life”.
So we know that the government have not kept up with the rapid rise in demand for these types of surgery. While we campaign, give voice and opinion and wait for change in the law, are there any other factors we ought to consider here?
Just because the law states no under age 18 can receive Botox, let us wake up and not be fooled. There is and will continue to be plenty of illegal practice carried out, as long as there is the demand. That means those teenagers seeking it and now it will be under the radar, so to speak. We have been told children as young as 15 are having lip and cheek fillers. Questions we all need to ask here is where are the parents or custodians who are supposedly raising these teenagers? Are they endorsing or condoning this as they have cosmetic procedures themselves? Are they turning a blind eye or is something else at play that needs to be looked at?
If patient safety is a priority – we the customer, who make the demand (in other words, we want this type of surgery) are not considering what this industry is all about. Then chances are we are going to end up in the wrong hands.
Social media with all its fake photos and that means they have been enhanced, digitalised and made to look like something the person is not, is the new standard and the new NORMAL. Having these cosmetic procedures is our new NORMAL and this is what we need to wake up to Dear World. Let us not bang on about how much we hate it and want the law to change when we, yes we adults, the so-called role models are either doing it or setting the way for our youth to be the same.
Most of us feel entitled to do what we want as it is our face and our body.
We spend little or no true regard for the delicate nature of the human frame and all its cycles and rhythms. We trash it and expect it to perform and do what we want, like some kind of ownership. We forget that it has an intelligence far beyond what we can fathom or ever work out.
What we do spend our time on is seeking to look a certain way and going on social media to feed us the ideal picture, the image that we want and then we take the steps to make that happen and we call that cosmetic procedures.
The new NORMAL is what the masses are up to and until we look at what our standard of normal is now, we can expect even more devastating real life cases such as this supermodel, who is crushed by her choice to have this type of cosmetic surgery.
It would be wise to ask – WHY do we want to enhance our natural beauty and where do these thoughts come from?
Where is this perfect image and perfect look coming from and how come most of us end up wanting more and more?
As this blog reminds us the goal post keeps moving when it comes to Perfect.
Mail Online – 18 December 2021
A research study has found that ‘attractive women’ who wear dramatic make up like lipstick and mascara are deemed more ‘aggressive’ and those that are plain types are judged as ‘better leaders’ when made up.
Desirable participants who viewed the photos of attractive women in make-up experienced a slump in how they felt about their own looks. However, the less desirable participants were not impacted.
The study found that make-up may serve as a form of ‘intrasexual competition’ in highly attractive women but performs a different social function among plainer women.
Intrasexual competition is behaviour aimed at increasing the chance of attracting a high-quality mate, but which is targeted at members of one’s own sex – who are in the market for the same men – rather than the actual love interests.
So why is this study telling us that women feel intimidated in the presence of highly attractive women?
Where do we get our meter reading from when it comes to the word ‘attractive’ and is it all an illusion because we seem to be so changeable as women relating to other women?
Are we the wallflower types and never make effort but we would like to?
Are we in wallflower mode now as it suits our post lockdown laid back lifestyle?
Are we incessantly jealous and in comparison and competition with other women?
Do we have images and expectations of ourselves and have beliefs about looking a certain way?
Do we have a distorted view about how attractive we are and is this where we focus and put our emphasis on every single day?
As this blog clearly presents – Perfect is not real and it is constantly moving the goal post and we fall for it every time.
What if there was another way to live and that means stepping off the perfect track and getting on the real track, back to life and living it in a way that brings out the natural innate beauty that we each hold and can reflect through our eyes. Possible?
What if it is very possible and it comes with a settlement that we can feel inside us and this brings us real Joy and a life without the tension of constantly seeking outside of us and looking out there at others by way of comparison?
Yahoo News – 28 March 2022
Have we heard of a ‘Mommy Makeover’?
Plastic surgeons explain this popular trend.
There has been an 8% increase in online searches of “mommy makeovers” from 2020 to 2021, according to one site which offers aesthetic treatments.
19% increase in search for breast augmentation
29% interest in tummy tuck (or abdominoplasty)
Others emerging from the pandemic are wanting a ‘fresh look’ and there is a rise in requests for “aesthetic enhancements” overall. For some it can be fillers or skin resurfacing and others more invasive to help women “regain their pre-pregnancy shape.”
A “mommy makeover” generally refers to a combination of surgeries performed in a single session. The procedures centre on the breast, stomach and thighs, with tummy tucks, breast lifts and augmentations and liposuction being the most frequently requested.
Some may request a belly button lift (umbilicoplasty) or reshaping surgery to address “outies” that pop during pregnancy and don’t recede after birth.
With the modern day ‘mommy makeover’ there are other things like liposuction where surgeons ‘repurpose’ any fat that is removed say from muffin top (waistline) and add it to volume and contour the buttocks.
Plastic surgeons are seeing requests for arm lifts, breast reduction, eyelid surgery, other facial nips/tucks, ‘vaginal rejuvenation’ such as perineoplasty to tighten the vaginal entrance.
This article goes on to say more about the risks involved and it is best to have children before going for a mommy makeover as there could be risks if a tummy tuck has already been done and there is a pregnancy again.
Social media have shown mommy’s shuffling around for weeks in bandages and compression garments, whilst others flash their flat tummies in crop tops and bikinis.
Keep looking and there will be botched procedures and women struggling with pain and blood loss.
Have we got to the point where our daily pressures in life, looking at what is out there and what others have and all our images that we have fed to us constantly in our mind, creating this new trend? Plastic surgery is on the up like never before and in the past it was an older generation thing but these days the age groups are younger and younger.
What gets into us that seems to put the focus on wanting and seeking this perfect physical body, without making any real changes or adjustments and expecting like we are entitled to do this “because we can” and no one can stop us?
Have we really stopped long enough to consider the outplay – the consequences, the knock on effect of what cosmetic surgery might really do to us?
This blog and all the comments posted thereafter are well worth reading and pondering on.
As a human being there is nothing perfect that we need to be or get to or do.
So why is it that we put this outer pressure on ourselves, blame society and the world and its brothers for why we feel the way we feel about our body and that includes our face of course?
Talking to a guy I know who is generally up and down about his looks, his weight, not having a partner and his diet.
Well today he was very happy bouncing around and he told me it was because he was seeing his family soon (going back to Turkey for a holiday), but that the real reason was he is having his teeth done.
I had told him before he has lovely teeth. Yes he has them whitened because he smokes (that’s what he tells me) but they are in good shape and nothing worth talking about, or putting emphasis to in anyway.
In response to my question what on earth was he going to fix up with his teeth when they really need nothing, he said that they are going to be cut in half – YES you read correctly, every single teeth are cut and then new replacements are wider and of course his words “perfect white, just like the celebrities”. He tells me this is what famous celebs do and the cost is 5 times more in UK so he is off to his homeland as the price is just £6,000.
Once upon a time I used to feel sorry for people like him working long hours and not making much money and I have come to realise in my wiser older years that we must never ever feel sorry for another and as my friend who works with the homeless says “if they want something, they will find the money”. I realise she is right about this point.
Back to the teeth cutting – apparently it is popular and very big business.
We can’t blame the suppliers, in other words those that profit such as the dental profession. No different to other cosmetic procedures, this comes from demand. Yes indeed, we the customer make the demands of what we want and they obediently deliver with a price tag.
To go under general anaesthetic for a cosmetic procedure that is not needed and is only to get a perfect look and post on social media makes no sense, when there are so many today in our world that need real and proper surgery for teeth. Imagine if a dental surgeon swapped making profits to better the looks of others and instead supported those in the community that genuinely require dental surgery, where would our world be then? Of course we need to earn money, but making excess amounts to fund our already comfortable lifestyle may not be the way to go, for a species that is really not doing so great if we stop and just look at the state of our world today when it comes to health and wellbeing.
A friend pointed out to me about a work colleague and her “trout mouth”.
It was then I thought “oh yes” as the photo on the phone picture had changed and I just put it down to that airbrushing, photoshop thing that young women do and has become the normal. I did clock it but not paid much attention at the time.
What has transpired is they inject botox themselves into their lips and then want more. This is a general trend and I see it everywhere on the trains and buses during my travelling and it’s getting worse.
Asking out loud – what on earth is it that they actually see when they look in the mirror?
What message are they receiving and what is their sight actually receiving?
How does the brain then send the image back to them and give them a distorted version of themselves?
When will this stop if what they see constantly requires some form of alteration, amendment as they are (of course) never happy with the same look for long, hence why the next and then the next botox or they move on to something else?
What if the mind as we know it is playing and it’s not true?
What if the altered mind is saying ‘this is what you need now’ and with the masses doing it, does it become like a suction and they get pulled in?
Botox is getting to become big business and so so normal in society now. Once upon a time it was the rich or the celebs only and now young children are subscribing to this look.
What is even more concern is injecting themselves and the fact that this is easily accessible via our internet.
Let’s get real, there is nothing out there that we cannot find and purchase these days. No amount of championing and fighting for change will bring down those sites that promote ‘ill medicine’ for those seeking it. Before we blame the suppliers, we ought to look at the demand. If we didn’t ask for it, in other words demand it, then there would be no business supplying the stuff.
This blog is important because this Perfect Life is not attainable and never will be. The goal post shifts and this example clearly demonstrates that. Never is it enough that we feel settled when it comes to face and body alterations.
High time we asked WHY and what exactly is behind our choice to seek “ill medicine”.
Call it “ill” as it sure is not going to make us better or well in the true sense.