REAL TALKING – Part 1

Dear World

What is REAL TALKING about?

What does Talking mean to us?

Where does Talking come from?

What is the dictionary telling us about this word Talk?

Concise Oxford English Dictionary

Talk

verb

1. speak in order to give information or express ideas or feelings; communicate by speech

  • (talk something over/through) discuss something thoroughly
  • (be talking) informal be discussing in specified terms: we’re talking big money
  • Gossip

2. (talk someone round) convince someone to adopt a specific point of view

  • (talk someone into/out of) persuade or dissuade someone to or from
  • (talk something out) (in Parliament) block the course of a bill by prolonging discussion to the time of adjournment

3. (talk back) reply defiantly or insolently

4. (talk down to) speak condescendingly to

noun

1. conversation; discussion

  • speculation or gossip
  • (the talk of) a current subject of widespread gossip or speculation in

2. an address or lecture

3. (talks) formal discussions or negotiations

PHRASES

you can’t talk informal used to convey that a criticism made applies equally well to the person making it

look who’s talking another way of saying – you can’t talk

talk the talk informal speak in a way intended to convince or impress

talkathon      noun
informal a prolonged discussion or debate
– ORIGIN 1930s (orig. US, denoting a debate artificially prolonged to prevent the progress of a bill): blend of TALK and MARATHON

talkative        adjective
fond of or given to talking

talkback        noun
1. a system of two-way communication by loudspeaker

2. another term for PHONE-IN

talkboard      noun
an Internet bulletin board or chat room

talkfest          noun
informal, chiefly North American a lengthy discussion or debate, especially as part of a television chat show

talking point            noun
a topic that invites discussion

talking shop (also talk shop)      noun
Brit. a place or group regarded as a centre for unproductive talk rather than action

talking-to      noun
informal a sharp reprimand (1)

Do we all accept and agree with everything here that is said because it is in the dictionary?

Who writes all this stuff and where does it come from in the first place?

WHY have we got so many versions online about this word Talk and they are not all saying the same thing?

What if we started asking more Questions and got to the essence of a word, where we are all united and that means we get to a one-unified truth?

That means it would be Simple to know what is Truth and what is not.
There would not be any room for mis-interpretation in any way whatsoever.
There would no longer be big fat dictionaries because we would cut the fat and get to the REAL TALK for digital or printing.

We all know that we use talk as a form of communication and the dictionary confirms this.

We can use it to express how we feel and we can use it to inform and share ideas.

For some of us we are able to discuss the private stuff and intimate feelings but only to those we feel safe with and who knows if we go the whole hog or hold back and disclose what we want. In other words, we do not talk about all our Vices and Secrets and we hope no one will ever find out.

So Gossip is Talking
Swearing is Talking
Shouting is Talking

What about when we circulate – widespread some speculation we read in the media or overhead at the bus stop?

Do we ever bother to check the facts or do our own research and then discern, or do we simply jump on the bandwagon as it gives us something to talk about that day?

What about the online stuff that “anonymous” names write about decent people and vent utter hate and some of us actually believe it and join the bandwagon?

What about those times when we give it the big Hot Talk like we are really onto something, but we know inside us that there will be zero action taking place as we love our comfortable life and getting out there and actually GETTING ON WITH IT is not for us?

What about those who need to convince someone, which comes from a force, as we need them to believe it is the truth when in Truth we never need to convince anyone as it never sticks?

In others words, when we use a force to persuade others to see it our way, it simply will not hold as they are slippery words and not solid.

What about when we lecture others like we have the right to control the conversation one way, with no room for any response or feedback?

What about those formal negotiations where we try to reach an agreement or compromise knowing all along it is not the Truth?

What about those who talk down in a tone and attitude that we can feel is patronising, so it makes us feel less and they feel superior in some way?

What about talking face to face?
How are we in our body when we have this head on engagement?
Do we talk with eye contact full on or talk away with no eyes meeting?
Do we change what we were talking about as we are ‘reading’ the other person?
In other words, we have clocked them and made up our mind what we want to say and not say.

What about the talking we do on the phone?
Do we have a telephone voice?
Do we natter on because we just want to get it out of our system?
Do we always go to someone who will confirm us in whatever we say?
In other words, if we are looking for sympathy, we know they will agree and join us there.

Do we talk about our victim mode and find other victims out there who like the pity pot syndrome and so we all have common talk about the same stuff?

Do we avoid people who hold a level of authority by their lived way, which comes with a greater Responsibility?

In other words, we know people who are truly walking the walk and talking the talk and not the dictionary definition, which tells us they are out to convince and impress.

What about those that just ramble on and it is obvious we are probably the only person they get to speak to all day so we play nice, say nothing and confirm them so no change there?

What about the wasted talk time we spend when we could be doing something that is productive and would support us and others?

What about those who think they need their voice heard by all and sundry so they talk like they got a loudspeaker on?

What about those who use Social Media ‘chat rooms’ to chit chat about this and that and hide behind a screen and say whatever they want even if it is a load of baloney?

What about those Television debates that just go on and on and when we switch off we have Lost the Plot, as we could not follow it through as nothing made sense?

What about those lengthy discussions that go on in board rooms across the world where the kingpin ends up having the last say and the whole thing is already decided, but the talk takes place to make it all look like all things were considered and accounted for?

What about those who talk about a topic, which invites a discussion to suit their own agenda and so it is no longer a truly open and transparent platform because the outcome is going to be decided before it all got started?

What if this sharp formal tone of voice, when we talk to reprimand another, is not coming from a place of equalness, unity, oneness or brotherhood?

In other words, we use the power we hold in the position we are given to do what it takes to read the rules to the endth degree and dismiss the essence of who is in front of us, because we do not see them as the SAME and EQUAL as us.

The Science of WHY We Talk Too Much and How to Shut Up

Science says that humans, being social animals are programmed to use communication as a vital tool to survive and thrive.

60% spend conversations talking about themselves

80% use conversations about themselves on social media

Researchers found the reason was because it just feels good. (2)

Harvard psychologists discovered that individuals were wiling to give up money for the opportunity to disclose information about themselves. (3)

Hello

What is this really telling us about our behaviour?

Would it be true to say that most of us are using social media so get others to know who we are?

Is it because we are looking outside to the world to confirm us, like us, recognise us and identify us?

WHY are we willing to give up money simply to have an opportunity to disclose information about our self?

Could it be possible SOMETHING IS MISSING?

Could we be Honest and say SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT?

Next –

Who likes to really Talk?
Who is comfortable Talking?
Who enjoys Talking nonsense?

Who wants to talk to people they don’t like?
Who has time for all this talking business?
Who looks forward to Nil by Mouth – no talking?

What is it about talking that we love?
What is it about talking that we hate?
What is it about talking that hurts us?

What is it about talking that we avoid at all costs?
What is it about talking that we wish we could ignore?
What is it about talking that makes us want to run away?
What is it about talking that changes our mood?
What is it about talking that affects our emotions?

What is it about talking that we just don’t want?
What is it about talking that we are not interested in?
What is it about talking that bores the pants off us?
What is it about talking that makes us dig our heels in?
What is it about talking that we simply do not like?

What is it about talking that raises our natural voice?
What is it about talking that makes us sound abrupt?
What is it about talking that makes us feel uncomfortable?

What is all this jibber jabber that comes out of our mouth?

WHY do we talk for the sake of it?
WHY do we talk such utter rubbish sometimes?
WHY do we talk about things that make no sense?
WHY does the talking business annoy us so much?

WHY do we talk Gossip daily?
WHY do some of us Lie when we talk?
WHY do we talk Swear words like it is normal?
WHY do some of us do the Hot Talk stuff?

WHY is talking sense not a Priority in our life?

WHY do we let loose with our tongue when we talk?

WHY do some of us talk utter crap just for the sake of it?

WHY does the talking rubbish bug us, but we do it anyway?

WHY does the talking of proper stuff not enter our radar?

WHY do we give ourselves permission to rant and call this talking?

WHY do we think it is ok to have talks about things that seem pointless?

WHY do we sit around and listen to others talking about this and that which has no purpose whatsoever?

WHY do we stay quiet when we know we need to talk up?

WHY do some of us talk so quietly that it’s hard to hear?

WHY do some of us like the attention we get from talking softly and nicely all the time?

WHY do some of us have a telephone voice when we talk?

WHY do we think talking in a meeting to look like we are contributing is worth doing?

WHY do some of us pretend to be like someone else when we talk?

WHY do some of us bottle things up then blast it out at those we think are better off than us?

WHY do some of us avoid talking and when it comes out it’s like a big force that hurts others?

WHY do some of us let others do the talking so we get a quiet life?

WHY do some of us think it is ok to let others talk on our behalf?

WHY do some of us think it is ok to keep talking and not value what someone else is saying?

WHY do some of us have a convenient arrangement with our partner where one does most of the talking?

WHY do some people take over with the talking but we say nothing?

WHY do we nod and agree as we just can’t be bothered to do the talking stuff?

WHY do we get so lazy with our words when we talk?

WHY do we never talk out loud and say GET ON WITH IT?

WHY do we talk to our self in the Mirror about nonsense?

WHY do we create Complications even when we talk?

WHY do we always find Solutions in our everyday talk?

WHY do we spend so much time talking about our Regret?

WHY do we have a need to talk about the fact we are always Overdoing It and are exhausted?

WHY do we talk ourselves into Sitting on the Fence, Doing Nothing and watching and waiting?

WHY do we do the fake and phoney talking, thinking others are buying it and deep down we know it is not us?

WHY do we feel that others are checked out and not listening when we do the talking?

WHY do some of us deliberately use talking to manipulate and make out it is not the case?

WHY do we turn up and show up and force ourselves to talk away, when we don’t have anything really to say?

Dear World

What if there is Another Way to express when we Talk?
In other words, speaking with a starting point of Absolute Honesty.

What if we started to respect and care for our self and bring this deep level of self-regard into every conversation we have?

What if we held all others and talked to them in the same quality as we do some of the so called close people in our life that we see as ‘special’?

What if we had a deeper understanding about people, before we open our mouth and Talk?

What if we started to elevate all our conversations at the dining table?
In other words, we make a commitment to cut the small Talk and say what we know would take the conversation to the next level.

What if we stopped talking about the weather and the soap opera last night and got Talking about real stuff going on in our neighbourhood?

What if we respond in our Talking with a deep honesty so the other person gets a shake out of the vibration they were in?

In other words, we don’t just nod and agree when we know we have words of wisdom that just need to be said with no holding back.

What if we had the awareness to see through those who set things up to ensure the outcome they want when they Talk?

What if we stop indulging in those moments in our past that are long gone where we float off in our mind and forget to Talk about real life right now?

In other words, not getting hooked into reminiscing because it feels like a relief moment but in truth we just went backwards, so no evolution.

What happens if our Talking is always about excuses and we know that?

What if we have the power to elevate ourselves out of a sticky stuck situation simply by Talking with a deep level of honesty?

What if our movements in life change just because we made the choice to change our old behaviour when we Talk?

What if we never allow any fighting or control in manipulative conversations as we know that is fake Talk and not us?

What if Talking has never been a strength for us but internal head Talk and not allowing it to come out of our mouth has?

What if our resistance to Talking is actually a deeper problem than we would like to consider or admit?

What happens if we use humour when we Talk so it covers up the ugly real stuff that we avoid at all costs?

What happens if we Talk in a very dismissive manner about ourselves and others?

What if we made a commitment to not drop the quality of our conversation when we next Talk?

In other words, we are not going to down play or talk fluffy and phoney to anyone, no matter who they are.

What if we made it our Priority to Talk to our children with an openness and honesty in every single conversation we have with them?

What if we made it our Focus to get Talking about things that really matter like the topics on this website?

What if we started to VALUE what we talk about and so it holds meaning for us and equally for others too?

 What if we started every single conversation and every opportunity we are presented with, to Talk with an Absolute Honesty and not get concerned about where it will go?

What would our life be like?
What would our world be like?

What if that became our new normal one day in the future?

Could it be possible?

Could it be that Simple?

References

(1) Concise Oxford English Dictionary – Twelfth Edition. Oxford University Press. 2011

(2) Dishman, L. (n.d). The Science of Why We Talk Too Much (And How to Shut Up). Fast Company. Retrieved June 12, 2018 from
https://www.fastcompany.com/3047285/the-science-of-why-we-talk-too-much-and-how-to-shut-up

(3) Tamir, D.I., & Mitchell, J.P. Disclosing Information About the Self is Intrinsically Rewarding. Department of Psychology, Harvard University, Cambridge, MA, 02138. Retrieved June 12, 2018 from
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3361411/

Share

Comments 24

  1. This is such a great blog.

    The truth in the observations is so accurate. And funny, too.

    I was talking to my Mum on the way to work the other day and she could tell from my voice when I had arrived at the office.

    This was a big thing to be told. That your voice changes at work.

    My Mum said it was a good thing, because she could hear my professionalism and focus.

    What I felt, though, was an almost imperceptible shift in my body. A slight hardness in my shoulders and neck. A tensing, somehow.

    How brilliant to have someone call this out so I could see this and therefore look at the why.

    It makes you realise how much we notice in the voice, how sensitive we are to tone and pitch.

    It really does feel like something to pay a lot more attention to.

  2. Many people I know would say that I do not talk much.

    I used to feel ashamed because of this. I used to want to say more but I did not know what to say.

    So why do I not know what to say? Maybe because there was nothing to say?

    One of the reasons I did not say much is because what people were saying was not true, or they said things and did not follow through. So why get involved in useless conversations?

    Simple Living Global has supported me to understand that expression is important and what I have to say does make a difference.

  3. “What if we started to VALUE what we talk about and so it holds meaning for us and equally for others too?”

    This question is a huge invitation.

    If we truly valued what we say and the conversations we have, what would the quality of those conversations be?

    Would we say more or less?

    What would the subject matter be?

    Would we talk small or would we elevate our discussions?

    Would we pull each other up more?

    I have been a master at small talk in my life. I learned this working in the hospitality industry, where my parents ran a pub and a hotel. Charm was the order of the day.

    I have realised over the years that this is not the way and that ‘charm’ and ‘nice’ actually cap the level of conversation.

    I also know that when you present true conversation, some people simply don’t want that and will change the discussion to suit their comfort level.

    What an interesting science this is.

  4. I was part of a conversation recently where someone was working through an issue in their life.

    They came to a solid place with it, confident to move forward.

    Then, later, I heard them having the exact same conversation with someone else,

    You could feel them pulling back into the issue. Wanting to rehash the drama and stay in it – telling and re-telling the story.

    It feels like this is so common and shows up so clearly in our conversations.

    It is huge to start to really look at how we use conversation to keep us stuck and feed our issues.

  5. What a great piece of writing – thank you Simple Living Global.

    Reading this blog – how many of us do question why we talk and what the purpose is of what we are saying?

    It is also interesting to note the amount of agendas and goals we can have in the simple act of talking.

    This article discusses four reasons why we might be talking too much at work.
    https://www.fastcompany.com/40578553/four-hidden-reasons-you-might-be-rambling-at-work

    These are because –

    We want feedback
    Are anxious
    To teach others rather than influence
    We want people to see us as powerful

    I know there have been many times where I have held back saying what I have felt to say because I have doubted, not been sure, or have been concerned about ‘getting it wrong’ so feeling anxious, but I am finding that the more I am prepared to just practice talking without any judgement of myself, or have an agenda or need to be right, but just have an open willingness to share, I am finding it much easier.

    I know this puts others at ease and for someone that barely used to talk at all, I would say that this is progress.

  6. Why were words invented? They did not just appear. Someone had to decide it was important to assign a word to a concept or thing.

    However it has made true communication trickier, because we can change the definition of words if we want to.

    But are we really changing the definition just by changing the meaning in the dictionary?

    So how do we know that what is being said is the truth if we just go by the words?

    Do we still have a sense of what is true by what we feel?

    Have we gradually ignored this ability and become attached to the words themselves?

    Is this how we can be lied to and be fooled?

  7. Talking to a friend yesterday, I was able to see a different angle on a situation – to read something more fully than I had been able to see myself.

    I am a busy person and don’t often have these sorts of conversations. However, this one helped me to see how important true conversation really is. Without it, we are poorer.

    And I say ‘true conversation’, because in my experience, it is easy to get lost in an issue or simply waste time on hot air, if the person you are talking to likes drama, isn’t able to be really honest with you or isn’t open to see all that is really there.

    Having someone in your life seeking wisdom and who does not filter the truth, is the biggest blessing I can think of – truly game changing.

  8. I feel that everybody is ready to talk about things that really matter, but most people are afraid to open up and express what they want to say.

    I have been reluctant to say what is on my mind because I felt that what I had to say was not important, or nobody would be interested.

    I lived and worked with a group of people, and every morning we would get together and we had an opportunity to share something.

    At first I did not say anything, too scary, but eventually I realized that what people were saying was just like what I wanted to say.

    At first this sharing thing was very challenging, but by the end of the 3months, it was the best part of the experience for me.
    It helped me understand that we are all the same in so many ways.

    So do not hold back, express what we feel, everyone is just waiting to hear from us.

  9. What a wonderful blog.

    The author of this blog most definitely walks the talk when it comes to Real Talking.
    There are very few people I know that do hold a Real conversation.

    How many times over the years I have engaged with nonsense talk, when deep down I knew it was but still continued to engage. Equally not speaking up when I had the opportunity to, would leave me frustrated and withdrawn.

    What I have realised is engaging in Real talk can be inspiring.
    There is no drive to push the conversation and be something we are not.

    What this blog has inspired me to do, is to look even more closer with my relationship with people.

  10. Talking is something I do very naturally and in the past it was hot talk, nonsense talk, utter rubbish with no purpose. These days it is nothing like that as I see every opportunity as a constellation, divine design for me to open my mouth because what I have to say is important and holds value.

    On that note, launderette today I had my focus and that was to do some research while I was waiting for the machines. But I alway remain open if anyone does want to talk to me. That is just how I operate in life.

    A refugee from Iran was telling me her story and I gave her my full focus and attention. I learned so much and she thanked me as one of her things that got her depressed back home was loneliness.

    We both agreed on how important it is to talk and have genuine conversations. It blows me away how honest and open people are when they talk to me, even though on some level it may look like I am a stranger.

    Well she wanted to know more about me and what I do. She asked if I would give her details of my website as she reads english very well but struggles with spoken words.

    When I was leaving the launderette, this young woman made a point of telling me she had already read the coffee blog and it made sense and she was now reading something else and was a bit surprised at how much content was on this website.

    To me, real life face to face talking beats social media and the plethora of apps that we now have on tap to engage with. It beats going to the bar and getting alcohol into the bloodstream, to have conversations we would never have without the drink in us.

    In fact, these random, unplanned, unexpected constellations that seem to happen in my everyday life are not weird and whacky but hold meaning.

    It is like a package from my soul saying – “here you go, this is the person that could do with what you have to say, so can you deliver the package, with no holding back and remember to be you, nothing more and nothing less. No need to show off or try or give any fluff or wait for them to like you or not, just deliver what needs to be said. Nothing more and nothing less”.

    Next – I meet a widow lady and without any holding back I tell her if she is looking for a man after 20 years of being single, why does she wear her wedding ring like a symbol she is still married. She said no one had ever pointed it out and she did not even realise.

    We then talked about so many things and how her friend has ended up on the Internet searching for a man in her late 70s and this guy did not tick any of her boxes. She wanted big house, nice car and money and this man had nothing to speak of, but she is still dating him. We agreed not having a picture of what we want actually works because our heart knows and can feel what is truth and what is not.

    So talking for me is super important in real life and I know for sure engaging with strangers, people we meet when we travel and in places like the launderette holds great meaning and value.

    Our lives are touched in conversations with people who are genuine and sincere when they talk and it may be just a few minutes. It is these moments that keep us checked in to earth life and not escaping in a virtual reality elsewhere in front of a screen.

  11. I have been realising how much real talking I do in life. I love it.

    Questioning things. Opening up. Bringing in a world view.

    This is very normal for me, though I am seeing how it is not the norm in society today.

    Valuing the things we talk about and how we speak is a whole new frontier.
    I am enjoying exploring it.

  12. When I am out I always like to people watch. I was in a restaurant recently and was watching a table of 12. Every single adult apart from a young child was on their phone. No conversation what so ever. When the food came they picked up their phone and carried staring at the screen.

    I would say almost everyday my partner and I always sit and have a meal together. No TV or phone, just an opportunity to connect without distraction.
    We do the same when we go to a restaurant – no phones.

    Has humanity lost the art of Real Conversation and replaced it with faceless technology?
    Is it because it is comfortable to do this as opposed to connecting to a human being? I think so in alot cases.

  13. There is a woman I regularly meet on the train platform in the mornings on the way to work.

    I hadn’t seen her for a while. We talked this morning about her kids and their experiences figuring out their sexuality and how she could approach supporting them. And we talked about house downsizing and the pressure it can take off.

    We only travel for 2 stops together, but she told me this morning she had missed our conversations. She said we cover more real life stuff in 2 train stops than she gets in the whole of the rest of her week.

    This is normal for me and so important. To have true connection about real stuff.

    So I’m wondering why we spend so much of our lives talking about things that don’t matter.

    What are we missing when we do that?

  14. I love when I do real talking. It always feels very good inside my body. When I don’t do real talking I can either feel tired or feel my chest tighten or have a general sense of uneasiness afterwards.

    Today a colleague came and sat next to me as she was feeling concerned about something work related. We had a chat and I shared with her how I had dealt with the same situation. I noticed how she seemed more confident and ease when she left and not with the same weariness.

    Personally I always find when people share with me how they have dealt with experiences I find it very inspirational and so where there are opportunities for me to also share what has worked for me with others, I do let them know.

  15. We Need to Talk: Culture of ‘Passive Aggression’ Fuelling Stress at Work
    Evening Standard – 27 July 2018

    A culture of “passive aggression” is being fuelled by workers feeling unable to express their frustration directly with colleagues…A survey of 300 staff at a major London Corporation found that 58% did not feel confident telling co-workers one to one that they were annoyed with them.

    The article goes on to say that ‘This failure to talk in person can lead to issues being vented unhealthily on social media instead…(the survey found that) 57% had an “unhealthy relationship with stress” and a further 51% were “people pleasers” which added to passive aggressive outcomes.

    63% said their validation was based on colleagues “approval” instead of contentment with themselves.

    Julian Hall, founder of an emotional resilience company categorised passive aggression as “I’m angry with you but I’m afraid to express it”, which causes fury to “leak out” in sarcasm, withholding support, back stabbing and sulking. Healthy people respect themselves, know they are appreciated and don’t need the world to appreciate them but we found in many cases that how they feel about themselves is dependent on feedback they get from co-workers.”

    This is such an interesting article and explains a lot of what goes on in workplaces. I have been working in offices for 20 years and never realised this is what goes on, however it does explain many if not all of the strange behaviours that I have observed like colleagues not talking or people being talked about behind their back, or support being withheld. In workplaces groups often tend to form and in that formation it is a way of excluding others and having a ‘gang’ so to speak that people feel safe in and they can also be validated by others.

    Personally I don’t have these issues at work of needing validation from others. I know that I do a very good job based on my commitment to the people that I serve. I go to work bringing 100% even to the most challenging tasks and I thoroughly enjoy my work. I am not necessarily someone that meets targets but I never receive complaints about the quality of the service that I provide and I never cut corners just to look good on paper.

    I appreciate who I am and what I do at work and also outside of the office and so there is no need for me to look to anyone else to appreciate me. I am not in comparison with my colleagues as I know what my strengths are and it is this that I focus on.

    Could it be possible that the failure to talk in person in the workplace is related to our ability to express outside of work?

    For example, if we are experiencing difficulties in expressing to our partners or loved ones how we are feeling, then how are we going to suddenly be able to do this at work?

    Does this highlight how unskilled we have become at communicating with each other?

    1. Thank you for this comment Shevon, which opens up a discussion about what goes on in workplaces everywhere.

      The statistics alone speak volumes really.

      If we join the dots – it would be quite possible that people who truly do not express what they feel in a given moment are repressing it. How it is pushed down could be their behaviours or call it addictions. Some go to gossip, some head for a puff outside, consume excess alcohol at lunch or go for sugar, caffeine or anything to not feel what just came up to express.

      Whatever our “go to” is confirms we did not say what we needed to say, for fear of what we sense would come our way. This way of living if you ask me, sucks and hurts everyone.

      I can recall spending hours circulating the same old crap around work stuff and then taking it home and reliving all of it to tell those who do not have anything to do with my job. No wonder my eating habits and alcohol intake was so needed back in those days.

      I am certain not speaking up at work had a huge part to play.

      Back to your comment Shevon as you quote a company who found many cases of what they call ‘healthy people’ – and how they feel about themselves was dependent on the feedback they get from co-workers.

      This is interesting because we have not yet as a world defined what true health is and we have different versions of what we would categorise, class and and call ‘healthy people’.

      As a prolific writer on true health and well being, I see things differently to many and that is simply coming from my way of living everyday. So vitality levels that are consistent is key if I am going to ever say the word ‘healthy’ about anyone.

      Furthermore, for me a healthy person is confirmed by the very movements they choose to make in a deeply self caring and loving way that ensures no harm to self and others, without perfection. This means they are not looking outwardly for any validation, confirmation, appreciation or recognition to know who they are.

      I know from experience that if I am relying or depending on a co-worker to give me feedback then I have lost the plot because it tells me that without that feedback I could end up wobbly or not sure of who I am and what I bring of real value to the workplace.

      Gone are the days in my world where I am concerned what anyone thinks of me and that could be a bigwig, kingpin powerhouse that most look up to or my mother or the people in my neighbourhood.

      I talk and to hold back and not say what I feel would be very very difficult for me. I am learning that what I find easy and natural is not the same for others and so I have been developing more understanding and this has helped me.

      Worrying about what people think or say to me or if they challenge me or bad mouth me behind my back, is not worth a second of my time. I give it no press coverage by talking to others if I hear nonsense. Let’s get real – when any of us are doing this, it is nonsense as it makes no sense.

      Upfront, in your face, say it as it is – that is my style.

      I really and truly do not have a different tone, voice or way of talking because the person is a co worker, is homeless, a prisoner or the posh celeb I just bumped into.

  16. I was in my local supermarket today and met an older lady. She stopped me regarding the colour of our coats. I could have carried on walking past and I am so glad that I did not, as we had a very real conversation.

    We were talking about the weather and she mentioned that she has Cold Hands and Cold Feet. I let her know about this website and this article https://simplelivingglobal.com/cold-hands-cold-feet/

    She then mentioned that this Cold Hands, Cold Feet syndrome has a name and because of this website I said I know it is called Raynaud’s https://simplelivingglobal.com/raynauds-awareness/

    She was delighted to receive the details of this website and I shared that there were great tips on Cold Hands, Cold Feet on keeping warm and that the author of the blog also used to suffer with this.

    We carried on talking and we discussed food and digestion and warming foods and that she notices that when she eats a heavy evening meal she does not feel good.

    It was so great to connect and speak with her and before we departed I asked her name.
    This kind of everyday interaction is so important as there is so much that we can share with others.

    I know that this lady must have been asking for help for our paths to have crossed and to be able to direct her to this website for humanity is such a blessing, as this is what it is for – to share with others who may be asking – is there another way?

  17. I realised recently how important it is to talk and communicate what we have observed, as it certainly brings more awareness to others.

    Driving in the car in USA, I was asking about certain areas as I could see a type of homelessness I had never seen before. Posh tents all sizes and shapes.

    This person was familiar with the area and said the public and community grants etc provide these ‘upscale’ tents for the homeless. In her town they are given and next day you will see the tent discarded or hanging on a tree.

    I asked her why posh tents.

    Her response was people here are wealthy and want to do something, as this is under their nose and they don’t want to see it whilst out fine dining or shopping or driving past.

    The tents contain them inside and they don’t have to look at what is really going on.

    Of course other areas are not the same and homeless-ness is huge in the states of America.

    This woman works right in the centre of some of the worst homeless and says no one says or does anything, as they urinate publicly anywhere they feel to or masturbate on the street in daylight. It is super normal to see them with their crack pipe or shooting drugs with a needle on the streets. They have nothing to lose and they welcome any attention, even if it is the police.

    The climate is hot and this part of the country is like a desert.

    It is like holiday season and holiday mode for many who live there and this rise in homelessness brings about an uncomfortable-ness for many – this is something I observed.

    So what will it take to bring about real change?
    How are we living and what are we doing and not doing?
    Can we really save others from the choices they have made?
    Are we on the front foot in our talking and conversations every day?

    All I know is that I have no intention of championing or fighting for others who are where they are because of their choices, but what I can do is learn to have no reaction and no judgement, as I have no idea what got them to that place.

    What I can do is continue to talk about it and bring awareness, even if it is simply posting a comment like this online.

    Talking nonsense with no purpose, confirms that nothing will ever change.

    Talking about the homeless situation and real life stuff in our neighbourhood and on our streets informs others that SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT.

    We each have a responsibility because we each as individuals have created the world as it is today.

    I may not be homeless today and never will be, but once upon a time with my lack of commitment to life and having no real role models to inspire me, I was spiralling downhill and I didn’t care if I ended up homeless. This alone gives me an understanding and what my choices were that today ensure that will not happen to me.

    I know how to live another way and I now have a duty to humanity to share what I live because it works. This website was born from my commitment that I will bring awareness and share by way of writing until my last breath.

    Sounds like a big fat claim, but what I know is scholars in the future will study and know the author of this website did know Truth back in the early 21st century.

  18. Independent – 18th September 2018
    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/how-long-spend-meetings-year-thirteen-days-uk-workers-average-a8542861.html

    UK Workers Waste Nearly 13 Days a Year in ‘Unproductive’ Meetings, Poll Claims

    A European survey of 2,000 employees in the UK, France and Germany, found the typical staff member spends a total of 187 hours or the equivalent – of 23 days in meetings.

    The poll revealed that 56% of those meetings are unproductive and 66% people make excuses to avoid meetings.

    1 in 10 will pretend they got the date and time wrong.
    1 in 20 admitted to calling in sick to get out of the meeting entirely.

    Mike Greenup, Vice President, Brand Management said: “Meetings are essential for collaboration and reaching business goals, but ensuring they are effective isn’t always simple.”

    Today I chaired a meeting that was very productive. I felt the impulse to call the meeting a few weeks ago, as communication between myself and the other people involved, were not running smoothly via email.

    I have a lot of experience of successful partnership working and good old fashioned honest talking, rather than hiding behind screens is the best way to build relationships.

    Through holding the meeting, everyone learnt so much more about the situation and if we had continued working the way that we had been, I doubt we would have been able to share the information that we each had.

    Clear action points were taken and through the discussion our understanding of the situation grew.

    When the meeting went off at points, I was able to bring it back so we remained focused.

    I doubt anyone felt like making any excuses to leave this meeting as everyone was engaged and had an equal say.

    There were points when we disagreed with each other and there were moments that were lighthearted, but the main thing is in leading the meeting I never lost sight of the goal of us working harmoniously together, as this was the purpose of why the meeting was called.

    By keeping this as my intention, things went very smoothly and everyone is now much clearer about what our next steps are.

    After the meeting, I promptly typed up the minutes and shared them with the other parties, thanking them for attending.

    I can honestly say, I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of that meeting and very much look forward to communicating with my colleagues again and attending any other meeting.

  19. Thank you for this tremendous blog.

    There seems to be such a lot of non-sense in this world and so I feel very privileged to know the author of this blog who, for me, is a real role model of what real talk can be.

    When talking, she truly meets everyone she communicates with and everything she talks, points to the grand-ness of what each one of us truly is.

    She is always Truth-full, no nonsense, inspirational, open, wise and often playful.

    I’ve been amazed to witness how she connects with people and make friends everywhere she goes simply by the way she talks to people, even “strangers”.

    In my experience, absolutely everything that the author of this blog talks is Healing and, in over ten years of conversations, I have never known her to say anything Harmful when she talks.

    Like I said, for me, the author of this blog presents a model for us of what real talk can be.

  20. I really agree with this statement as mentioned in this blog that –

    ‘Science says that humans, being social animals are programmed to use communication as a vital tool to survive and thrive.’

    From personal experience I would say that this is most certainly true for me.

    I have grown so much just from being open to others and choosing to communicate.

    This has been the very thing that has supported me to thrive.

    I really do understand the difficulties we face with being real and talking, as we are often clouded by thoughts and or worries of what other people will think.

    As I have been letting those thoughts go and continuing to open up regardless, I can feel my whole life changing and the ripple effect to others around me, as they find me more approachable.

    It really is a crime if we ever feel that we cannot open up and express what we feel to say.

    What if not being able to do real talking is like poison in our bodies?

    What if without real talking we can actually become ill?

    1. I like what you say here Shevon. I know someone who was never into any kind of talking as they judged the world so much and in truth they could not get past the world hurting them. But once they started talking real and working at expressing more with honesty, it was clear the changes could be seen, including much needed weight loss.

      What if a real diet tip for weight loss was – real talking?

      I am certain that we benefit from real talking and by that I mean ‘say it as it is’.

      My style is straight talking and it’s real and I don’t mince my words.

      I was in a big hospital the other day and we had 2 nurses attending to the patient and when we left they both thanked me, as the conversations we had were full of meaning and there was a purpose. I can feel there was no small pleasant talk or the usual about the weather.

      I find this real talking stuff very easy and natural as I never seem to stop having conversations with strangers – example man at the bus stop yesterday early morning, it was still dark and we spoke about global news and what is going on in our world. He said he is scared where our world is heading and where are we are all going to end up.

      Real talking cuts through the accepted norms of fake and phoney chit chat, which for me is super boring and that time could easily be used for honest and meaningful communication, regardless of how short the conversation is.

  21. Yesterday on the bus, a little boy was eating cake standing up.
    He then sat next to me and finished his cake and I knew that wrapper was going on the floor. We got talking and he told me he was 5 and he had a brother who was 11 and the ages of his mum and dad.

    I told him I knew someone with the same name and I loved his name – Emmanuel.

    Well I got a tissue out and told him to wipe his mouth covered in bits of cake and then make sure he finds a bin to dispose of the wrapper and tissue. I was clear this is not for throwing on the floor as the bus was not a dustbin.

    As he was getting off, I had a moment with the mother and talked to her briefly.

    When he got off the bus, he literally dragged his mother pulling her arm in the opposite direction to where they were heading. I could see he wanted to go and use the bin and he pointed to me on the bus, so his mother knew why he was so keen on placing his rubbish in the bin.

    Well when he done it he turned around and smiled and waved at me.
    Boy oh boy I have never seen a child with such a big genuine smile that I could not only feel but would never forget.

    I know beyond doubt that there was a lesson here for Emmanuel and he appreciated the way it was delivered and he followed it through.

    What if we all stopped judging a child for their actions, even on a bus and had some real talk going on?

    I am certain our kids and others in our world would learn a lot from our lived wisdom.

    Instead of banging on about something, just talking and sharing something as simple as this could be a game changer.

    I know this young boy will use the public bins and not throw rubbish on the floor simply because I do that and I just passed it on. It was not hot air or words that are not lived.

  22. I like real talking and that means say it as it is, with no holding back.
    Not interested in what they might think or not think about me or whether I become less popular as a result of expressing what I feel.

    On my bus journey I met an old neighbour who is exactly the same age as my mum and she reminds me of what an independent woman my mum was.
    She was shocked to hear when I shared that my mum had died last week and all what happened.

    Then on the train, I get talking to a mother and 2 daughters down in London for the day as they live up north. They were just off to Harrods to get a bag for mum’s 75th birthday.

    We got to the conversation about my mum and how it was her birthday yesterday and she died last week. One of the ladies was a bereavement counsellor and she said the revenge and other emotions she sees during the time of death and after is beyond belief. She added that families are torn apart and very little ever gets truly expressed and it gets covered up and not really dealt with.

    The mum said our world is a terrible place and we have lost the value of real communication and what it means to have true family connections.

    We then talked about what matters and what we can do for those close to us whilst we are alive and well, so to speak.

    The conversation flowed and other topics were discussed until it was time to depart.

    The time passed but I did not feel bad that I got no work done on the journey as real talking is work if done with the essence of truth. In other words, I was talking and they opened up and done the same. There seemed to be a purpose and for me that’s worth everything.

    The fact I can post this comment confirms there was purpose in my conversations today.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *